This is the story of Paige. My girlfriend came up with the name before we even got her, and I already knew it was perfect. We drove to Morrilton, AR on June 29th and picked out a beuatiful white labrador retriever.
Everything was perfect. It being summer, I had a lot of free time and was therefore able to spend a lot of time with my newly acquired best friend. Within weeks she was housebroken and gave me such joy at every moment. She learned so quickly - she was so smart! She quickly learned my name ("Daddy") and my girlfriend's name ("mommy"). She loved to chase the tennis ball and I threw it for her every day after class. She leashed trained quickly and I was simply amazed. It was as if she understood me immediately. I was rejoicing that I was capable of raising and establishing a relationship with something so wonderful, so unique.
My roomate had been out of town for about a month, doing whatever. He decides to come into town for one day and one day only. I only had one class that day, so I left, leaving him in charge of Paige for one hour. As i return and walk through the front door, he tells me nonchalantly, "Paige ran off." He wasn't watching her, apparantly, and she escaped.
I didn't panic at first. I scoured the neighborhood, asked all the neighbors, expecting to see her any minute. The minutes became hours, and pretty soon it was dark and very cold. All in the while, my roomate is inviting friends over and enjoying drinks with them. My girlfriend and I purchased flashlights and continued our search, with a growing sense of panic, until about midnight. We finally decided someone had taken her in, and we would be able to locate her in the morning. Despite these optimistic conclusions, we cried and cried. After all, we missed our "Poopface" (that's what we called her)
We were wrong. The next morning my roomate left town again. We have never seen nor heard from Paige since then. We have looked. We visit the animal shelters daily to no avail. It's tragic and ironic, to look upon all these dogs in need of an owner, and here I am, an owner in need of a dog. We still hope, and this hope keeps reoopening the wound that we feel, the wound that does not seem to abate with time, only become more potent. We've had a few leads, but they all turn out useless. It seems like every dog in this town has been found but ours. We don't know when it will be the right time to start coping, or even if we will ever be able to. I can't drive down the street without looking around. I can't hear the phone ring without thinking it will be someone, someone who can reunite me with my PI (what i called her, being a math geek). I can't hear a dog barking without investigating it. It is agony. Believe me.
My girlfriend and I cry every night. Sometimes during the day I break down. I absolutely can't help it. I wish I just knew. Knew if she was out there in the cold, if maybe she's with a family who loves her, or maybe she's dead. I just don't know if I should hope or if I should cope. The lack of closure is utterly agonizing. I hope she's ok. We don't know where she could be, it seems like we've looked everywhere.
I try very hard to see the positive side of things. I always think "Well, next time I'll know better." I don't see anything good coming from this. No lesson to be learned. My parents described me as being "the best pet owner we ever knew, even us." I never screwed up. I got her all her shots, her spay, everything. I loved her and would have died for her. No question. I have sought deeply into my own self for an explanation, something to make this make sense. I guess the lesson is that life isn't fair. You can do everything right, never make any mistakes, and still, everything is out of your control. I know this is a site for pet loss, which is not precisely what this is (although I have owned pets who have passed). But I HAVE lost something. I've lost myself. I don't know if I'll feel this way forever. I feel like I'm the one who's lost, not Paige. I'm out there. In the cold, or eating table scraps, or dead maybe. I guess the lesson may be take hold of what you have, you honestly never know when the last time you see someone you love may be. Never. I wish..........I wish so many things. But I can't give up, even if it means I'll feel this emptiness forever. I'll search to the ends of the earth for Paige. It's exhausting and disheartening, truly, but I must try. I look out the window every night, thinking maybe she'll be there, and I tell myself I will always love her, no matter what happens.
So if you made it this far, thank you for listening. Tell everyone you love how much you love them. Don't wait a single minute - that may be all the time you have. Love is all we have, folks. It is truly not washed away or diluted by time or space, which may be what makes love such a painful thing sometimes. Is it worth it? My mom asked me if I wish I never had Paige, had never felt the joy she gave to me. Of course the answer is no, but think about that. What a wonderful thing it is to be alive, to feel love. Don't any of you ever, ever, EVER, take love for granted. It may be all you have.