8/2/10 Hi,my baby-I thought about you today as I always do. I was out enjoying this beautiful day with your equine brother, Secret. He always makes me happy. However, there is a great big hole in my heart because our family is now broken. I feel so sad and lonely without you!!! I played with the barn kitties and gave them some love but, it wasn't the same. I cried because I wished I could pet you when I got home. I miss you waiting for me at the top of the stairs and then giving me head bumps when I got near. I miss your soft touch and your little belly to rub. Oh Tori, I love you so much. And I know how much you love me. My heart feels like it's been ripped apart. I have felt and heard you so, thank you and please keep visiting when you can. I hope you can forgive me for the decision that had to be made. I never wanted to let you go but, I also didn't want you to suffer. I think you know. I bought you a stone that says "If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever". My love for you will never die and when it's my time, we will be together again. I love you my child, my best friend, my lifesaver. 8/5/10 Tori, just wanted to stop by and say hi and I love you. I have gotten several wonderful and caring messages & cards from people who have also lost their furbabies. I know you are in good company and have made some special new friends!! My heart hurts so much still! I think it always will since a part of it is missing! I wanted to say thank you so much for saying goodbye to Rob. It means so much to him and me. When you came right over to him that day(You were a timid girl at times!) it was so touching & heartbreaking! I know you were thanking him for his help in giving you your medicine, your IVs, and for his soothing voice. You were, also, saying goodbye & telling him to take care of me while I mourn your loss. He knows how much you mean to me & has cried tears of empathy for me and you. I love you noTORIous!!!! How can I ever thank you for all that you've given me? I will spend the rest of my lifetime trying! 8/9/10 Good morning, Tori baby!! I'm sending you my love and kisses every day!!!! I'm remembering how much you loved it when I would scratch your cute little butt!!! When I would come home and see you waiting at the top of the stairs and hear you meowing for me, it brought me such joy!! When I would get to you, you would quickly plop down on the floor and show me your spotted belly. Then, I would start petting and scratching you, ending up at your butt! There were times when you would meow but no sound would come out because it felt so good. How I miss touching you and showing my love for you! I can't stop crying right now-I miss you so much. I hope you can still feel all the love I have in my heart for you!! You are the Best cat ever!!!! 8/11/10 Hello, beautiful one! I long to touch, kiss, & hold you again!!! I can't believe it will be two months tomorrow that you've been gone. My heart aches for you and I would do anything to have you back!!!! June 12th was pretty much the worst day of my life! Sometimes I get so angry about your illness and having to let you go. All you ever did was love me unconditionally and add beauty to my life. You didn't deserve to get sick and die so young! Life is really unfair sometimes, Tor. I don't want to let the anger consume me, though,and I take comfort in all of the happy memories we share and in all that you are! Words could never express what you mean to me, they are so inadequate. How could someone ever explain in words and truly capture what friendship, love, acceptance, and loyalty mean? You have enriched my life and I feel incredibly honored to have been chosen by you! We are forever bonded & NOTHING can ever destroy that!!! I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!! 8/15/10 Tor, I miss you terribly and feel empty inside sometimes. You were my first cat-how lucky I was to get the best kitty on my first try!! I miss the way you used to make me laugh and how you would comfort me when I was sad. Remember how you taught me how to play catch? We would play with a piece of wire that you found on the floor from a Breyers horse box. One day you just came into the bathroom with it and dropped it at my feet. I picked it up and threw it. You tore right after it and brought it back!!! I was so amazed and surprised!!! That was the beginning of our game "Wire Cats"-we would go back and forth several times until you stopped the game. I miss how you would wait for me in the bathroom while I took a shower. Then, when I was done, you would come inside the shower and sit down, getting your hiney all wet!!! What a silly cat! I miss so many things about you, my beautiful little girl! I never knew my eyes held so many tears until you left. I never knew how much joy and laughter I could have in my life until I had you. Thank you for being Tori and sharing your life with me. I Love You! 8/20/10 My dear Tori-6 years ago, today was such a happy day! It was the day I brought you home! Now, there is also some sadness to it because you are not here to celebrate your anniversary. I miss you so much my heart hurts. I remember going to the shelter with my mom to find a cat. You were on the bottom row of cages and I didn't see you. Mom said "How about this one?" & pointed to you. I crouched down on the floor and said hello to you. You came right over to me and I looked into your beautiful eyes. I saw beauty, love and compassion in them. Needless to say, I was hooked!! I filled out the adoption papers and spent some time with you in a separate room with mom and the adoption counselor. You were scared and shy at first as I sat on the floor & talked to you. The woman from the shelter said "I can tell this cat is going to be loved and spoiled!". Eventually, you came over to me and I knew our friendship was going to be special & unique. You already had the name of Cupcake, which I didn't think quite fit, so I kept that as your middle name. I renamed you Tori after my favorite singer, Tori Amos. Tori, my baby, my first cat, Happy 6 year Anniversary! Even though you are not here physically anymore, I feel your presence everyday & I celebrate the day I became yours! I'll never forget you & all that you are to me. Until we meet again, I know you and my Dad are taking care of each other. I love you, Tori Cupcake Peirce!!! Love, Mom 8/26/10 Hello, baby girl, I miss you and your sweet little face so much! Sometimes I don't know if this heartache will ever go away and I'm not so sure I really want it to. I'm trying to focus on our fun times together and happy memories but, sometimes it's hard not to feel sad, too. Something that makes me smile is how you taught me real quick how high cats can jump!! Since you were my first cat, I had no clue. I took a burger out to defrost for my dinner and put it on the countertop. I went about my business in another room. When I eventually came back into the kitchen, there you were licking the burger & having a grand old time!!! You seemed a little remorseful but, not enough to stop!!!! Needless to say, I had something else to eat and I didn't make that mistake again. I want you to know that you are with me everywhere I go. I cry tears of sadness but, also, tears of joy because I was so blessed by you and your never ending love & loyalty. Without you, I might not even be here. You gave me a reason to fight and live when I was so sick!! I love you soooooooooooo much! You probably wouldn't want me to be sad but, I'm sure you understand, too. I love our daily talks and when you visit me. Next time you come, I'll leave a burger out for you!!!! Always, Mom 9/7/10 Hi, sweet love, just stopping by to say I love you! Sorry I haven't written for awhile. Tori, I cry for you everyday and miss you so much. Sometimes the pain is unbearable and I don't know what to do. Some people say I should be past this "stage" by now but, what do they know? There is no written in stone timetable for grief. I will always feel a void in my life with your absence! How can I truly ever get over the loss of my best friend and baby girl? I wrote you a poem which I will post in the poems section-I hope you like it. I need to go take care of Secret-he has a crack in his hoof so, I will write a longer message soon! I LOVE and MISS YOU! You are my shining lights in the sky, Aurora Toriealis! Love, Mom 9/10/10 Hi, baby girl, I love, love, love, love, love you!! If you can, please send me a sign about Hollie. I am confused and don't know what to do! It's been cooler the last few nights and I'm remembering how you would snuggle with me in bed. I miss that so much!!! I put you on top of your favorite blanket a few days ago so you can be warm. I can still smell you on it which makes me both happy and sad. I miss you so much! I've made a new friend through this website. She has just lost a beloved dog recently and also one last year. We have both said that our furbabies have brought us together so, thank you for that!!! Tomorrow is a sad day for many people! Please be with the people and animals that are there because of 9-11. I carry you in my heart where ever I go so, I never feel alone! Thank you for blessing me by being in my life and for always seeing the best in me! Cookie Nookie, you are just simply the love of my life!! Love always, Mom 9/17/10 Hi, Tor-sorry I haven't written here for awhile. I have been leaving messages on your guest page. Just wanted to tell you how important you are to me and that I love you! Thank you for your help with Hollie-she got adopted and I am very happy! I bought a windchime with a cat on it for you! When it chimes, I imagine you are swatting at it and saying hello!! I miss you so much and long to pet your soft fur and hear your snores!!! I rode Secret today and saw you in the sky! I cried out of happiness because you were near and I am so blessed by you!!! I have been spoiling Lily and she seems to trust me more and more! I wish things could have worked out differently and we all lived together as planned! I am forever grateful for all that you gave me and I love you always!!! xoxoxo Mommy 9/23/10 Hi, cookie face, I hope you are okay and hanging out with Boo Boo and Casey! I made a new friend because of you and we are helping one another. We are going to talk on the phone tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it! I miss your cute little face so much! I remembered how sometimes I would see you at the bedroom window looking out when I got home. You loved sitting on your special little seat there, watching the birds, squirrels and rabbits! You looked so adorable when I saw you from outside and I couldn't wait to get inside to kiss and hug you!!! God, Tor, I miss you so much! You and I were kindred spirits and the connection I feel with you is like no other. You know my very soul and you accepted me, flaws and all. When I look at pictures of you, I can see the love in your eyes for me. I love you so much and wish you were still here! You are the best friend I ever had!! Love you always, Mom 9/27/10 Hi Tori, Just stopping by to say hello and I love you. Soon I am going to put pictures of you at your residency. I want everyone to see how beautiful and sweet you are!!! I think about you from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep! I miss you and the things we used to do. Remember how you wouldn't eat sometimes when I was home unless I sat next to you on the floor? You really had me wrapped around your little paw and I loved every minute of it!!! I would do anything for you because you are such a precious child to me! I miss taking care of you, feeding you, buying you treats, sleeping with you! I miss your headbumps and how you would knead me sometimes before you would lay down! I miss your whiskers tickeling my face when you would come close! I miss trimming your claws and brushing you & how annoyed you would get!!! I know we will see each other and be able to do all these things again! Until then, remember I love you forever and miss you! Mommy xoxo 9/30/10 I am so sad right now,Tor. I watched a show today about my illness and it broke my heart to see other women going through the same thing. Then I thought about how you saved me from myself and how I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Right before I adopted you I had pretty much given up and didn't care if I lived or died. You saved me, my baby! No one can truly understand what you mean to me or what you did for me. The loss of you hurts me so much!!! Our friendship exists on a higher plane, one that most people never experience or understand! My eyes fill with tears as I write this. You mean everything to me and I miss you so much!!! What you did for me and gave me is so amazing and precious-it will never be forgotten! It would be so easy to allow myself to get sick again but, I promise you with every fiber of my being that I won't. That would disgrace you and your memory! Plus, you would be so mad at me if I fell into my self distructive behaviors again! I LOVE you so much! I wish I could have saved you like you saved me! I feel you within my heart and you are with me everywhere I go! I am eternally grateful to you, Tori! You will ALWAYS mean the world to me! Love you, Mom 10/7/10 Hi Tor-Baby, I love you so much! I just wanted to say hi and that I miss you so much! It is Autumn now, my favorite time of year-leaves changing colors, pumpkins, and cooler weather. I miss your warm snuggly body even more now keeping me warm in bed! Secret is getting his winter coat and pretty soon will look like a big fuzzball! I think of you every day and will miss my Halloween kitty this year-what's a witch without her cat?!? The Phillies won the first game of the playoffs!!! I wish you were here to watch the games with me and get excited when I would scream and yell!!! I know you are watching from above and looking after me! Love you always, Mom 10/12/10 Hi, Sweetheart-I miss you so much, Tor! Today marks 4 months since you have been gone. My life has been so empty without you! I do what I need to do but, sometimes I really don't feel like it. I am so sad without you and my heart still aches for you. It still hits me like a ton of bricks that you aren't here anymore. I want you to know that I will never forget you! Please keep visiting me when you can. I'm crying again-I wish I could have you back so much!!! I know that is impossible! The only thing that helps me deal with that is knowing I will see you again some day. I love you so much and think of you always!!! I'm so thankful that I was yours! Love you, Mom 10/25/10 Good Morning, Tori-Just wanted to stop by and say I love you! I was finally able to place a photo on your residency stone. Your photo album will be coming soon. Everytime I look at a picture of you, it makes me smile and remember how beautiful you are. I miss you so much! I feel like I am not the same person anymore since you died. There are things in my life that make me happy but, I am not truely happy or content without you! I envisioned you with me for the next 10 plus years. Sometimes I wonder if I am being selfish and not letting you have peace because I keep "holding on". Please forgive me if I am! I just don't ever want to forget you and I want you to know how much I treasure you and our time together! I'm crying now-my heart hurts so much without you! I think of you always and send my love! Love, Mom xoxoxo 10/31/10 Hi kitty-cat, Happy Halloween!! I hope you get lots of treats this year like some tuna, chicken, pizza sauce, and milk!!! I won't be able to fly on my broom without you-you were always the best co-pilot! I miss you and all the fun we used to have! Rob and I are going to Grandmom's today to see the trick or treaters in her neighborhood! I hope there is some candy left over for me!! I left you a jack-o-lantern and a pumpkin pie for ghost and goblin day! I love you so much that it's scary!!! You are always and forever my best ghoulfriend!!! I love you! Mommy 11/7/10 Hi sweet love of my life, I remember you every day with smiles and sometimes tears! Blinks and bonks, my baby, blinks and bonks! You and I know what that means. Someone really hurt me recently with things that she said about you and how I should be handling your loss. I am really angry and hurt! I think this person fails to understand exactly what you mean to me. You are the one that "talked me off the bridge". Without you in my life, there probably wouldn't even be a me anymore! You are like a child to me and I would go to the ends of the Earth to protect you and your memory!! I miss you and your sweet love! You always gave it to me so freely! I do still feel you and the love will never die! I love you always and forever, Tori! Love, Mom 11/12/10 My dear Tori, I can't believe you've been gone 5 months now! It seems like yesterday and 20 years ago at the same time. I still have moments when I think you'll be there when I get home or you'll turn the corner and come walking into the bedroom. I miss you every day! It was a beautiful day today and I took Secret out for a long ride. He is my good boy and you are my good girl!!! I love you so much! I am trying to remember the good times and find peace in your memory! It is so hard sometimes to accept that you are never coming back. I take comfort in knowing you are not sick anymore and that you are happy and surrounded by friends! My sweet sweet Tori, I love you now and forever! Cookie Nookie, you are so good! Love, Mom 11/20/10 Happy Birthday Tori, my sweet baby girl! You would have been 7 today! I hope you are getting lots of special treats & having lots of birthday fun. I hope there is a big celebration and all of your friends at the Rainbow Bridge are there! I am sending you tons of hugs, kisses, and love! I changed your residency page to commemorate this wonderful day and left you some gifts & a special song. How I wish you were here-I miss you so much!! Rob & I will be making a toast to you tonight and sharing a little cake in your honor. I was in the supermarket crying yesterday as I picked out your cake. My heart aches for you! I love you so much and until the end of time! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Love, Mommy 11/25/10 Happy Thanksgiving, beautiful girl! I am so thankful for you and your love! I love you so much!!! Today I am remembering how you would sometimes come under the blankets with me when we went to bed at night. You would lay right next to me under the sheet and comforter! I would hold the blankets up with one hand and pet you with the other. After awhile, my arm that held the blankets would start aching. I wouldn't stop petting you though because I loved touching you and hearing you purr!!!! Sometimes you would fall asleep under there! Later, you would be nestled in the bend of my knees on top and sleep with me most of the night! I loved those times with you and so many more!! Have fun today and be nice to the turkeys!!! Love, Mommy 12/5/10 Hi Tori, I love you! It's only 20 days until Christmas! Where does the time go? I found your special Tori stocking & elf costume-they made me smile & cry at the same time! I was really feeling like I didn't want to do anything for Christmas this year! But, Rob and I decided to decorate, get a tree, buy presents, and be merry in your honor! I know you would want me to be happy! So, I'm trying! If I could have anything for Christmas it would be you!!!! I think of you every day and miss you dearly! Love always, Mom 12/12/10 Hi Tor, I love you and miss you so much!!! Today marks 6 months since you've been gone. Your absence has left a huge hole in my life!!!! I have so many wonderful memories of you-I just wish we were still making more!!! I found your special Christmas tree ball while digging through all my ornaments. I forgot about it and when I saw it, it took my breath away and I couldn't stop crying! I think I cried for almost half an hour. I now have it right next to you in your beautiful box. Rob and I will be decorating the tree tonight and then it will have a special place on the tree along with your stocking! I think of you always and love you with all of my heart and soul!! Love, Mommy xoxo 12/21/10 Hi sweet love of my life, Today is the first day of winter and it is now only 4 days until Christmas! The house and tree are all decorated and the presents are wrapped. I got you some beautiful flowers that I placed next to you. I have been sick with the flu for the last week and a half. I'm now taking medicine and starting to feel better! I miss you and love you so much!! Your area is all decorated and your special stocking and ornament are front and center on the tree! I think of you every day and even though sometimes I cry, sometimes I also smile through the tears! I will never forget how special and wonderful you are! I love you, Mommy xoxo 12/25/10 Merry Christmas, Tori!!! Words cannot even begin to express how much I love and miss you!! I am thinking of you with joy in my heart and wonder at all the gifts you've given me! And still continue to give me! Thank you for coming to me this morning and wrapping me in your love! It was the best present ever!! Rob and I had a beautiful morning together, opening gifts and listening to Christmas music. Lily got her stocking and seemed to like it, especially the treats!! I so wish you were here! I know I will see you again some day and it will be so awesome!! Have fun at the bridge and know that you are forever in my heart!!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! xoxoxo Joyous Noel!!! Love and kisses, Mommy 12/31/10 Hi sweetheart, It's New Years Eve. I love and miss you so much!! It's all wrong here without you! I remember a time I knew what happiness was. Love, Mommy 1/1/11 Dear Tori, Happy New Year! Every year now will be so different without you! Thank you for talking to me so much last night and today. I always love when you visit me. You comfort me and always reassure me that everything is okay and that I did nothing wrong. Thoughts of you make me smile and I know how lucky I was to be your mom! Remember how you used to lay on the radiator in the bathroom? I don't know how you were comfortable but, you seemed happy there! Sometimes I would walk right by you, not realizing you were there. Then when I would finally see you, you would seem pleased that you "tricked" me! I would talk to you and you would blink, looking so cute and shy! I remember you now in my mind and will never forget! I changed your song to Memories from Cats -I love the words and they remind me of you! I hope you are happy and always know that I love you with all my heart! You are my one and only Cookie Nookie! Love, Mom 1/12/11 Hi NoTORIous, I love you so much! Today marks 7 months since you went to the Bridge. Saddness still fills my heart-I miss you so much! You are the best friend I ever had and you showed me what love really means! Our time together was too short but, I know we will be reunited some day, never to be seperated again!! Please wait for me!! Lily sleeps with me most nights now. Of course it's not the same but, it helps! She's a good girl. She sleeps next to me and sometimes lays in between my legs. Rob pretends to complain but, knows he's out numbered with the three of us!!! It snowed again last night and it looks beautiful outside. I think about you every day and you are forever in my heart. I know you are near and watching over me, forever my faithful and loving friend! I love you! Love, Mom xoxo 1/22/11 Hi my beautiful baby girl Tori, I love you! I have had three dreams about you within the last week. They have been very powerful, lovely, and confusing. In them, you are still alive but, at the same time , you are not. It is like you are there with me through some special circumstance or supernaturally. We are doing all the things we used to do and I can see, feel, touch, smell, and hold you. But, only for a time, and then I realize that you can't stay forever. It feels so good and I am so happy-I just wish you could stay!! I am sad that you must go but, grateful because at least I had you for a time!!!! I feel you are really there visiting with me and I am so honored!! Please keep coming!! Even though my heart aches when you go, I would gladly and willingly do it over and over again!!!!! I am so sorry that you got sick and that I had to make that awful decision! I don't know how I did it-I think it was your strength that helped me!! I did it for you because I love you so much! The thought of you being in pain for one second was worse than letting you go! I still can't help feeling like I messed up sometimes and I appreciate it when you tell me I didn't. I'm never going to get over you, my sweet sweet girl! Being your mom was the greatest thing I ever did! I miss you so much and love you with all my heart! Love, Mommy 1/26/11 Good morning, my love! Today is a sad day for me. Today marks the 4 year anniversary since my daddy died. I miss him so much! Like you, he left way too young!! Remember when you and I went with him and Murphy to church for the blessing of the animals. What a day that was!!! I think you were scared but, we still had fun!!! Daddy talked to you and petted you to help you feel better! Like you, there are so many times I wish he was here to talk to and lean on. It makes me feel better knowing you are together and sending your love down to me! Daddy always protected me and so did you. I still feel that!!! It is snowing once again and it is a pretty bad storm. I am worried about Rob driving around in this. Please watch over him! I love you so much and you will always be my special girl!! Love, Mom xoxo 2/2/11 Hi Pookie, I love you! Just wanted to say hello and let you know I am always thinking of you. I think I am going to create a Beloved Hearts residency for my dad. I know he's been gone 4 yrs. now but, I didn't discover Beloved Hearts until I found Rainbows Bridge for you. I don't know what I've been waiting for!! He is with me, like you are, in his beautiful box but, I would also like a place to visit him as I do with you!! I miss you always! Please help me if you can to stop with the repetitive stuff and also with probably getting on peoples nerves by reaching out too much. I adore you, Tori!!! Love, Mom 2/10/11 Hi Tori, I created a Beloved Hearts residency for my dad. I think it turned out pretty well & I hope he likes it! I am feeling messed up lately. Why do I always ruin things or feel like I do?I sometimes wonder why people like me. I feel like a big screw-up, at times!! My heart hurts with loneliness and sadness. Why is life so beautiful and so sad, at the same time? Why must things go away? I miss you so much that at times I feel I can't even breathe. I need you so much!! I love you so much, Tori!! Please help me! I'm so sorry to ask so much of you-it's really not fair. You always made things right! I love you! Love always, Mom 2/12/11 Hi Sweet Girl, I love you so much!! Today marks 8 months since you passed away. I really can't believe it! I wish June 12, 2010 never happened! I needed some time alone so I spent the last 2 days at the apt. I know you are with me now wherever I go but, I needed to be where we lived together. I needed to be where we created our memories and where some of your stuff still remains. Your presence is all over the place there and I swear I saw you walking down the hall last night. I know you went to bed with me and we did the usual routine where we cuddled under the blankets for awhile and then you slept on top of the comforter in the bend of my knees! It was so special-thank you so much for coming!!! I think of you always with love and gratitude! You are the best Pooder Schnooder ever!!! Love, Mommy 2/14/11 Happy Valentine's Day, My love!!! I love you forever and ever!!! From the moment I saw you, you stole my heart and you will always have it! I'm sending you oodles of hugs and kisses today! I love you, my sweetheart, Tori!!! Love, Mommy 2/25/11 Hi Tori, I love you! I finally got to ride Secret in the park yesterday after 2 months! It was so fun & he was really raring to go!! I miss you so much and I hate my life without you! Please always remember you are inside my heart and that I will see you again someday! Love you always, Mommy xoxo 3/7/11 Hi Sweet Cookie Nookie, You are my special angel! I miss you every day! Pretty soon it will be spring-some of the bulbs in my little garden are starting to come up. You always loved when the weather got nicer and the windows were left open. I remember you laying on the window sill in the bedroom, kitchen, or livingroom, watching the activity going on from behind the screen. You got so excited when you saw birds, rabbits, and squirels. I imagine, if given the chance, you would have loved chasing after them! Remember how I would pick you up so you could look out of the bathroom window? The birds would hang out on the roof there and you would watch them so intently, your tail whooping back & forth, your eyes sharp as lasers! I miss your presence everywhere. You have forever changed me! Loving you and being loved by you have made me a better person. My heart is so full of you and empty without you at the same time. I'm crying right now. Even so, I want you to know that now I also smile when I think of you and all the joy you give me! You are the best friend I ever had! I wish I could kiss your sweet little face a million times. Until we are together again, you are forever in my heart and I love you always!!!! Thank you, Tori, for everything! Love, Mom xo 3/12/11 Hello, sweet beautiful kitty, You are simply just the absolute love of my life! Today marks 9 months since you've been gone. It still doesn't seem real to me sometimes! I miss you so bad and long to touch & play with you once more. A part of me died when you did but, I know you are holding it for me and keeping it safe! One day we will be together again and all will be complete! I love you so very much, Tori! Please wait for me. Always, Mommy xoxo 3/21/11 Hi Tori, I wanted you to know that I am thinking of you as always. I miss you and love you! The balloon that I got you for Valentine's Day is still floating-I can't believe it. I really think you are keeping it up as a sign of your awesome love and power! When we talked last night, I know you were moving it and listening to me. You never cease to amaze me! Thank you for always being there for me and letting me know that you are waiting. I would wait forever for you and I know you would do the same! I love you more than mere words can say. Always, Mommy 3/29/11 Hi Tori-Love, I wish you were here! Things haven't been going so great since last night. You-know-who was a pain in the butt yesterday(what else is new?). And, apparently, I'm overbearing according to R.S.! Today, I found out that Christina's dad passed away. It's very sad. I guess Secret isn't over his problem with the bit because he wouldn't take it again today. After 45 mins., I called it quits and went home. I feel like the one thing I had left is all messed up now, too! I don't know what to do & I'm so tired of crying all the time. You and I will be going to the apt. for a few days, starting tonight. I need some space and want to only be with you! Does it ever end, Tor? I can't wait to be with you again. I love you so much, baby girl!!!! Thank you for always loving me! Always, Mommy xoxo 4/7/11 Hi Tori, Just wanted to tell you how much I love & miss you!!! I'm still not talking to you-know-who and don't care if I ever do! She totally disrespected you and, now, Secret. I think of you everyday and smile when I remember all of our happy times together! Your balloon is still up which I know is your doing! You are truly amazing-I am so lucky to be your mom!! I love you forever. Love, Mom xoxoxo 4/12/11 Good Morning Tor, It's been 10 months now since you went to Rainbow Bridge. I miss you everyday and wish you were still here. I have sweet beautiful memories of you that I will treasure forever! Remember the day you almost ran out the front door? My heart went into my throat-you scared me so much! Somehow you were able to get around the gate at the top of the steps. When I got home from work & opened the door, there you were! You quickly went to the edge of the doorframe and just as quickly turned around & bolted up the steps!! I think you scared yourself, too! I don't know what I would have done if you had gotten out and ran away. Thank God, you were safe! I got an apology from you-know-who but, the damage is done & I am extremely cautious and minimally optomistic. Secret is doing better! I am working with him in the round pen and he has been so awesome. He is now less resistant to the bit and I have been able to ride. My heart is so empty without you, yet so full because of you!! I love you so so much, sweet girl! Until we meet again, please remember that. Always, Mommy 4/20/11 Hi Tori, I love you beautiful girl!!!!! I cried for you today while I was out riding Secret. Sometimes when I am with him it makes your absence even more obvious, like the family is not the same or complete. I miss you so much! Secret is doing so much better! Yesterday, it only took 10 mins. in the round pen and today he took the bit right away in the barn. I am so proud of him! I talk about you all the time to him. Your balloon is finally almost deflated-I know it was you that made it last so long! You will be getting a new one soon for Easter. Please send your kitty love to Kristy. I am worried about her & she is such a sweetiepie. I treasure you always and thoughts of you make me smile! You are the best cat ever!!! I love you, Mom xoxo 4/24/11 Happy Easter, Tori baby! I love you! One day, when it is my time & I have eternal life, we will be together again forever! This is what helps me to deal with losing you. Please wait-I will come. Have fun today! Always, Mommy xoxoxo 5/3/11 Hi Tor, I think about you everyday and I love you so much! I can't believe it is May already. The weather is finally getting warm & all the flowers are in bloom. Secret is completely over his bit problem and soon I will be trying the hackamore. However, now he has a problem with his left hind hoof. I noticed it on Sat. when I tried to take him for a ride. The vet saw him yesterday and thinks it is either a bruise or an abcess. I am worried about him and hope it drains out of the bottom if an abcess. If it drains out of the coronet band it could be way worse! I am wrapping his hoof with epsom salts and hopefully within a week, he will be better. Please pray for him! Next month, you will be gone a year already. I will be planting a tree/bush in your honor and getting a memorial stone to place beneath it! You are the love of my life, sweet baby girl!!! Please keep coming-I treasure our visits and talks! You always know the right thing to say! I love you always & forever, Mom xoxo 5/12/11 Hi Tori my love, Today marks 11 months since you went to Rainbow Bridge. The pain of losing you is as sharp today as it was 11 months ago. I still love you & miss you so deeply! I'm so sorry that you got sick & died so young. But, we had a lifetime of love together, didn't we? I know you have already let me know about Kristy (who actually is a boy!) but, I'm still confused, scared, and uncertain. He & I have developed a bond but I want you to know it will never be like ours!!!!! I love you with all my heart and soul, sweet girl!! Remember when you went on vacation with me to Ocean City? It was us, mom, Scott, Karen, and Max( their dog). I think you were a little upset & scared at first but, after a couple of days, you seemed to enjoy yourself! There were new windows for you to gaze out of, seagulls to watch, and sea breezes to smell. You stayed mostly in my bedroom & quickly joined me in bed to snuggle and snooze!! I'm so glad you came with me! I couldn't stand the thought of leaving you at home alone or with someone else. You were so unhappy when I left you once before. Tori, I know you are healthy and happy now. No more needles, feeling sick, no appetite, or throwing up. We did the best we could! You are the best friend I ever had and you changed my life forever. I will NEVER stop loving you!!!!! Until we meet again at The Bridge you are forever in my heart! Always, Mommy xoxoxoxo 5/22/11 Hi Sweet Girl, I love and miss you so much!! I'm so sorry for the time that I left you when you were sick! I really thought you were getting better. I hope with all my heart that you didn't feel scared or abandoned. I hope with all my heart that you can forgive me. I was so selfish leaving you overnight!! Please forgive me, Tori! I would never want to make you feel sad or unloved! You are my special angel! I know you are waiting for me and I thank you for that!! I can't wait to see you and hold you in my arms!! We will never have to say goodbye again!!! You and Secret are the best things in my life! Always, Mommy xoxo 6/2/11 Hi Tori, I can't believe it is June already! Less than 2 weeks from now is the day that you went to Rainbow Bridge. At this time last year, you were sick & dealing with medicine, special food, calorie paste, and IV's. I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that and that it didn't work!!! My life is still so empty without you!! I wrote you a poem called "A Year of Sadness" that I will post on June 12th. I will always remember how sweet & beautiful you are!!!!! I will never forget your loving presence in my life!!! I love you always and forever! Love, Mommy <3 xoxoxo <3 6/7/11 Hi Love Bug, just a quick note to say I love you so much! I got your lilac bush and I am waiting for your stone to come in. Last year at this time it was really terrible!! I'm sorry for having to stick you with needles and for the enema you had to get at the vets! And,then for messing in your carrier and having to be in it on the ride home. I'm so sorry!!! My heart aches for you & I miss you so much!! Love, Mommy xo 6/12/11 Good Morning, beautiful Tori, I love you so very much!!! Today marks a year since you went to the Bridge. Has it really been a year already? It seems like yesterday. Has it only been a year already? It feels like an eternity. Life is not life without you!! My heart continues to ache and cry for you. The gift of your life and love are so precious to me. I will forever feel blessed that you chose me!!! Today, I will plant the lilac bush and place your memorial stone beneath it in you honor & memory. I miss you so much and all the incredible things we did together!!! I know you are safe in Heaven and waiting for me. Thank you, Tori, for you!!! Love always, Mommy xoxo 6/23/10 Hi Tori, I love you so much!! Your lilac bush & memorial stone look so beautiful! I played "Thank You" for you and cried & cried!! I appreciate you coming and spending the day with me. I tried to get K.C. but, it didn't go so well and he bit me! I guess better luck next time! I've been feeling really down lately and missing you like crazy!! Thank you for sending your strength to me. My heart is broken without you!!!! Always, Mommy xo 6/30/11 Hi Baby, I love & miss you so much!! My birthday is in 2 days. All I really want is you!!! You are the greatest gift ever!! I think of you every day and long to see you again! When I blow out the candles on my cake, I will have no wish to make. All my wishes came true when you came into my life!!! I love you, Mom xo 7/13/11 Hi Tori-love, I miss and love you so much!! I've been taking good care of your lilac bush & it is doing well! I really hope it blooms for you next spring! I wrote you another poem which I will post soon. I truly believe you are writing them through me. You are my greatest inspiration!!!! I think of you every waking moment & dream of you at night. I love you always, Mommy xo 7/23/11 Dear Tor, I love you so much, my special angel!! Always, Mommy 8/1/11 Beautiful Beloved Tori, I miss you so much that my heart hurts! Please remember: I love you so, I love you so, I love you so! Love always, Mommy xo|
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