just reminding me that your spirit is still here with me like when I walked past the couch yesterday and put my hand down to pet you but physically you weren't there anymore. I will never forget the night I picked you up at the airport and I was almost frantic because you were almost the last out of the cargo hold. When they brought you out and turned your crate around so I could see you everyone "oohed and aahed" at how darn cute you were. You cuddled into my lap like you knew you belonged there and slept for the 40 miles home. We made many more memories together after that for which I am grateful that we had over 10 years together through the good times and the bad. When Dr. Jane told me you had bone cancer I could hardly believe it. The x-ray was like looking at some other person's dog-not you. It was bad. She told me you didn't have long and I had to do something within a month because this was very painful. I gave it 3 weeks and saw small signs of worsening even though you still were eating good but had a couple restless nights and could never quite get comfortable. She had sent you home with pain pills and I knew this was just a temporary mask because as she told me "dogs internalize pain very well". When I took the day off Friday you were so happy and jumping all over the place not even caring about your bad leg. It was the warmest day we had in a long time so you got to go out for more than 2 minutes for a change and loved it. We cuddled on the couch before I took you in, you were even happy to be going "out" again. I think you knew when we got there what was going on. Jane sedated you as I requested and I sat on the floor with you and told you how much I loved you and what a good boy you were. Mercifully it was over very fast. Do I feel guilty-yes I do. Could I have held on to you longer-well maybe but at what cost to you? I couldn't take the chance you would be in more pain and even worse the bone in your leg would snap. At least you had a happy last day and I didn't want to watch you slowly slipping away in front of me while trying to fight off the pain. My friends are telling me that I need to get another dog because I never realized how lonely I would be-well maybe someday but not yet. It's crossed my mind but it's way too soon. I need some grieving time to adjust to you not being here. This is the first time I have been "dogless" in 24+ years so of course it's a big adjustment. Your ashes will be back in a couple of weeks to join Brandy and Turbo's where I can see them every day. Big Boo, I know that you and Turbo and Brandy are waiting for me across the bridge and when I get there none of us will have a care in the world-just the happiness of being together again. I love you and miss you like crazy! Mom