Memories of Pickles
by isabella
Pickles was struggling. It was obvious. She wobbled as she walked, she can hardly breath. I decided to sleep in my parents room on a mattress laid down on the floor. My baby brother and I switched sleeping spaces for the time being. Pickles could not sleep on my bed as it was elevated. She could fall. I also would want her and I to be surrounded by our loved ones. I had sleepless nights as Pickles did too. She’d walk around confused and restless with her pain and struggle. One night, she kept going towards my head, constantly asking for hugs. She’d leave then come back. She was starting to say good-bye.

Pickles passed on a Friday. Wednesday night, I asked by siblings to say their good-byes to our beloved pet. She lies down, struggling to breath. Her spirit never waned. My sister whispered her good-byes. Letting Pickles know that it was okay for her to go. My brother was out of town at that time. That same night, he told us that as he was walking back home from the gym, he looked up at the night sky. There, he saw Pickles. He didn’t elaborate on what form… by the clouds, the moon. He just said, he saw her. Pickles knew he couldn’t be there so she reached out and said her good-bye to him.

Weeks and days leading to Pickles’ passing. I had two requests from her. I asked her to go on her own, I did not want to put her to sleep. I did not want to be the one ending her life because for me, as long as she still lives, there is hope. I also asked if she could go peacefully. No struggle and no crying out in pain. She did just that. Thursday night, I decided to euthanize her the coming Saturday. I did not go to work on Friday, I wanted to spend every last moment with her. A little bit after lunch, Pickles stood from where she was lying down. She walked a bit and excreted black excrement. She walked a little bit further to the laundry area where I found her. I picked her up. I looked at her. It was a miracle that two full eyes, free of cataracts were looking back at me. It was a miracle for Pickle had lost one of her eyes previously. I told her, it was okay for her to go. I will be fine. She will be at peace. I laid her down. She exhaled her last breath quietly and she was gone. I cried as much as my heart could cry. I kept thanking her. Up until her last physical moments on earth, she fulfilled my wishes.

It was my Mom’s birthday, the 10th of February. Almost a month after Pickles’ passing. I went up to my room after having dinner. There on my coffee table, I saw a ball of fur. It was Pickles' with the color and texture. I knew then that it was Pickles’ way of greeting my mom a happy birthday. No wind could have possibly blown that ball of fur to my table. No one could have found and put that on my table as well. My table also stood alone, away from my bed and other tables. It was indeed a miracle.

Pickles came to me in a dream. She just ran towards me. There were other dogs behind her but I couldn’t really see from the figures. This happened a week before Mealie had passed on. She was fetching Mealie. The dogs behind her were our pets who had also gone. Pickles assured us that Mealie will be in good hands. It was then easier to accept Mealie’s passing. She is going to a much better place.
Comments would be appreciated by the author, isabella
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