My gentle little girl Harriett Swain (my little pumpkin with the soft while coat and the beautiful big black eyes) ...We travelled the world together from L.A. where you were rescued from the streets 12 years ago as a little lost puppy to the home you loved for nine years in Washington State and finally two years ago to Australia (Mummy's home). You were my daughter, friend, my companion and I am lost without you. |
I don't want to remember your health struggles the past months...I want to remember the way you chased the squirrels in the snow (how I had to shovel a path out of three feet of snow for you to go pottie), how you would run round and round in the park, the night you brought a mouth full of grass into my bed with a rat inside the grass; and always that nudge of the little pink nose against my leg when you were hungry (hoovermatic) or the gentle lick just when you knew I needed it. That's the last thing you did before you left us - you gave me a gentle lick.
I remember the day I saw you at the markets in Long Beach. I really wasn't going to get a dog -- no way after losing Berwick four years earlier. But there you were in the make-shift pen with a little black ball of fur -- in fact I was attracted to him first. But in the end after going back 2 weeks in a row -- I chose you. We had that special connection right away if I think about it now.
You were definitely a little hunter - always bringing Mummy mice or rats - you even tried a raccoon once and thank goodness he was a little too fast.
You came everywhere with me - you me and the old Saab convertible. I almost lost you back in 2007 when you were diagnosed with diabetes. We got through that but in the end your tired little body finally gave in. So many wonderful times we had and so many funny stories. I will have to come back to complete my stories because I just can't right now - it's too hard and too soon - I just want to cry.
I miss you so much - my heart is so broken.
5/17/2012- You have been gone for 6 weeks now and it's getting harder to deal with life without you my little one - not easier; but your cousin Dodger has now joined you (as if the pain of losing you wasn't enough). I don't think he wanted to be here without you - his little protector. We will start a page for the "Splodge" the big loveable beardie rascal. I am sure Berwick has taken you both under his paws by now. I am going to add the photo of you and Dodger trying to get into the kitchen after you had been locked outside for stealing all the "greenies" or perhaps it was just that we had been out for a while, but you guys wanted in for sure. Gosh you just loved those "greenies"...I don't think I can even say the word "greenie" out loud or I will burst into a thousand tears. The day they told me this time I couldn't nurse you back to health, you still stole your last greenie ever - of course you couldn't keep it down - but you tried. Harriett at least you and Dodger are together waiting for me but in the meantime, I have heard from so many other mums and dads who wanted me to know that there are so many new friends already trying to show you both around. Look for Zander and Zianna, Spooky, Ginger, Joshua, Penny, Sidney, Nalla, Shoofly and Brande. Their parents are here trying to comfort me my darling. Your cousin Scuzzy is pretty lonely too - we keep telling the little "king" that now he controls the world perhaps it isn't so much fun - in fact he really misses you and Dodger. I regret so much that last day - I wanted to take you home but I knew you were in so much pain I will never get over that day - and the sun was shining outside but you didn't get that one last look. You never ever were a problem with all the needles and medicines - never complained - you were just an amazing soul. Mummy loves you and I miss you every single moment.
5/26/12 - Saturday - It's two months since I lost you my beautiful little girl. Mummy misses you so very much. I took cousin Scuzzy (yes I am babysitting him again) to the Park and it was so hard to be there without you running around in circles and flirting with the handsome young fellows (haven't seen Rufus lately - I am sure he will miss your attentions). This morning Scuzzy wouldn't even go into the lake without Dodgie. I sat under the Bauhinia trees that are in full bloom - their scent reminds me of you and how you would stretch out in the grass and crawl along to cool your tummy in the hot morning sun. The first time we came to the park right after I picked you up from quarantine the bauhinia trees were in bloom. There were so many new smells for a little dog from Washington State (and for me too after so many years). Visiting the Park is both comforting and so sad - it's not the same without getting you and Dodger out of my old car - what a performance that was. You just ran ahead looking for something new to smell while Dodgie did his best to keep up.
I missed both you and Dodger - hope you met him at the bridge. I can't believe cousin "Dodger" passed so soon after you. Can you believe he passed away at the groomers - his tired heart gave out. But that morning he was bouncing on all fours as he always used to before I gave him breakfast. It was blessing that we were able to stay with Aunty Roseina so that you had company during the day with her, Dodger and Scuzzy while I worked and spent so many hours going to back to school.
I came home and cooked a boiled egg and just automatically kept a piece of the egg white that you loved, for you - then I found the "greenies" jar in the pantry and cried. I miss your kisses - I am so glad that Uncle Ron in California taught you to give kisses when you were young - I will always feel that last kiss on my face. I think now I realize looking at your photos how much pain you were in those last months but never a whimper - what a brave girl you were. It's so lonely when I come home at night. I look for you resting on my bed.
I have to get back to studying again but my mind keeps wandering. It's so hard to concentrate without you keeping me company, always right there - my shadow, so precious. I left you some lilacs (remember the lilac garden in Manito Park - you loved runnning through there chasing squirrels) and some pizza. I wouldn't let you have pizza once you got diabetes, but it doesn't matter now - pizza for my girl. Oh and I left a bunny. You loved your "bun-bun". We lost her when we moved to Australia but she was precious to you and you never destroyed your bun-bun (remember we had to stitch her up after Denise's Buddy got stuck into her one day in Long Beach?). I will visit you again soon my baby.
9/6/12; You are never far from my mind Harriett. I keep thinking I should have tried something else to save you. I miss you so much every day. I just look at your photos and cry. You were so very special to me. I am struggling with school and I keep looking around for you and your beautiful trusting face with those eyes just looking right into my soul with so much love and spurring me on. It just seems so empty without you -
Feb 8th 2013 - My daring girl - it's been a while since I wrote anything but never a day goes by that I don't shed a little tear for you(well more than a little tear). Christmas has come and gone and you weren't there wearing some silly hat I put on you - not to mention the indignity of Halloween (and all those pumpkin and bee outfits). Life just goes on but you always are a part of me - deep in my soul. I just want you to know I keep working at school for you. I look at the photos and remember your love and our wonderful memories. You were such an amazing little champion and a beautiful gentle gift from God. Harriett there are days when I just can't be happy because you aren't here. I just miss you so very much. It's hard when no one else understands. Please let Dodgie and Boo know I love them and miss them too - hope you guys are running in the snow (Boo loved the snow too but I think Dodgie is a little summer boy). Time doesn't make the pain go away; right now I think it just magnifies it. At least here I can talk to you and almost hug you little one. Here's a greenie thought for you- love you.
2013 -May 16th- Hello baby my little schmootzer - I couldn't visit you here at the rainbow bridge the past couple of months because it was just a year ago that I had to let you leave me and it was just so painful. I often look for you when I get home or standing in the doorway watching me. I can't touch a greenie without thinking of you. It's so quiet without you and Dodgie. My heart is breaking just looking at your photos here today. Mommie misses you so much. I can't bear to have another to take your place Harriett. I think of you all the time.
2015 - May 15th - Well it has been two whole years since I wrote on your page Harriett. I still miss you so much. I tried volunteering at the local shelter but found that too difficult so now I just donate. I think of you often and I remember little things that you did like the nudge on my leg when you wanted my attention. Well I graduated a while ago from Uni and now do projects for them. Scuzzy is getting older and slower but tries hard to keep me company. I think he knows that and feels my sadness sometimes. I don't think the pain ever goes away. When I get home late I briefly think Scuzzy is you my little one - but then it isn't and I feel that empty hollow. I have to get around to putting together all your photos into a little album for me but still cannot. Perhaps soon...love you my little one and give Dodger and Berwick a big lick for me.
2015 - Sept 21st - Another sad day today as Scuzzy left us to join you. I miss the little rascal so so much and Aunty Roseina is terribly sad. He passed away quickly this morning. We had no idea he was ill and I truly thought he would be around for a few more years but unfortunately he had a tumour on his tummy that burst. It was so quick and my heart aches for all of you today. Please meet The Scuzz at the bridge - he will miss us at first. I am going to have a cry and look at the photos of the three of you in the park. The pain is so bad and losing Scuzzy this morning just magnifies it all.
April 2018: Wow so long since I visited you Harriett. You are never far from my thoughts. Another three years come and gone. We held the Commonwealth Games 2018 here this week. It was busy and exciting but we couldn't get to the park. I have never replaced you - I just can't. There will never be another Harriett my beautiful little girl. I hope you, Dodge, Scuzzy and Berwick are together and in a beautiful peaceful place. I miss you all so much. Love Mummy