I miss my shadow
by regina flange
I miss my 8 year old Tyson beyond what words can describe. Why did he have to go so suddenly without me getting to give him a last treat or a huge steak dinner if I knew his last moment was here. I had to put my sweet 70 lb boy who thought he was a lap dog to sleep at 1am on Sunday morning on 4/2/16. He was completely fine one moment running any playing with our other doggie then they went and cuddled up to sleep together. About 2 hours later my husbands calls me into the room and asks me to hurry. My husband said Tyson was asleep and when he woke up he stood up and was wobbly and could barely walk. When I got to him he was sitting against the couch then collapsed. He felt cold, had dilated eyes, white gums, and labored breathing. I rushed him to the emergency vet for them only to tell me minutes later he had blood cancer and a tumor on his spleen had burst so he was bleeding internally. Hemangiosarcoma (the silent killer) to be exact. Since his prognosis was so poor I decided to put him to rest to ease his pain. He never showed any signs of this disease prior to this event.

I wanted to be in the room with him for his last moments and I honestly feel like he was mad at me. He kept turning his head away from me like he didn't want to look at me. We always layed face to face and I would kiss him on the forehead and he would lick my cheek. But he was in so much pain that the normal happy face I was use to staring at was gone and an unhappy face just starred back at me as I cried and sobbed knowing that these were my last moments with him.

I cannot stop crying and sobbing. My young 2 legged kids (ages 4 and 2) keep asking me why I'm crying and if I can go to the vet and see Tyson sleeping so I don't have to be sad anymore. Hearing my 4 year old ask me this makes me cry even more. I almost feel like I'll never get over this. I do still have my other 54 lb sweet girl who is almost 8 years old with me but I can tell she is very sad that Tyson is gone as well. She has never known a world without him as she's been with him since she was 8 weeks old. I have to be strong for her and help her learn how to be an only dog now. I guess we will lean on each other to get through this painful time.
Comments would be appreciated by the author, regina flange
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