THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN OUR 12TH CHRISTMAS TOGETHER. SHELBY LOVED CHRISTMAS AND KNEW ON THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING WHEN WE STARTED DECORATING THAT HER STOCKING WOULD SOON BE FULL OF HER FAVORITE TREATS. SOMEHOW SHE KNEW WHICH ONE WAS HERS AND IT WAS ALWAYS A FUN GAME TO ASK HER WHERE HER STOCKING WAS AND WATCH HER HIT IT WITH HER NOSE. WE DID THAT THIS CHRISTMAS. WE HUNG THE STOCKINGS, SET UP THE TREE AND HUNG SOME LIGHTS OUTSIDE WHILE SHELBY SUPERVISED FROM HER USUAL SPOT IN THE FRONT YARD. SHE WAS ALWAYS WHEREVER WE WERE. SHE LOVED HER FAMILY AND KNEW THAT SHE WAS ONE OF US. IT WAS UNUSUAL FOR US TO BE OUTSIDE WITHOUT HER..SHE WAS JUST ALWAYS THERE. SHELBY'S STORY IS A VERY LONG ONE..SHE HAD BEEN WITH US THROUGH THE ARRIVAL OF THREE CHILDREN, WHO SHE WELCOMED AND LOVED AND PROTECTED. MY KIDS HAVE NEVER KNOWN A LIFE WITHOUT HER. WITHOUT WRITING A NOVEL, I WILL SAY THAT SHE WAS VERY MUCH ONE OF US..A MEMBER OF OUR FAMILY THAT WE MAY HAVE TAKEN FOR GRANTED SOMETIMES.SHE WAS ALMOST TWELVE. HER BIRTHDAY IS IN MARCH..WE KNEW THAT MUCH, SO WE CELEBRATED EVERY YEAR ON MY BIRTHDAY..MARCH 15TH. IT WAS OUR SHARED BIRTHDAY. I'M NOT MUCH LOOKING FORWARD TO IT THIS YEAR. I GUESS TWELVE IS OLD FOR A LARGE BREED DOG. WE KNEW SHE WAS GETTING OLD..SLOWING DOWN AND SHOWING SOME OTHER SIGNS OF AGING. WE JUST COULDN'T IMAGINE LOSING HER ANYTIME SOON. THAT WAS ALWAYS WAY DOWN THE ROAD, SOMETHING WE COULDN'T THINK ABOUT. WE DIDN'T EXPECT IT. WE HAD A WONDERFUL THANKSGVING WITH FAMILY AND SHELBY WAS VERY PATIENT IN WAITING FOR HER TURKEY. ANOTHER MEMORY OF SHELBY..ALWAYS KNOWING WHEN IT WAS THANKSGIVING AND WATCHING ME PREPARE THE TURKEY. THIS PAST YEAR SHE HAD BEEN ON A WEIGHT REDUCTION DIET. SHE HAD SLOWLY BECOME OVERWEIGHT AND IT BROKE MY HEART WHEN I REALIZED THAT I HAD DONE IT. I NEVER THOUGHT THE TREATS AND BITES OF PEOPLE FOOD HERE AND THERE WERE HURTING HER. SHE DIDN'TMUCH LIKE HER DIET FOOD, OF COURSE, AND ALL DAY WE TOLD HER SHE COULD FORGET THE DIET FOR A DAY AND HAVE SOME TURKEY. SHE DID..THANK GOODNESS SHE HAD THAT. SHE WAS VERY HAPPY AND WE ALL LAUGHED AS SHE LICKED HER PLATE CLEAN. THE DAYS AFTER THANKSGIVING ARE HECTIC HERE..THE KIDS ARE SO EXCITED ABOUT GETTING STARTED ON CHRISTMAS STUFF. WE UNPACKED BOX AFTER BOX AND TRIMMED THE TREE ON FRIDAY AND DECORATED OUTSIDE ON SATURDAY. SHE WAS FINE..THIS IS WHAT MAKES IT HARDEST FOR ME. SHELBY WAS JUST SHELBY. I NEVER NOTICED ANYTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY. SHE WAS SLOWER AND SLOWER EACH DAY. SHE HAD TROUBLE WITH THE BACK STAIRS, SO WE LET HER OUT IN FRONT. WE WERE JUST GETTING USED TO HER GETTING OLDER. BUT NOTHING SERIOUS WAS HAPPENING. I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND. SATURDAY WE WERE BUSY ALL DAY AND SHELBY WAS HERE AND THERE..WATCHING ME, WATCHING THE KIDS, RESTING IN HER SPOT. THE DAY WAS OVER BEFORE WE KNEW IT AND I TOOK HER OUT FOR THE LAST TIME AT 11:30. SHE WAS FINE..DID HER THING AND BARKED A LITTLE AT THE NEIGHBORS CAT. SAME THING AS EVERY NIGHT FOR THE PAST 12 YEARS. I FELL INTO BED EXHAUSTED AS I HEARD HER FINISH HER MILKBONE AND PLOP DOWN IN HER FIRST "SPOT " OF THE EVENING. SHE ALWAYS STARTED OUT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS BY THE FRONT DOOR ON HER FAVORITE RUG, AND LATER ENDED UP IN THE FLOOR NEXT TO OUR BED. SHE WAS THERE EVERY MORNING WHEN I WOKE UP. I SLEPT FOR ABOUT THREE HOURS AND THEN SOMETHING WOKE ME UP. I GOT UP AND SOON REALIZED THAT SHE HAD VOMITED TWICE IN THE HALLWAY AT SOME POINT AND CLEANED IT UP , SILENTLY CURSING THAT TURKEY SHE HAD EATEN. I TOK OUR OTHER DOG OUT SINCE I WAS UP ANYWAY AND CALLED TO HER IN CASE SHE NEEDED TO GO OUT AGAIN. SHE DIDN'T COME. NOT SO UNUSUAL..SHE WAS A HEAVY SLEEPER AND HAD JUST GONE OUT A FEW HOURS AGO..SHE PROBABLY DIDN'T FEEL LIKE GETTING UP. I DID A FEW MORE THINGS..TRIVIAL THINGS, NOT KNOWING. FINALLY I WENT BACK TO THE BEDROM AND INSTINCTIVELY REACHED DOWN TO TOUCH HER AS I STEPPED OVER HER TO GET INTO BED. SHE WAS A LARGE DOG AND TOOK UP ALL OF THE FLOOR SPACE NEXT TO THE BED. I THINK I JUST WENT NUMB AT THIS POINT..SHE DIDN'T FEEL RIGHT . I RAN TO TURN ON THE LIGHT AND FOUND THAT SHELBY HAD GONE TO SLEEP FOR THE NIGHT, NEVER TO AWAKEN IN THE MORNING.THE REST IS EVEN MORE PAINFUL..BUT MAINLY IT WAS JUST SO UNEXPECTED. THAT IS HOW IT HAPPENED BUT I'LL NEVER KNOW WHY. EVERYONE WE TALKED TO SAYS IT WAS MOST LIKELY JUST NATURAL CAUSES. SHE HAD REACHED HER LIFE EXPECTANCY AND WAS OVERWEIGHT ON TOP OF IT..MAYBE SHE HAD SOME UNDETECTED HEART PROBLEM. WE TRIED SO HARD TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER FOR SO LONG..THE WHAT IF'S AND WHYS ARE KILLING ME. IT'S BEEN A LITTLE OVER A MONTH NOW, AND I STLL CRY EVERYDAY AND GO OVER AND OVER THE DAY..THE WEEKS BEFORE IN MY MIND. GUILT IS A HORRIBLE THING THAT EATS YOU ALIVE IF YOU LET IT..SOMEHOW THIS MUST BE MY FAULT, I THOUGHT. IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. BUT IT'S A NEW YEAR AND MY KIDS JUST HAD THEIR FIRST EVER CHRISTMAS WITHOUT SHELBY. WE LEFT HER STOCKING UP AND WROTE NOTES TO HER TO PUT INSIDE. NOW WE'LL PACK IT AWAY WITH THE REST OF HER THINGS..FAVORITE TOYS, HALF CHEWED BONES...EVEN HER BRUSH FULL OF FUR THAT I CAN'T BEAR TO CLEAN OUT. WE REALIZE THAT WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AND MOVE ON. IT'S HARDERST FOR ME, HER MOM. I FEEL LIKE I'VE LOST A CHILD AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT HER. ROUTINES HAVE CHANGED..MY LIFE HAS CHANGED. I MISS HER TERRIBLY AND TAKE COMFORT IN THINKING ABOUT HER RUNNING SOMEWHERE WITH NO PAIN IN HER LEGS. I IMAGINE HER WITH A LEAN, FIT BODY THAT IS NOT A BURDEN TO HER. I KNOW THAT SHE IS CLIMBING STAIRS EASILY AND QUICKLY LIKE SHE DID SO MANY YEARS AGO. I HOPE SHE KNOWS THAT WE LOVED HER MORE THAN WE EVER KNEW WE COULD AND OUR LIVES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WITHOUT HER. MERRY CHRISTMAS SHELBY! THIS IS NOT YET A HAPPY NEW YEAR FOR US..BUT IT IS A NEW YEAR. WE WILL THINK OF YOU EVERYDAY, AND HOPEFULLY WE WILL BE ABLE TO WITHOUT BEING SAD. WE HAVE SO MANY GOOD MEMORIES..WE ARE JUST TRYING TO SUMMON THE COURAGE TO GET TO THEM.