2/11/14: My baby boy Comet,,,tonight I let you go. After your diagnosis last month of intestinal cancer, and possible renal failure, you were such a trooper, and even made a bit of progress over the past few weeks and I thought maybe, just maybe, you'd be a miracle and somehow beat the odds. But then out of nowhere, you crashed. You could not eat or drink, and you were falling over when you tried to walk. You could barely look me in the eyes, which you would do constantly, even when getting your meds which you did not like. You were so weak and out of it I could not believe that just days before, you seemed to be doing fairly well. I prayed and prayed that if God had made his decision and wanted you back, that he would take you peacefully in your sleep. But when this did not happen, and you started crying out and could not move, I knew I had to help you stop your fight. No matter how many times I have to make that decision, it never gets any easier to cope with. But I know that love also means making tough decisions, no matter how badly I wanted you to stay. You had given me so many years of love and laughs---you were such a funny boy. |
Since you were so afraid of people after having been severely beaten by our neighbor when you were 2, while we were still living on the horse farm, you would never let anyone even remotely close to you, so I was the only one who ever got to see your personality. The vets told me at that time to put you down, as you had a fractured skull, were urinating blood, and were so severely beaten that even if you survived, you would be paralyzed from the waist back. For some reason I just knew you weren't ready to go, and took you home with pain meds and antibiotics. I set up a blanket and pillow to lie down with you, as you were so fearful even of me at that point, I wanted you to feel safe around me, so I would just lie there. When I could finally touch you without you fighting, I would do pressure point treatments on you and mild massages, and you started to come around. After 6 weeks, you were walking and healing well. Since then you have given me 14 years of love, laughs, and smiles. I realize how blessed I was to have been able to see what a loving, sweet, funny boy you were. If you were human, I'm sure you would have been a stand-up comedian. All your nicknames keep running through my head---Comeedo Guido, Dot Com, Hang Ten (I loved when you'd grab the cat pole with both arms and just hang there upside down so I could scratch your armpits lol). You fought through so much in your life yet still had so much love inside you to give. You could teach many humans a lesson.
Your sister Lucky is very sad, as I'm sure you know. I have never had related cats that loved each other so much. I caught her looking inside your teepee today, and she just looked up at me, as if asking 'is he coming back?' It was so heartbreaking. She loved to cuddle and sleep with you. So when you are ready, please come visit her and let her know you are alright. I hope you are back to 100% again with no pain, all your weight back, and playing around like you used to. I hope Ellie and Slater met you at the bridge.
I took you to the crematory and brought your ashes back home. They read a poem there that was very touching, and I wanted you to have it on your page. Maybe it can help others who visit here as well.
I will always love and miss you my sweet, funny boy. Love and light,,,, Mommy XOX
If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
You will be sad, I understand,
I know that now my needs you'll tend,
Do not grieve that it must be you
Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in Heaven.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure
Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven
'Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven,,,,,,
11/26/14: Hi baby boy,,,,as I'm sure you know, there have been a lot of challenges going on here, and the pain of visiting all your pages was just too much for me, so I apologize for not getting here sooner. I know you've been here to comfort Lucky, and I thank you for that. She was losing so much weight from not eating, and would cry and cry for you, but thankfully she is eating again and seems much more comforted, so I know you've been to see her. She still cries out for you now and then, but I can see something different in her eyes that makes me believe you're there and she feels you. I thank you for that. Oh, how I miss our morning ritual, with you doing hang ten for belly rubs. You are such a funny, sweet boy, with such a knowing in your eyes of things I can only imagine. I love and miss you terribly, as I'm sure you know by my tears. I hope you are whole again and know all you guys are my heart. Love and Light baby boy XOX
2/10/15: My sweet baby boy,,,,tomorrow is one year since you crossed over,,,I can't believe how it can still feel like yesterday. As I look at your photos, I still am blown away by the trust and knowing in your eyes when you would look at me---it's something I don't even see in most human's eyes---and yet it was something you gave only to me, due to your fear of everyone else. I feel so blessed and honored that it was me you chose to love and trust,,,oh, how I miss our mornings and your adorable rituals. You and all the others can transcend me away from any problems and stresses just by the looks in your eyes and the love I feel coming from your souls. And how each and every one of you are so different in your personalities, yet so similar in your ability to feel and love. Yet another thing humans can learn from cats :) You baby, in particular, after everything you went through in your younger years, still had so much love to give,,,it's amazing. I can only have faith you are well again, and happy. I am sure you miss cuddling with Lucky, but I imagine you do still do so in your own way. As I'm sure you know, she is doing okay, but boy how she has become vocal, and I know it's because she is still, even after a whole year, calling out for you. She also wants to snuggle with me much more than she used to, and she pushes right up into my neck----something I think she does to feel my heartbeat, like she used to do with you. Please visit her as much as you can, as she needs your comfort. I will always have you in my heart baby boy, and always treasure the time we had together. May you still feel the love I have for you. I miss you terribly,,,,
1/3/16: Hi my baby boy,,,,Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,,,,I am so sorry I couldn't write during the holidays, but as I'm sure you know, things were not good and I was having a hard time. But as I told Ellie and Slater, I'm sure you know that your stocking was up, as I felt you there. In case you were busy and did not know, as you didn't know him very well, Jettie went to the bridge very early new year's day. Although he was a big boy, he was very, very sweet and never fought with anyone, so please find him and guide him through his time there. I told your mom and Slater to help him also. I miss you all so very much, and feel you every day. Thank you for watching over me. Love and light sweet boy,,,,XOX
2/11/16: Hi buddy boy,,,,,today it has been two years since you went to the bridge. I love and miss you every day,,,still miss the 'hang tens' in the mornings :( Your sister Lucky STILL cries out for you now and then, and she started a new routine of having to hug me,,,it's the sweetest thing,,,she actually climbs up on my lap and puts her 'arms' around my neck and squishes her head into my ear,,,,but I'm sure you have seen it :) I think it's that she so misses hugging you in your cat beds, and I bet you miss that too. :( I hope you visit and let her know you're there, and know how much she loves you, as I know you do her. I can only hope you made friends with your cousin Jettie when he recently came to the bridge. I sometimes can't understand how time works,,,I know it's only our human reality, but it can feel like yesterday that you left and then sometimes feels like an eternity until I'll see you again. I can only hope you know how much you mean to me and how much happiness you brought to my life. Tears still fall for you baby,,,,Be well and play in peace baby boy,,,,,Love and Light,,,mommy XOX
11/27/16: Hi baby,,,I signed on today as it has been 3 yrs since your cousin Slater went to the bridge, and I wanted to also put up Christmas stockings on all your pages. I also wanted to thank you for visiting me,,,like the other morning when you had China do the upside down hang ten pose under the pole---she has never done that and you were the only one who ever did, so I know you were there with me and I thank you for that. I miss those hang tens so much, and the actual smile that would cross your face :)
2/9/17: Hi sweet baby boy,,,in two days it will be 3 years you've been gone,,,as I keep experiencing, it seems so unreal that so much time has passed. Odd how the human mind remembers the sadness of the last day as the gauge of time. I am trying to learn how to always remember the many years of good times and not focus on the sickness or the bad times. I keep staring at your photo and how strong and healthy you looked then, so that the other memory of how skinny and weak you were those last few weeks gets pushed out of my mind, because that was not what your whole life was about. You taught me so much Comet,,,belief, hope, compassion, patience, and what really matters. I love and miss you so much and can only hope and believe you are well and happy again. Kisses and rubs, Love and Light baby boy,,,XOX
7/27/17: Hi baby boy. As I'm sure you know by now, your sister Lucky went to the bridge last night. I hope you were able to meet her there and let her know she will be okay. I know you've missed her as much as she has missed you, and I know you most likely cuddled up in a kitty bed with her last night like you always used to do here. You two were the only related kitties I've had that loved each other so much and stayed so close throughout your lives on earth, and I know you will now share your life in Heaven together, never to be apart again. I love you Comet and have missed you so much. Please be with your sister as I'm sure she's a little scared right now, not knowing why she isn't here with me, just as I'm sure you were too. Please show her how to visit like you learned how to do. And know you are always in my heart. Love and Light baby boy,,,XOX
11/23/17: Hi baby boy,,,how have you been? I hope you are with Lucky---I miss you both so much it kills me. It's Thanksgiving Day, and although this holiday has not been a happy one for me for many years, I am always thankful for all you guys and the love and laughs you gave me all the years of your lives. As I told the others, I am trying to focus on your lives, and not the sad stuff of the ends of your lives, because your lives are what need to be remembered and celebrated. Thank you for being in my life, and know that I will love and miss you always. Love and Light baby,,,XOX
12/25/17: Merry Christmas baby boy,,,,I wanted to let you know that a candle has been lit in your resting place to honor all your lives and that your spirits live on. I love and miss you so much baby boy and hope you and Lucky are cuddling like you used to here,,,,,Love and Light,,,XOX
1/1/18: Hi baby boy,,,today is New Year's Day and I came out to write on Jettie's page, as this is the day he passed two years ago. But I wanted to visit you and let you know how much I miss you every day, and that no matter how it happens, or how long goes by, the pain of your loss is still there with a hole in my heart that will never mend. But I am learning more and more to focus on all the love and happiness you gave me for so many years, instead of remembering the sad day of loss, as it is your life that deserves the attention and honor, not your passing. I hope you can feel the big hug and kiss I'm sending you, and know you'll always be in my heart. Love and Light baby boy,,,XOX
5/27/18: Hi baby boy,,,,today is one year since Precious left, and I came on to write for her anniversay and wanted to say hello to you and everyone. I hope you are okay and that you and Lucky are together and happy and well. I miss you so much and hope you know I will always have you in my heart. Love and Light baby boy,,,XOX
9/29/18: Hi guys,,,,I came out just to say hello to all of you, as I feel you so much in the sunroom lately, and Precious--I feel you in Thomas' eyes every time he looks at me. I miss you all SO much,,,,every one of you had something so unique,,, and I remember everything we shared together and how you made me feel so lucky to be able to care for you. Please be with me now, as I'm sure you know I am fighting for the rest of us here and our home, and I need all the love and strength you can send. Always know how much you all mean to me, and how much I love and miss you every single day. Tears flow, but through them I try to smile by remembering all the good years of love and laughs and fun. All of you will forever be in my heart. Love and Light babies,,,,XOX
12/25/18: Hi baby,,,,it's Christmas and I'm missing you and all the others who have passed. As you know, except for my brief visit with my sister every Christmas, since my mother passed all I've had are you guys to cheer me up and get me through. I hope you know I still love you so much and always, always will. Merry Christmas Comet,,,,Kisses, hugs,,,,Love and Light,,,XOXOXOX
1/26/19: Hi baby boy,,,,I'm sorry I didn't come out on New Years,,,I was so depressed and sad I just couldn't bear visiting everyone. I hope you heard me tell you Happy New Year and how much I love and miss you. Love and Light sweetie,,,,XOXOX
2/11/19: Oh baby boy,,,today is 5 years since you left,,,,where does the time go? STILL seems like just yesterday you were doing your 'hang ten' on the corner cat pole so I would rub your belly and chest, with your eyes closed and a smile on your face, literally. What a strong boy you were,,,,even after all the horror you went through as a young boy at the farm, you still had so much love to give and gave me the trust to let me see it,,,how blessed I am. I hope you and Lucky are cuddling together as you used to---she was so lost here without you. Please know you will always, always be in my heart, and that I will never stop loving you. Thank you again for all the years of love and laughs,,,,Love and Light baby boy,,,XOXOXOXOX