Jumping the garden fence. Doing the flop upon my feet. Stretching out to more than 3 ft.on the kitchen floor. Sleeping in the rose garden. Sleeping in the catmint, planted just for you. Resting across my shoulder. Burying your face against my neck and hanging on with both paws when something scared you. Your giant six toed prints in the snow. Always coming when I called. Running to meet me when you heard the truck, that's why I kept the old thing. So much more, but too hard to say. I LOVE YOU AND I ALWAYS WILL. DAD. |
12/25/02, 100 days today, Merry Christmas, I miss you. Here's your tuna.
12/29/02. I never knew how much I'd miss hearing the sound of the cat door. The silence is deafening. I miss you so much.
1/28/03 Memories: Over 2500 days together yields 2500 memories, many repeats, but each different. Your nicknames, Sir Whitealot, His Whiteness, Dueter, White and Furry, Du-da-du, Little Bucko, The Buckster, Furry Face, each one was you. 20 weeks have passed, the pain is still there. I visit your site every day, but only write when I'm especially low. No one on earth can imagine how much I miss you. I still look across the backyard several times a day expecting you to come home, silly isn't it. I miss you so much and will love you forever. DAD. Tears wash nothing away, nothing.
3/16/03 six months today, hard to believe. I'm starting to remember all the little things, how you used to trip over nothing cause your feet were so big, following me out to get the paper, always begging for people food, and mostly just always being there. I still look. I still cry. I miss you and love you so much. DAD.
6/23/03 40 weeks have passed since I last held you in my arms, 280 days, seems more like forever. I was just recalling how you used to "bang" on the screen door to come in rather than take those 20 extra steps to your cat door. I love you and miss you more than ever. Yes, I still look and still cry. DAD.
8/25/03 Happy eighth Birthday. I added a cake although only symbolic, lobster and shrimp were your favorites. I love you and miss you as much as ever. DAD
9/16/03 One year ago today you didn't come home,many,many times you came very late, even early the next morning, but after you ran across the backyard in the rain at 5:30 pm Sunday Sept. 15th 2002, I never saw you again. You were my first, my last, my everything. I miss you, I love you and I always will. There was only one Littleman. Dad
12/25/03 Merry Christmas No.2 I freshened up your tuna. I love and miss you as much as ever, the pain just won't go away. Dad.
3/16/04 Today is 1 1/2 years since I last saw you. I changed your background to spring even though you liked fall the best, just for something different, I remember how you used to chase the blowing leaves. I visit you every single day. I miss you, I love you, and I always will. I still look across the backyard hoping for a miracle, but I already had one, it was you. Got to go now, can't see through the tears. Dad
8/25/04 Happy ninth Birthday, here's a little present, I miss and love you as much as ever and I always will. Dad
9/16/04 Days to weeks, weeks to months, months to years. It's been two years now; sometimes it seems like yesterday and sometimes like forever ago. I love you and miss you as much as ever, it's apparent now that I always will. The old truck is gone now, there is no more need, but I always look whenever I pull in the drive, just in case. Dad
12/25/04 Merry Christmas No.3 The can has shrimp this year, your favorite, not tuna like before. I love you and miss more than ever, seems much harder this year. Nothing can fill this hole in my heart. Dad
3/16/05 2 1/2 yrs. today. When you left I became very active in feline rescue in your honor. Last Friday, Peanutbutter came to be with you. He's an orange and white 4 year old s.h. male. Find him and help him for he doesn't see well after several eye surgeries. I love and miss you more each day, more than anyone will ever know. Dad
8/25/05 Happy 10th Birthday. We were supposed to grow old together; an old man and his old cat sitting on the stoop like we used to. I'll soon be 65, but you will be forever 7. I love and miss you as much as ever. Dad
9/16/05 Three long years. I thought it would get easier for me, I was so wrong. I love and miss more and more as time goes by. Dad
12/25/05 Merry Christmas No.4. I love you and miss you more with each passing day, enjoy your tuna. Dad
3/16/06 3 1/2 years have now passed, 10 rescued kitties live here with us, every one saved in your honor, but none can fill the empty place in my life even though little One-Eyed-Jack trys so very hard. I love and miss you more than anyone will ever know. I still catch myself looking for you to come running across the back yard, I guess I always will. You have my heart. Dad
8/25/06 Happy 11th Birthday, I think of you every single day and dream of what might have been. I shall love you forever. Dad
9/16/06 Four years speed by, nothing changes in my heart, I sometimes miss you more than I ever have. Someday I will smile again, someday, maybe someday. I never stop looking, never will. Far too many tears; Love, Dad.
12/25/06 Merry Christmas No.5 The can has shrimp this year, your favorite. Theo, a grey s.h. tabby, came to be with you on the 16th, he was 15, kidney's failed. With us a short 1 1/2 yrs, but by far the best of his life. Follow him for he is wise. I love and miss you as always. Dad
3/16/07 4 1/2 long years have now passed, there's not much left to say except, today I cried, in secret, alone. Love, Dad.
8/25/07 Happy 12th Birthday. Miss you more and more each day. I hate that you're not here with me. Love, Dad
9/16/07 If year 1 was the first milestone, then today, year 5, is the second. The ship of time sails on and leaves pain and sorrow in it's wake. I miss and love you more than ever. Dad
12/25/07 Merry Christmas No.6, Here's some more tuna, it's shrimp topped this year. Love, Dad
3/16/08 5 1/2 years slowly passed, still look, still cry, love you, miss you terribly. Love, Dad
8/25/08 Happy 13th Birthday. There's not much left to say, except today I found a poem sent to me not long after you left and it still made me cry. I love you, my friend, I miss you so. Dad
9/16/08 Six years now, my heart remains with you and always will, miss and love you so very much. Never dreamed the pain would last so long. Dad
12/25/08 Merry Christmas No.7 Brought you some flavored chicken just for a change. We can have lobster anytime. Love, Dad
3/16/09 6 1/2 yrs have passed since that fateful day. Early this morning as I looked across the backyard, Wildy was sitting in the crook of that old tree where you so often perched; I didn't cry, I didn't smile, but I didn't cry. My heart pounded. I miss you, Love, Dad
8/25/09 Happy 14th Birthday. A special meal of walleye that I caught in Canada. Nannette is with you now, disappeared like you did 3 weeks ago today. She's very fragile, watch over her. I still miss you as much as ever, my true friend. Love, Dad
9/16/09 Seven years to the very hour, unbelievable, I miss you so much, so very much. The pain just won't go away. Love Dad.
10/8/09 Today is milestone number three. Maybe the most important of all, for you have now been gone longer than you were here with me, 7yrs. & 23 days. I promise, I shall never forget you or ever stop loving you. You see, your were my friend and always will be. Love, Dad.
12/31/09 I have request of you my friend, little One-Eyed-Jack came your way today. He's a tiny gray thing with no right eye, prances when he walks, friendly as could be. For nearly 7 yrs. he did all he possibly could to fill your paws, I shall miss him for he became you. Love Dad
4/17/10 Neil joined you and the others today. He's a large "never miss a meal Neil" orange tabby. The early rescues seem to be falling into ill health all at once. First One-Eyed-Jack, now Neil; the 3rd & 2nd in your honor. Welcome him, he's very laid back. Still miss you so. Love Dad
8/25/10 Happy 15th Birthday. I think lobster is in order. Miss you as much as ever. Love, Dad
9/16/10 Eight long painfull years have now gone by. I think of you every single day, sometimes with sadness or anger, or fondness, or joy, but I always think of you and what we missed together. I miss you, my friend, Love, Dad
8/25/11 Happy 16th Birthday, here's a big piece of grilled chicken just for you. Miss you so very much. Love, Dad
9/16/11 Nine years now, my heart aches just as much as ever. My God, I miss you. Love, Dad
1/26/12 The grand old lady 18 1/2 yr old Violet joined you and the others yesterday afternoon. A sudden stroke took her from my care and put her in yours. With us only her final 6 yrs, yet leaving a lasting impression and again tears streaming down my face as all those painful memories resurface. Love you, miss you. Dad
8/25/12 Happy 17th Birthday. Unfortunately as you know my son David crossed from my world to yours on the 20th just short of his 50th birthday. He was the one person who loved you as much as me since he lived here with us for most of your life. Stay together until I get there. I miss you so. My heart is now truly broken. There is now no reason to ever smile again. Love, Dad.
9/16/12 Milestone number four. You have now been gone 10 long, sad, and painful years. I thought it might get easier, it became harder, much harder. As you know, many things have happened, most of them bad. I love and miss you as much as ever. Dad
8/25/13 Happy 18th Birthday. I hope David is there with you. That would comfort me. Nothing changes, I love and miss you as much as ever. Dad
9/16/13 How ironic that the 11th anniversary of your disappearance would be a cool rainy day just as it was all those years ago. I called Charlie by your name yesterday as he was doing something bad, it's been a long time since I did that, but you're always on my mind. All my love, Dad
8/25/14 Happy 19th Birthday. You and David have been together two years now. All is well as can be here, the gang is getting older and slower. Only 5 left now. I love and miss you as much as ever, always will,. Dad
9/16/14 Hard to believe, 12 years today, a long time, but only yesterday in my heart. Again, a cool rainy day, just like then, must be you are sending me a sign. I love and miss you as much as ever. Dad
10/24/14 And then there were four. The beautiful torti, 13 yr old Yashii was suddenly taken by a very aggressive bladder cancer and now walks in your world. She was my sweet dainty little girl, I am very saddened. You and David take care of her for me. Love, Dad
1/20/15 Now there are three. Wildy, the stray who came to stay over 10 yrs ago is with you and David now. A charcoal and white long hair so timid and shy. David knows him well. Now they can sleep together once again. Watch over all of them until I get there. Love Dad
8/25/15 Milestone number five. Today you would have been 20 years old. I have thought of a million things to say, but the most important is the hope I have clung to all these years that you would some day come back to me is now crushed to pieces; for the passage of time has robbed me of that hope, if you were out there somewhere just your age would preclude any returning. Funny, I'm not crying, but I'm not smiling for those days are over. I love you and miss you so much, my friend, so very much. I lied , I'm crying. Dad
9/16/15 13 years have now passed and yet on this beautiful sunny day it rains in my heart just as it did the day you went away. I love and miss you so. Dad
2/12/16 Two left in my care as Teddy the very first rescued in you honor over 13 years ago joined you, David and all the others at 4:00pm today for the liver failure became to much to endure. Please give him time to adjust for he is a true alpha male and gets a little bossy sometimes. Love Dad
8/25/16 Today is your 21st birthday, that means I was 54 years old on that day, a long time ago. Yet your memory is as new as ever, I love and miss you so much. Dad.
9/16/16 Normally today I would acknowledge your 14th year of waiting for me at RB, but today a double tragedy has occurred as Charlie originally David's kitty disappeared exactly as you did on the very same day. He has been with me for the last 9 years. The only solace I have is the hope he is with you and David now, he was Teddy's best friend. Now only the little feral, Angel remains from the whole crew. I'm devastated. I love and miss you more than ever, every wound opened again today. Love Dad.
11/26/16 And then there were none. The little feral Angel who never socialized with human nor furry creature suffered a seizure and was sent on her way to you and David and all the rest. Now no longer in fear of everything, her over 10 years here with us is over, reunited with One-Eyed-Jack her only friend on this damn planet she can now frolic and enjoy Rainbow's Bridge until I get there to hold her for the first time. I am in shambles, no kitties for the first time in over 30 years. I can't stop crying. I love and miss you as much if not more than ever. Dad
8/25/17 Happy 22nd birthday, you and David have been together for 5 years now. The pain and longing does not go away, I love and miss you both so much. Dad
9/16/17 15 years ago today my world changed forever. Stay with David and all the others so we can cross Rainbow's Bridge together. I love and miss you as much as ever, Love Dad.
8/25/18 Happy 23rd Birthday, my friend. One would think that after all these years some of the pain would go away, not so. I love and miss you as much as ever. Dad
9/16/18 16 years, a long, long time. My love remains the same as does my pain. Love Dad.
8/25/19 Happy 24th Birthday, my dear friend, I miss you so very much. I'd love to give you some Canadian walleye, but I didn't catch any this year lol. Love, Dad
9/16/19 17 years gone by now. I've been thinking a lot about you and David lately. Seems like the older I get, the harder it gets. Love so much, miss you even more. Dad
4/1/20 Well, not that you don't know, but we sold the old place, closed yesterday. We now live in a three room in-law suite above Aud and her family. All the memories locked away in my heart. Maybe it's better not to be surrounded by all the painful reminders, but I'm not sure. Love and miss you so much. Dad
8/25/20 Happy 25th Birthday my dear friend I miss you more than ever now that we have moved away from your stomping grounds. All is now locked in my heart, Love Dad
9/16/20 18 years, so much has happened in the last 12 months. Yet, nothing will ever dampen my love for you. I miss you so much. Go play with David and all the rest of the gang. Love, Dad
8/25/21 Happy 26th birthday little Bucko, I haven't said that name for a long time. Covid still stopping most everything of meaning. Sit on David's lap, think of me, I'm 80 now so the day we will be together again gets closer and closer. Frank died a couple weeks ago, he always petted you, look him up when you get time. Love Dad
9/16/21 19 years have now passed, so much has changed, so many taken in by me in your honor have joined you: Teddy, Neil, One-Eyed-Jack, Yashii, Nannette, Angel, Peanutbutter, Theo, Wildy, Charlie, Violet, One, Two, and MooMoo. Now only Dunkaroo is here. I love you, miss you, always will, Dad.
9/16/22 20 years have now gone by. Unbelievable, nothing left, but memories. The pain never went away, the guilt, the self blame. Now the comfort of closing my eyes and seeing you, forever young, not old like me, see you soon, love Dad.
9/25/23 Dearest Littleman, first time ever being late with this note, I was in Florida for three weeks helping Autumn. No computer there. I spent the whole day basically holding her 3 month old kitten, just thinking of you and all the time that has passed. Still miss you, still cry, nothing changes, but I accept that now. Love, Dad
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