by Jen White
Dear Mookie,
I wanted to take this time to say goodbye to you.
We lost you yesterday and I know it was for the best but there is this HUGE part of me that can't seem to understand how it was for the best. I keep thinking I'm gonna turn the corner or go upstairs and there you are waiting for me.
I know that when the doctors told us on Tuesday that it was cancer I all but wanted to die knowing that the world had played a cruel joke on us. But you kept on in that grace that I know and love so well. We had the next major blow when Grandma & I decided if we should let you live or end your life before the suffering took away your dignity and pride and spirit. Please baby know that no matter what I love you and think I did what we did in your best interest. You were too old to give chemo to and I had the thought of you suffering through the chemo. You were my buddy and I'll never forget you. Please know that. Grandma swears she heard you bark last night and I think to myself why don't you let me know you're ok. I'm sitting here crying as I type whatever comes to my mind because I need you to know that I wish I could have done more to help you.
I remember that face when we went to get you that first day and it was sooo beautiful and loving and that nubby of yours was just wagging. Oh how I'd have given to seen you as a puppy big feet and big ears. Those eyes of love just staring at me. You were my world and my strength. We were partners in crime eatting Grandmas meatballs whenever they were being made for you. =) Wow baby, how I wish you were here this morning coming up wanting your morning lovies. Stay sweet and by my side in my heart always. I hope to see you soon. Take care and have fun playing with Pookie I know he's there with you.
Love you always,
Mommy