Spunky my darling little boy, how do I live without you. I need you, the tears are blinding my eyes and I will have to write later. Your sisters Soffee, Sarrie and Shainee are grieving for you with me. Oh my darling little baby.|
Another day without you my darling little boy. I don't know if I can make it, I am trying for Sarrie, Shaine and Soffee who miss you and look for you. "Dr. Mc sent me a message and he was crying for you, too. He said you were a legend for your courage in the face of overwhelming adversity, never complaining always there to signal your love for the care I provided. The memories will always reside within me, forever in my heart and soul."
My darling how am I supposed to live without you? How am I supposed to go on. I know I must for your "sisters" Sarrie, Shainee and Soffee who I love so fiercely and who you loved too except if they came near your food. And they knew not to mess with your food because mama would not allow it just as for them.
I remember the day I rescued you a little one maybe 2 months old and how sick you were and how with the help of God and the vets we pulled you through. How precious you always were. So stoic always, so regal, so majestic.
The memories of you will live on forever,
My darling there are so many memories and how you loved to go outside with me and when daddy was here and then we would be sitting in the gazebo and you would go up to daddy for him to pick you up and put you on his lap and talk to you and pet you. And then when daddy was gone you would do that to me. How you loved to be in the grass and smell it and bark if your sisters were barking, oh how I will miss that bark and those days. The mornings and nights are so sad for me, i see where ever I step. When you became sick, you never complained and went on with life as though you were healthy, and I tried oh God I tried to do all it would take to make you well again. But your little heart became so sick and we were able to keep you going for almost two years with the help first of God and the veterinarians and me mommy who kept a chart everyday of your meds and gave them faithfully night and day, it was never too hard for my baby. My little boy.
Where have you gone my little one, my little one where have you gone without me? You never wanted me out of your sight and so I made sure of that. You were so majestic, how I love you and I will carry you in my heart as I do Sassy and Sissy and all the others before them.
When someone came over or if I was at the kitchen table how you would come and bark as you wanted something to eat, too and how I or we would laugh and always gave you and the girls a taste. And then at night when we were all in bed all of you on your pillows and your baby quilts, you let me know you were still hungry and wanted something and so I would go and get you a treat for all of you. Sometime you would keep it up and want more, but I knew too many was not good for you and so I would sing to you all and you would lay down and listen. And then go to sleep and I would lay there and cry for your daddy and all I had lost and I was so afraid your illness would take you and so I lay and prayed and prayed. For a while God heard my prayers and you were okay not well, but okay, but then all of a sudden you became so ill and God sent His angels to lift you up to HIm and to the Rainbow Bridge. I said if you had to go then you would go in my arms and you did here at home at 12:30 Am on Sept. 16, into my arms and your "aunt" Janelles arms who was petting you as you lay on the couch under Oxygen. I will never forget my screams that night and how I didn't want to live either, but Morris and Janelle said I must go on for you would want me to and for the sake of my three little girls, God Bless them all.
Whose golden light you loved.
I shall sleep alone and, stirring, touch an empty place.
I shall write uninterrupted.
Would that your gentle paw could stir my moving
pen just once again.
I shall see beauty, but none to match
your living grace.
I shall hear music, but none so sweet as the
droning song with which you loved me.
I shall fill my days, but I shall not, can not, forget.
Sleep soft dear friend, for while I live
You shall not die.
There is so much I could say about the wonder of you and I know this that God gave you to me as a special gift. You will always live on in my heart and I will love and miss you forever.
If tears could build
No farewell words were spoken,
My heart still aches with sadness,
But now I know you want me
Since you'll never be forgotten,
Please go to your sisters and all mommy has lost and tell them I love and miss them all and they will all live on in my heart forever.
Darling, let the angels hold you and please Dear God tell the angels to give him a kiss for me and hold him in your arms he is new to being away from me.
Sept. 22, 2012
I sit here crying again. i am alone with my three little girls.I remember so much about your love. How sweet and gentle and how loving you were. How you never let anyone know that you were being hurt to try to save you. Oh my precious how you filled my life with joy and happiness. There are so many memories, you coming to where I was and me picking you up to love me. You were so brave, loved to lie where I was and at night when I carried you up he stairs how you knew because of your bad heart you could not climb the stairs so you waited on your little bed for me to pick you up and to carry you up the stairs to put you on our bed and the three little sisters Soffee, Shainee and Sarrie following us behind and since Mommy's bed is high off the ground I would pick them all up and put them on our bed. You knew which bed was yours I had 2 pillows for you and all of you and your baby quilts and you knew which was yours. I always kept a water bowl on the bed at the foot on an waterproof mat and you knew that it was there for you, too. Oh my God how do I go on> I know your sisters need me and I love them as much. You were such a little gentleman, and you were sweetness personified, and I miss you more than I could ever tell. Please come to me and let me know you are still here with me somehow. You live in my heart and I will always remember you forever.
Oh my darling, my little boy, Yesterday was one year since you left me. I can not bear it my darling. I cried and cried for you all day yesterday and today again. Oh my G-D how I need you. How I want to hold you in my arms again. I miss you more than I can ever tell my darling. Please let the Angels hold you and run and play with Sassy, Sissy, Shainee and all the others. I can barely see to write. My eyes are so clouded with tears.
Can you come back to me in my dreams? Oh G-d I can not bear this. I love you more than words can ever say. Run now and play and tell the Angels to let you have a treat which you would bark for. Oh how I miss hearing you bark.