7/16/16 My dearest Lenny, I'm missing you so much! Your whole life was a struggle beginning as just a young pup. I don't know what happened before you came to us, but I know it wasn't good. You came from an abusive home and very traumatic. So much so that it lived with you forever until the very end. When we adopted you on Dec. 13th, 2009, you just cried when your foster mom and dad left. You loved them even the short amount of time you were with them. You quickly bonded to your new dad, Bob, my husband. You and Cam man, our other deaf, white boxer bonded too. You were only about 2 1/2 at that time. A lot has happened and the trauma of an abusive puppyhood showed it's ugly head. Our life together was pretty normal, you got along with our greyhound Lily and we even would babysit a dachsund named Sunny every once in a while. You all got along so well. Then Chance came into the picture and when Lily passed, we got Grissom. Soon after that your best friend and fur brother passed, I remember it well, April 29, 2013 at 3 am. We brought his body home so everyone could say goodbye. You, dearest Lenny went over to Cam and just started sobbing, I mean really sobbing, then dear boy, you looked at us and back at Cam and started sobbing more. I know it was devastating to you. We had trouble in training you, but I think that dated back also to the abuse you received as a small dog. In March of 2015 you came down with Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia and almost died. You were hospitalized, had transfusions and a lot of other things. You had to take large doses of prednisone and we watched you waste away because of the pred which was causing severe muscle loss. You came home with a feeding tube and we nursed you as well as we could. Because of your love for us, Lenny, and the love we had for you, you survived! You kept going. Against all odds! Then there was the food intolerance. You couldn't eat regular protein so you had to be on a special diet. You did get better and it was a miracle. Father Andrie came over to bless you a couple days before the feast of St. Francis and he sprinkled you with so much holy water, I think all that really cured you. We still had to watch everything you ate but you grew stronger and stronger. Then we noticed changes taking place in you. At first little changes; fits of aggression that quickly came and went. More barking in the yard and not wanting to come in unless you were coaxed. And you, dear Lenny had a very loud bark. I know you couldn't hear it because of your deafness, but you sure had a 'big' bark! I was so appreciative of everything though, that you did. Because just a few short months ago we had almost lost our beloved little boy. Well my dear boy,it's getting closer and closer to the end. We noticed a lump under your tongue and was at first scared to get it checked out because we didn't want you to go out of remission with all the tests. We were just going to bring you in soon for a check up, but something out of your control happened. I know you couldn't help it. I know it was because of all the abuse in you past life before us, or it was a brain tumor that was getting unbearable and you couldn't control yourself any more. The rest is left unspoken because it's between you and me. We had to let you go to sleep forever just last night and I'm so sorry, my precious boy. You didn't deserve it and you couldn't help it. I feel though that I betrayed your trust. You trusted us and we let you down. I'm so very sorry.I cry for you, I weep and sob! You are simply the best! Way up to Cam. Now you two are together once more. I pray you are playing on the hillside and the meadows and visiting the rushing rivers you loved to visit. I am so sorry my lovely, sweet, loving boy. I wanted you to live at least a couple more years of happiness with us. I'm sorry. I missed feeding you your breakfast this morning and the bonding with your skin dad every morning in the big bedroom. You enjoyed that so much. I'll miss sleeping next to you when you aren't feeling well. I'll miss playing frisbee with you and also your new soccer ball and your very used basket ball. I'll miss coming home and seeing your smiling face in the window every time. And the greeting waiting for us when we came in the house. You were always so happy to see your 'mom and dad'. Missing you so much right now my lovely boy. I love you so much! I miss your sweet boxer snuffle and the way you always drank your ice water. You never made a mess and you never had any accidents. You were the best friend anyone could ever ask for. I MISS YOU LENNY AND I LOVE YOU! I NEED YOU STILL. You are the best, my boy, I'm so sorry you're gone. You will be forever in my heart! Forever and ever! There's so much more to say about you, but I'll save it for next time my little bud! I love you to the MAX my forever best friend. You took the place of Cam when he left, now I don't know what to do. ALWAYS LOVING YOU, my boy, love, 'mom'. Hugs and a million kisses to you! Mommy always kissed you so much and you always put up with me. THANK YOU!!!!! LOVE YOU LENNY BOXER!|
7/26/16 Hello Lenny. It's been 11 long days since you left. It's so empty here. I look at Chance and he's so small compared to you. No, nothing like you in fact. I know Chance or Grissom can't take your place, but it's just plain hard without you. You are/were the center of our lives. With everything kind of just depending on you. Your health mostly. When to give you your pills, when to let you out. What kind of food you ate, purified water vs. non-purified. You always checked everything before bed to see if everyone was in their right place. Then you'd go to bed on the couch and be on guard. Then in the early morning, back to Dad in the big bed until he got up. Then a rub down. I remember, it was like clock work. Your are such a good angel boy. Well, you get some rest and I'll visit tomorrow. I Love you bunches and bunches my sweet angel. I'll keep on holding on to the rope. Never let go, my boxer boy! Love and kisses and hugs, Mom
7/27/16 Lenny, you're not in the window when I leave and come home. I look for you and you're not there. It breaks my heart over and over again. I miss you sweet heart! I just had to visit and write a few things for you. You are one of a kind, perfect, sweet and the best dog that anyone could ever have!!!! I love you Lenny. Oh, Lenny I miss you so much! You made this house a home. Now it's just so quiet and void. You lit up this house 24/7. Now I feel that way to. Void, empty! Hope you're ok. Please give me a sign little angel boy. God bless you forever and ever. Nuzzles and hugs and kisses to you! Love, Mom....
7/30/16 Hello my sweet angel. Words could never say just how much I'm missing you, how often I think of you, how much I love you. My sweet boy, I hope you are resting. I hope you are better. You and Cam stay close to each other and never separate. Stay close until I get there. I can't wait to see you again! It's been 15 days now since you left us. My heart aches for you. I can't do anything. We lived for you. Now you're not here. I pray you are happy. Oh, my little one, do you know? Do you know how much I miss you? Your bark. The way you'd get treats. You'd bring me a toy (because you knew I'd give you a treat) because when you were so sick with IMHA, it was a HUGE thing for you to bring us a toy, because that meant you were getting better so I'd always give you a treat because you just did something huge and so I would reward you and give you some kind of treat. Like a favorite dog biscuit or sweet potato. Well that just became something you'd do when you wanted a treat. So you just did it more and more! You'd bring a toy to me so I'd give you a treat. When you really wanted to play seriously, You'd get your basket ball or frisbee and then go down stairs and bark until we'd come down to play. You loved that game. So did I. I miss everything about you! Keep holding on to that rope, my dear boy. I don't ever plan to let it go. Mama loves you so much! Rest easy dear boy, rest easy. Hug, snuggles and kisses to you sweet boxer boy,
8/5/16 Hello dear Lenny! It's been 3 very long weeks since you've been gone. You are what we lived for sweet Angel! Please tell me that you're ok. That you're happy. I just want to know that, because you loved 'dad' so much and living here with us and I don't want you ever to be unhappy. I want you to be joyful and fly all around on your angel wings. But I just want to be sure. I don't want you to be sad any more, ever again. I wrote kind of a poem after you left. It's the way I felt and still feel. I'm going to write it here.
You looked up at me with big brown eyes
We killed your loving spirit, your loving heartbeat stopped.
I remember oh so clearly, your face on that terrible day.
No one can comprehend, The last struggling breathes you took,
You had no conception of what your humans planned to do,
So sweet your face, I cannot forget, How you looked at me that day.
I will never forget your big brown eyes that I betrayed!
I'm sorry dearest, dearest friend,I loved you to the end!
It wasn't your fault, you hadn't a clue,
So now your toys, they lay quite still,
I'll never see you enjoy again the warm, soft summer breeze,
I miss you oh, so very much...how can I explain to you dearest friend,
I LOVE YOU my DEAREST, SWEETEST, STRONGEST, MOST LOVING Lenny Boxer! I will never forget you and will love you forever!!!! God bless you Angel! Love, Mom....
8/13/16 Hello, my sweet boy. It's 12:18 in the morning and I am so sad! It's been 4 weeks since you've been gone. I wish you were with me again. Please always remember I love you and I will never, ever, ever forget you! Oh Lenny, you mean the world to me and I'm so sorry that you had to leave us. You are my special angel Lenny! You now have wings. But that doesn't bring you back. I want you back. I sleep with your picture and I breathe in the blanket you last slept with. I will never wash it. Oh, my dearest boy, I'm so sorry....Thank you for being such a great dog and for being our dog! I love you Lenny Boxer! God bless you! Til we meet again, my angel love, God bless you! Love, Mom...
8/15/16 Hello, my dearest angel Lenny! Today it is one month since you left. I am heartbroken for you. I love you so much! I wish you were here or I was there with you and Cam Man. I just wanted you to know that I'm here, that I'll always love you and you are the dearest boy ever! I know you loved so much. When you were so sick, I nursed you back to health. You wanted to live for us! You loved us so much and of course the feelings were mutual! We love you so, so very much! Thank you for being our dog. You are the best in the world! I miss you! I love you! Stay with me. Never let go to that pull rope and I won't either. I'm counting on it. Love you Lenny! Love, Mom...
8/23/16 Hello Lenny, it's almost 6 weeks since that horrible day that you left. Every time I think of it, my stomach feels like it's plunging down to the center of the earth! My heart aches, and tears well up in my eyes. When I have to say your sweet name, I cry. I miss you so much! I wish the time would slow down, it's going so fast. I saw another rainbow last night. We were out for a car ride with Chance and Grissom, then, out of no where, there it was. I knew it was you, just reminding us that, you too, were with us. We parked and watched it until it disappeared. It's so hard to look at some of the pictures of you, although I see your face 'inside' of me all the time. My loyal, loving friend. I want to see you again, my sweet heart. My sweet Angel. You are a love bug! I miss coming home to you. I miss everything about you! Loving you for ever, my boy. Tons and tons of hugs and kisses to you Angel boy! God bless you and Cam, and Lily, Mischief and Candy and Please. Lenny, You are the best! Love, Mom
9/22/16 Hello my sweet Angel! You are my Angel boy! I'm missing you so very much! It's been so hard. I can't even think straight lately because I think of you all the time. I want to know that you're ok sweet boy. I feel so bad that you had to leave. Do you forgive mommy? You know I love you and would do anything for you. I wish it wouldn't have happened the way it did. I wish so many things, I wish they'd come true because then I'd have you here by me again. It's already the first day of Fall. It was mid-summer when you left. Oh, my sweet Angel, I miss you so much! Your face and your soft brown eyes that are pure love! You were so grateful for being alive after you were so sick. I really thought you'd have a couple more years left at least to have a normal happy life. That's what I'd pray for every day. It seemed like you were so healthy again. You were so strong and your fur grew back so thick and soft. You looked more healthy than before you got so sick. And then that lump under your tongue had to show up. I'm so sorry, my sweet boy. I know that's what it was. It was getting worse. I'm so sorry if you suffered. I'm sorry you got so frustrated and didn't know how to let it out.... Just remember my Angel, you are the best boy ever! There will never be another more special dog than you! You are so strong, so gentle, so playful, sometimes a little goofy, but best of all you are so LOVING! You loved everyone and wanted to play with everyone. I want to play with you now.... It's already been 10 weeks! I just want to know you're ok. I dread the start of each new day without you. I cry every morning. I hold your picture next to my heart. Please show me you are ok. Mommy loves you Lenny....God bless you boy- Love, Mom. You will always be my SPECIAL ANGEL!
October 8,2016 - Hello my very, very Special Angel! Mommy misses you! I haven't been able to sleep and nothing matters anymore to me. I keep thinking of you from morning til night. It's been 12 long weeks now since you left...I hate to think it's already been that long! Oh my Lenny I miss those beautiful brown eyes! You could see your beautiful, loving soul through those eyes. Gentle, loving, compassionate, faithful and trusting. Those eyes said 'I love you!' every time I'd look into them. There has never been a more sensitive loving soul as yours. Just look at those eyes, so deep, so loving so beautiful! I'm missing you so much, my sweet, sweet boy! My Angel boy! Mommy loves you so very much! I just don't know what to do! I cry all the time and I just can't do anything any more! Oh Lenny, where are you? Are you happy? I want you so much to be happy. I want you to be free of pain and I want you to be able to hear. To hear me whisper your name over and over! For you to hear me say "I love you Lenny!" over and over also. You have been the finest and most lovingest dog ever! You and of course your brother Cam. You two were best friends and fur brothers, brought together to love each other and us! We were so lucky to have you both! Lenny I need you back! You were/are so fun! Fun to be with. You are so happy! And when you were so sick, you trusted us and loved us so much, you got better. To be with us. I'm not doing too well without you, so please, my little angel boy, come visit me, Please? Come home to mama! I love you so MUCH! Love and Prayers, Hugs and kisses, and tons of playing with you and your frisbee forever and ever in heaven. Please whisper in my ear that you are ok. I am missing you so much! Loving you forever and ever, my special Angel, Love mommy!!!! forever and ever.....
October 15, 2016 Hello my sweet Angel Lenny! Mama loves you so MUCH! Today it's 3 months since you left. I think of you from the moment I wake up to the time I fall asleep at night. You are so special. April, your foster mom before we adopted you sent me a picture of you taken shortly before you came to us. December, 2009. You were 2 years and 5 months (approx.) You were so beautiful. What struck me most was your eyes! So loving! I have it pin-pointed why your eyes are so special. Because they are innocent, just like a child's. Because looking into them were the eyes of a sweet, innocent, trusting and loving child. They were soft and deep. You melted our hearts with them. To see the world through the eyes of a child. How wonderful! That's what I want to try to do from now on. Then maybe I'll see the world a better way. Your way! Oh my Lenny, I will never, ever get over you! I still cry every day looking at your picture. Those eyes, those big, beautiful, soft brown eyes looking back at me....melts my heart all over again. Makes me cry! I miss your favorite thing to do. Our car rides! You especially loved to go at night to see all the lights. You loved looking at all the Christmas lights around Christmas time. We'd drive around just so we could see the lights with you, because looking through your eyes were amazing. We loved to watch you as you looked at them. Lenny I miss you so much! I'm so sorry you had to leave and you are gone from us. Mommy loves you so very, very MUCH. Hold on to the rope that binds us together. You are an amazing dog! We are blessed to have you! I will always hold you tightly in my heart and never let you go! Thank you for sharing your life with us! Tons of hugs and kisses coming your way, sweet Lenny! Remember me sweet Angel, I love you ----Mama
November 15,2016 Oh, my sweet Lenny, I hate how the time is going so fast! The faster it goes, the longer you've been gone and it's breaking my heart over and over. You are such a special Angel! I love every little part of you! You have such a huge heart! I've been looking at some pictures of you and your best bud, Cam and almost every picture, I've noticed just how close you two are. When you sleep, you're touching each other. There's pictures of the other dogs with you too, but it's always you and Cam so close...you two loved each other so much! I remember when he left us in 2013. It was so sad! Our dear Cam man was lying in the living room lifeless and we wanted you and your other fur brothers to be able to say goodbye. You saw him and came right over to him and sobbed! You didn't just cry or whimper, you sobbed so hard! Then you looked back at us as if to say, "Is he really gone?". Then you looked back at your best friend and sobbed again! You knew you lost your BEST friend! I am so sorry my sweet Sunshine! It hurt us all. Especially me. Both of us. Now I pray you two are together again, always together, playing, romping, sleeping, together once more! I can't wait for the time I get to see you, my sweet boys again. Cam took most of my heart when he left and you, my sweet Lenny, took the rest of it. Now your mommy doesn't have any heart left. It's hard to do anything and it's like there's nothing to live for because we lived for you.... Your sweet face every morning! Each day, loving, playing, watching, learning...You taught us so much about love, patience, long suffering....I don't know what I'm going to do when the holidays come up! You will be missing. You loved Christmas the best! The lights, the presents, the people. You loved to go for car rides to see all the Christmas lights at night! You are just like a child that way and just watching you, was like looking at the lights for the first time also, just like a little boy. Just like you. Now the house is so quiet without you, it's deafening....My little boy, Mama misses you so much! I pray that I can see you so I can know you're ok and happy....Please my Len, Please....Remember that time, a few years back, right after Christmas. We were gone and you and Cam had the run of the house and you decided to go in the Big bedroom where dad kept all his Christmas stuff he just got. There was one of those big 'tins' of flavored popcorn there. Well, you could smell that popcorn and you wanted it! When we got home it was in the kitchen and you were just about to try to open it! You had rolled it out of the bedroom, down the hall and into the kitchen. I'm sure Cam thought, 'oh, no, there he goes again!'. I just would've loved to see you. You always were/are the 'LIFE' of this house.... I miss the sound of your nails on the floor when you walk thru the house. It wasn't because they were long, it's just that that's the way you walked and your nails always touched the floor. I could tell your walk from a mile away. I miss that, it was always so soothing and reassuring because I knew where you were and most of the time you were watching out for us and always checked everyone at night to make sure everyone was in their places before you settled down for the night! I miss you and love you Lenny, SO MUCH! I'm sending you tons and tons of hugs and kisses, and love and prayers! You are the best dog in the world and I need you back! God bless you, my angel love! I MISS YOU SO MUCH! GOD BLESS MY DEAR LENNY! The SUNSHINE of my life! Love, always and forever, Mama
December 16, 2016. Hello my sweet Lenny! I remember this time last year! You didn't particularly like the snow and cold, but on days when it would snow, nice clean, white, fresh snow, you'd love to lick it and eat it. Just like a child. I remember doing it myself when I was young. Making a snowball and then taking a bite out of it. Cold and wet. You loved it! You always liked ice cubes in your water too, even in the winter! So last year and early this year, every time you went out, you always wore that beautiful sweater, I always called it your Christmas sweater. It is red and white and you look so handsome and proud in it! You'd go around the yard by the fence and look around and do your business. Oh, my Lenny I'm missing you so badly! It's five whole months since you had to leave....I'm so sorry! I didn't want you to leave, my sweet boy! Your absence here is unbearable. It feels like a vacuum sucked out everything inside of me and is still on full blast...my heart and all my feelings inside, more and more each day! I just can't believe what happened. I love you so much my sweet Angel boy! It seemed that we were one. You always knew where I was and I always knew where you were. We slept together when you were so sick, I could never leave you alone at night. You had such a hard time and I knew you needed someone to comfort you in your illness and the bad side effects of all the medications you were on. I'm so glad I did. We were inseparable! Never again will there be another like you! Nothing will ever compare to you! You and my Cam Man, both of you meant so much!!! You two will always be together, brothers and best friends. He taught you everything when you first came and you two got along so well from that very first day, seven years ago 3 days ago. That's your 'Gotcha' Day! That's when we adopted you, December 13, 2009! I am so blessed and grateful for you being a part of our family. You taught us patience in all things, how to play, how to enjoy life, how to care for each other and you in your terrible illness and much, much more. The most important thing you taught us though, is how to love! Love at all times, in sickness, in happiness, when things go wrong and when things go right! You taught me unconditional, true, faithful LOVE! Just taking one look at your eyes and how you'd look at me (and everyone else), anyone could tell. Your eyes were deep, soft and beautiful! You could see your soul in your eyes. Your innocent, trusting, faithful, loving soul. You are my faithful, compassionate, loving, deep, innocent, beautiful (inside and out), most loving friend and companion ever! You are a super sweet bundle of life itself! You are/were THE life of this house. Thank you my sweet Lenny! I pray to see that you are ok and happy! I love you soooo MUCH! God bless you my special Angel! My sweet Angel boy! Love Mama
Jan. 15, 2017 Once in a lifetime a special dog comes into your life that teaches YOU about life. A confidant and best friend. One that is always there right by your side; faithful and true. Mine was LENNY, a beautiful white, deaf boxer. Gone for six months this evening. :'( Here is a Tribute FOR him and TO him:
February 27th, 2017 Hello my sweetest Lenny! Sorry I haven't written any memories for February like I was doing every month. I'm sorry I missed it. I visited you though. Oh Lenny, I miss you so much! Today I was out with one of the dogs, and I was walking along the edge of the fence just like you always did. I remembered that I sometimes followed you trying to prevent you from eating grass. I didn't want you to eat anything that would cause you to get sick because I didn't want you to go out of remission. I know you got so sick of me doing that! I'm sorry I did that but I just didn't want you to get sick and die! I wanted you to be well and happy! You must have been so frustrated with me! I miss you and love you so much! I can't believe you've been gone over 7 months now.....I wanted the time to slow down. I wanted to stay in 2016 because that's when I had you. I don't want this year! I hate this year! I will never be the same. I just can't believe what happened. You are the strongest boy I've ever seen! Against all odds you made it through that terrible disease, the food intolerance, and almost dying 3 or 4 times! You are precious Lenny. I miss your beautiful face in the window and when I come in the house. You were always there to greet me! To love me and to play! You always wanted to play with me! You didn't like playing with dad, he never knew how to play did he? But you loved him anyway! I miss you, I miss you, I miss you sooo much my Prince, my Angel Boy, my gate-keeper, my guardian, my best friend! Please come back so I can see you, so I know you're ok, so I know that you're happy! Please!!! I love you my sweet Angel Love! You are the very best!!!! God bless you so much! Oh, I forgot to tell you, I had a painting done of you and Cam and the both of you together. They will be here soon. They are so beautiful! I can't wait to get them and hang them on our living room wall. Always to remember you and Cam forever! God love you my Lenny, I love you so much!!! Love, your very, very sorrowful mama who misses you so, so much!!! God bless you my precious Angel! Can't wait to see you again!
March 18, 2017 Well my sweet Angel boy, it's so hard to think it, but you've been in heaven for 8 months now and my heart is breaking still! More than ever! My heart and soul hurts so bad! I am so, so sorry what happened! I love you so much, sweet Lenny! Sometimes I don't know how I can keep going. The days drag, not because they are slow, but because it's just hard to do anything anymore! You are my Sunshine! You are/were the reason to live, to love to live! Now I think just a waste everything is...there's just not much any more. Sure there's Chance, and Grissom. Cooper and Rudy now too. But believe me they wouldn't be here if you were here! I only want you! No one can or ever will be able to fill your shoes (paws). Oh, Lenny, I am so so sorry! I still can't believe we had to do it! Why? Why? Why! It is a terrible nightmare! Except I'm not waking up from it! Oh, my sweet, sweet Lenny! Please let me know if you are ok! Please?! Please let me know you're with Cam and having fun! Please! I want you to be ok because you suffered so much in your beautiful life you lived! So strong, regal! Remember I always used to call you 'Prince Lenny'? I know you do...Oh my Lenny, I miss you so very much! Remember a long time ago, probably when you were around 3 and 4 or so, I used to throw popcorn to you? You always liked popcorn so it wasn't a specific age you were at, but I'd throw them to you and you'd catch them! You caught 113 in a row! Now that is SUPREME! I don't think there's very many dogs out there that could do that! You are one of a kind! So special, so loving, so faithful! We used to give you popcorn kind of a lot, like when we had it, we'd always give you some. Even the day before you came down with IMHA. I remember, we got some popcorn from Candyland and when we came home we gave you a little. Not much because you couldn't have anything too greasy because of your pancreatitis. Who would have ever known that would happen to you! It was so awful to see you not being able to move or eat or drink. All you did was lay there! I love you Lenny so much and I miss you! I am soooooo SORRY we did that to you! I didn't want to, I didn't want to! Oh, my Lenny I pray I will see you again and be with you forever! Please forgive your mama? Please? Mama loves you so much! Everything about you was special! Everything! There was never a dull moment with you, you always loved to play, to cuddle, to love your people. Thank you for loving us and thank you again and again and again for being our sweet, loving, beautiful, handsome, proud Lenny Boxer! I love you my Lenny! God bless you sweet heart! I am so proud of you my boy! I admire you so much! Loving you so much baby Len, love your, mama...
April 24, 2017 Oh, my Len Len, My Angel boy, my Prince, my Sunshine! I miss you more and more each day and the days go by so fast! I just wish it would stop! I wish I could re-live that terrible day! I'd do it all differently! Then maybe you would be here. I cry so hard for you. Yes I still do every time I say your name or think about you....I miss you so much! I go to the river every week or whenever I go in that direction. I look for you. I go the same places you were. I drive really slow and I check everywhere for you...just in case. I want to be there for you..please come back to me...let me hold you, love you, whisper your name into your thick white fur! Oh, my Lenny, it's been over 9 months and each day there is a deep dread in my heart. I dread each passing day because you're not here where you're supposed to be. I'm sorry Lenny. I pray you forgive me. I am so lost without you my sweet boy! If only you would come to me. I pray everyday, always, to God for that but he doesn't hear me. He just doesn't want to hear my prayer...Oh Len I miss your sweet walk, and your boxer wiggle butt, I miss terribly those beautiful brown eyes that could see right thru to my heart! That's what hurts the most. Because those eyes said it all! Love, companionship, faithfulness, your unending faithfulness and love! But mostly all love, because that's what you are, Lenny, All Love! forever! Love you my sweet Angel boy, LOVE, MAMA forever and ever! God bless you!
May 17th, 2017 Hello my precious, precious Lenny! Oh how I miss you! I am having a very hard time without you here. Oh, if I could live the days over with you! I'd give anything to have you back or just to pet you and hug you and kiss your sweet, soft face and bury my face into your thick, white fur around your neck. Talking to you by having my neck press against you so you could feel my vocal cords so you'd know I was talking to you. You always knew anyway by always studying my face. The expressions, our smile when we talked to you...Oh Lenny, I'm so sorry you had to leave...it was NOT your fault! We thought too quickly! I just don't know. I just want you to know that I love you and miss you more than ever! I miss you out in the backyard. You used to play with frisbees and balls and your favorite - the giant frisbee/baby pool you loved to play with! You should be here! I should be feeding you like I feed the others! I want to. Some times I leave food out for you by your bed. I give you fresh water too. I always say just in case. I save some of those dental chews for you too! Of course I give you special treats that the others get too. I put them where your beautiful remains are. I give Cam the same. Your birthday is coming up soon. You're going to be 10 years already. Oh my sweet boy I cry when I think of it. You had the nicest birthday last year! We were so proud of you for how strong you were, surviving IMHA! I got you a really nice 'plush' soccer ball. You loved it. It's sitting on your bed in the living room along with your other favorites. Your blue frisbee which you loved most of all! It was torn in half but you still loved it and never wanted a new one! Even when I went out to buy you another one (or two), you still had to have your blue one! Then there's your basketball and rope toy from Jesse, your favorite boy. Your pull toys and the red/orange ball that I'd put treats or kibble in. Then you'd roll it around with your nose to get them out! You loved to do that and sometimes that's the only way I could get you to eat!
My dearest, dearest Lenny, I'm praying still every day that I can see you and know you're happy! That is so important to me! That you are happy! I want to see those beautiful brown eyes again, looking at me with so, so MUCH LOVE! Your eyes are/were the gateway to your heart! That's why your eyes were so beautiful and soft and loving, because your heart is so beautiful, so loving, so kind and faithful and pure! Totally pure! Oh, my sweet Angel boy! When you left, I left with you and I can't live normal anymore. I hurt too bad! You've been gone 10 months already! I wish and pray so hard that time would go backwards. Slow down! I need to be with you again! Our bond was so, so strong!!!! No one can understand that! No one could ever know or comprehend, it's so deep! I am so sorry my sweet boy! Please forgive me! I love you so much! I need you back! I need you! My heart is broken so much and it will never be the same here without my Lenny! God bless you my Prince Lenny, my Angel boy and King! Please show mommy some way that you see her and that you are ok? Please... I love you so much Lenny! Hang on to that rope (that golden thread) that holds us together and never let go, and I will never let go! My sweet Angel Lenny! Love you so, so much, Mama
July 2, 2017 Do you know how much I love you Lenny? Do you know how much I miss you? Oh, words would never be able to explain how much! Just know it's SO VERY, VERY MUCH! My heart bursts and breaks because you're gone! I look at those beautiful, loving brown eyes that are so sensitive, so full of life, with so much feeling! Oh my Lenny you captured my heart so MUCH! Our bond was like no other! When you were so sick we became even closer! I just don't know why things turned out the way they did! I am so very, very sorry! You should be here! I picked some raspberries today! You were here the last time I did! I looked for you and you weren't there! Today I cried so hard! I got so angry, I cried and screamed! I just don't know what to do! Oh my Lenny, I am so sorry what happened I know you are too! I know in your heart that you know....you know, my sweet love! My Lenny Love! Mommy misses you so much! I cry so much! I just can't think of anything else, my poor, sweet boy! I love you so much!!!!! God bless you! My dearest boy!
July 14,2017 My Lenny, I've been trying to visit you everyday this month at your residence at RainbowsBridge. But sometimes it's hard. I get so tired. I want this always to be a link to you. Today is a sad, sad day! Today is the day it started which ended with you leaving us tomorrow a year ago. I wish I would wake up from the worst nightmare of my life! I want you back so bad and I keep praying you'd come home! The church bells just tolled very slowly for a long time. I know it marks the beginning of that Thursday, July 14th 2016, when you didn't want to come in. Then things went down hill from there. That dearest Lenny was the worst day of my life. I re-live that day over and over. Oh, I pray and wish so bad it was a dream I would wake up from. I know the toll of bells are a 'sign' from you Lenny! They were slow and lasted a long time. I know because I live it over and over in my head. It was the exact time! I don't know what it means Lenny, whether it is good or bad. . .I know it is a mournful sound. The beginning of the end. I would do anything to live that day over again. Then you'd probably be here still. Loving and laughing and ever so playful! Our house is so quiet without our Sunshine! Yes Lenny, you are the bright Sunshine which started our day every morning. It was a treat to live and be with you! To suffer with you, to feel your pain. To at last break free from that awful disease that almost left us without you. You are strong Lenny and so full of love! That's what did it! That's what pulled you through! LOVE! Those trusting and beautiful, soulful eyes. I feel we let you down in the worst way. I pray you are having the time of your life with Cam man, your best friend and fur brother.I pray you are with my brother Gerard whom I tried to help, but couldn't in the end...He suffered like you my boy. You have to have seen him. I can't wait for the time when we will meet again! I love you so much! No one will ever understand our special, special bond. You are a special and one-of-a-kind boy that was sent from heaven to help me. I wish you were back with me. Forever and ever! God bless you, Lenny! Mama Loves you so much! I'm sending tons of hugs & prayers & kisses & love to you every second of every day! Please show me Len, that you are ok. Please give me special kisses. Anything. Please show me. Missing and loving you, so much! Love, Mama.
July 15, 2017 Hello my sweet boy! I can't believe this day...I kept praying it would never come..each day longer, the longer you've been away. I will never forget...never...I love you so much. We've beem thru SO MUCH! I went to the river tonight and just before I got out of the car, my phone rang. It was your boy Jesse wanting to know how I was. I told him I wasn't good. I miss my boy! I cried, he cried. Even though I couldn't see him, I know he was. I remembered all the love and happiness you gave to us! Every day, from morning til night. I wish I could live those years and days over again. All I can say is I'm sorry Lenny and I pray when I die, you will be there. That I can hold you once more in my arms and bury my face in your thick white fur around your beautiful neck. Whispering I love you to you. So you could feel the vibrations and know I was saying 'I love you' again and again. I love you my sweet Angel boy, Sunshine of my life! Please wait for me and hold on to that rope that binds us together and we'll be together forever! God bless you and Mama loves you so much!
October 14, 2017 Hello my Len! I love you and miss you so much! I've been having a hard time writing to you in our journal. Ever since the first anniversary of you having to leave us. That day was so horrible. Now, I think about you but it's hard to right it down. I cry so much! I love you so much! Everything I do reminds me of you. I don't know how many times I've said,if only Lenny was still here! Things wouldn't be the way they are. No my precious boy, you kept everyone happy and we never thought about much else. Now there's so much! So much stress, worry, sadness, emptiness. I wish so hard you would come back. My sweet Lenny love! I put a picture of you in the window facing the driveway so I'd still see your face everytime I came home! You always knew when we came home and your sweet, loving face would always be in the window BEFORE we even pulled in the driveway! Always!!! Oh, Lenny, how did you know? You had so many extra senses that made up for you being deaf! You knew so many things, even before we did! Thank you for always taking care of us, because that is what you did! Like when you barked at the intruder outside our house. You knew someone was out there and you barked in a totally different bark to let us know....just a few short weeks before you left. You are the most perfect dog! I always told 'dad' you were a perfect boxer! So perfect! Then there was the time when you stayed up all night when you smelled the smoke from the fires in Canada. They drifted all the way down to us in Minnesota. We went to bed that night with the windows open. I heard you going from room to room making sure everything was ok. I didn't realize why you were doing it until the next day when I could smell it too. But you have such sensitive senses, you knew and you stayed up all night checking to make sure we were ok from the smoke and fires!!! Thank you Lenny! Thank you!!! You always watched out for us! Thank you Lenny for coming into our lives! I wish so badly you were still here! You'd be 10 now...I always prayed you'd have a couple more years of happiness after you got so sick. I'm sorry my love! I hope you were happy everyday you were with us! I was so happy you are our dog forever and I can't wait to see you and love you more and more some day! Oh my Lenny, I love you so much!! God bless my Lenny! You are the most awesome boy in the whole world!! Please be with me forever because it's just so hard to live each day without you.... hugs, kisses, prayers and much love to you sweet Sunshine! My only Sunshine! Loving you always, Mama
July 15, 2018 My dearest Lenny. So much has happened since I wrote last time. Your favorite person in the world we lost to brain, liver, colon and lung cancer. We didn't even know he was sick! Your Daddy. I hope you are with him right now playing in heaven. That's my only consolation. Knowing he's with you and Cam and Lily and Missy and Candi and Please too! And all the kitties Daddy saved. He spent Last Thanksgiving and Christmas in the hospital and one time in between to have brain surgery. It is the hardest thing to have brain surgery. You have to really trust. Daddy is the bravest man I know because he let someone operate on his head, cut open his skull and take out a brain tumor that was the size of a small 'cutie' orange. Well that's why I haven't written for a while. Not even on your birthday last month. You would have been 11 years old. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY LENNY! I remember your last birthday! We were so happy! You were so Happy! You got a new plush soccer ball. You loved it but not as much as your basketball and frisbee. Your blue frisbee was your favorite! Do you have toys in heaven? Lenny, you are so special and you took everything in stride. Never complained, even all the times we almost lost you...you never gave up! Not even in the end! It wasn't your fault and for a long time I blamed Daddy. I wish it wouldn't have happened. I hate that you're gone because you made this home such a happy one. I sang the same song I sang to you to Daddy when he was so sick and it still holds true to both of you! 'I'll love you forever! I'll love you always! Forever and ever, my baby you'll be." I love you so much Lenny! God bless you my sweet boxer boy! My Angel boy! Say hello to Daddy for me! Mama is really sad....
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