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Memories of Joshua Von Linn
This is a story that only Josh and me know and in his memory I would like to now share it and hopefully give someone renewed hope, that it is possible to love again no matter how bad things were in your life. I now want to share with you....

" Joshua's Gift "

It all began years ago when I was a young child. My mother was unable to care for me so I was sent to a home for infants which was then run by the Sisters of Mercy. So at a very early age I knew what it was like not to be loved or wanted.
I stayed there until I was old enough to be sent to the County Orphanage, which was at age 4 . <BR> I became like a product on a store shelf. People would come on the weekends and look at all the kids (there were 400 children there at the time}, to see if there was one that they might want to take home for the weekend. <BR>I remember many a time standing there with many other children hoping to be picked only to be rejected yet another time. I finally got my chance the first time, when I was sent to a home only to be taken back months later by the state due to neglect. <BR> The second time I was taken , I was sent to a home where the police had to come and take me away because I was being abused. I returned to the orphanage and stayed there till the age of 6 . I was taken by a couple and for the first time I thought this was it. I finally found home and someone that loved me. Little did I know what laid in store for me. I will not get into any specifics but needless to say,that any way a person could be abused, I knew what it was.
It was at this very young age around 7 or 8 years of age that I think I made a concious decision that I would no longer trust or love another human being again. I went thru most of my life hateing and just wanting to be alone.
Then in 1990 a friend told me about a Rottweiler that was about to have a litter.
I went to visit the female on a regulare basis until the day the puppies were born. It was the most amazeing thing I had ever seen. And to watch the mother care for her babies made me feel something I never felt before. I kept going back to visit the puppies and on one day one of the puppies turned from where the whole litter was and came over to me. I picked him up and he started licking my face. That was the day that Joshua chose me to take care of. I brought him home and life was never the same again. <BR> I used to sing him to sleep when he was a baby (" you made me love you, I didn't want to do it "
Josh and I spent the next nine years together always together, even when I went to work he was with me. He taught me that it was Ok to put your feelings on the line. He taught me that in order to be loved I had to love myself and love back. Joshua gave me joy back in my life. At the end when he was at the vets for about a week I went to visit him and when I went into the room I got down on the floor and held onto him never wantng to let go, It felt like I was dreaming and none of this was real. Josh would be ok. As I was holding onto Josh for dear life he picked his head up and looked into my eyes and spoke to my soul. He didn't want me to suffer and it was time to let go. Joshua left that evening. I cried for weeks on end, something I had never been able to do before. Josh had given to me, something that I had never had before, his trust and his love. He trusted me with his life. His gift to me was the knowledge that any spirit, no matter how damaged can be healed. He gave me the gift to be able to embrace life once again and take a chance on Love. He saved me from myself. Thanks for taking care of me big guy. I will Love You forever.


A.K.C. Stewarts Joshua Von Linn

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