Memories of Steve
by Sharon

March 14, 2009
Hi Baby,
I dont write very often, but you are always on my mind. Its going to be a year soon, and in a way it just does'nt seem like you've been gone that long. I know you're in a beautiful place now, and time means nothing in Heaven, but here on Earth, its been a very long time to go without your sweet kisses and hugs. I stay so lonesome without you, I still cry alot, still very sad. I ask God to make me stronger, but I still cant hardly stand it.
When you started getting more and more white and gray hair every year, I would wonder how much time we had left together. I often hoped that I would go first, because I knew that losing you would be horrible. I did'nt want to hurt that bad, but as luck would have it, God took you instead, and this is the worst thing in my life to have to live with. We shared such a close bond, and I never stop thinking about you, and I miss you so much. You're young again now and once again healthy. I hope you are running and playing and having so much fun. I hope you have many friends, and I also hope that you still think about us, and you will never forget how much we loved you, and always will. A big part of our hearts went with you that day, and we have never been the same. I love you Baby boy, and I will love you forever. Love, Mama

April 1, 2009
Hi Sweet Baby,
I just had to write to you. Today is your 11 month marker, almost a year and I'm missing you as much as I ever have. I love you Steve, I miss you so much. You are always in my thoughts every day and night. I will never forget you, and I hope the lord will let us all be together again, and we will never have to say goodbye. I hope you're happy where you're at now, and have lots of friends, I also hope you still think about us. We both miss and love you so much. Love, Mama and Buddy.

April 4, 2009
Hi Baby,
I just had to write to you and thank you for letting that puppy know about your Buddy. We know that you must have whispered in her ear " see that guy over there, he will help you". You are such a sweet and caring baby. You knew she was sick and lost, and it was late and she needed someone to care about her. We love you Steve, now that baby has a real chance to get all the treatments she needs to be well again and we really hope that she finds a loving family who will be so happy to give her the love that she deserves. Thank you baby for putting your Buddy and that baby at the right place at the right time. Love, Mama and Buddy.

April 12, 2009
Happy Easter Sweetheart,
We love love love you and miss you so very much. Buddy and I hope you are having a wonderful day and are finding lots and lots of Easter eggs. I know you want to keep them all for yourself, but please share with the other babies. You're such a sweet little angel, and I just know in my heart that you have so many good friends, and they all love you and know how special you are. I just wanted to write, to let you know that we still love you very much, and think about you every single day and night. I hope there was a party at the bridge today, and you all had so much fun. I will write soon baby. We love you Steve, always and forever. Mama and Buddy.

May 1, 2009
Well Sweetheart,
One year ago today you left us to go to Heaven, and we still miss you so very much. You were the sweetest baby we ever had, and you filled our lives with so much happiness. We love you so much Steve, and we always will. Someday we will all be together again, and never have to say goodbye. What a beautiful boy, so sweet and so loyal, and in our hearts forever. Love, Mama and Buddy.

June 1, 2009
Hi Sweet Baby,
Today is your 13 month marker, and of course Mama had to write to you. Gosh it feels like you've been at Rainbows Bridge much longer baby. Even though we have Cooper now to take care of, we will always love and miss you forever Steve. You will always be in our hearts, never to be forgotten. I often see a beautiful monarch butterfly just hanging around nearby. Is that you baby? I always think about you when I see the butterfly, even a dragonfly. We love you sweet boy, our special little angel. Keep sending us signs when you have the time, ok? Love, Mama and Buddy.

July 1, 2009
Hi Sweety,
I could'nt forget you on you 14th month marker. I just wanted you to know that your Buddy and I will always miss and love you very much. You will never be forgotten baby. You were and still are the sweetest baby we ever knew. We miss your kisses so much, and I miss my little snuggler. Please send us some more signs baby, if you can. It's been awhile, and your Mama is always looking for a sign from you. We love you, Mama and Buddy.

August 1, 2009
Oh baby, 15 months is forever to me. I wonder if you have any idea just how much your Mama misses you? Buddy misses you too, but I think he's alot more stronger than I am, or maybe it's because I'm such a MOM. I would give anything to still have you with us, but I know the Lord is taking very good care of you, and Heaven is beautiful. Still though, it's lonely without you. Cooper makes us laugh alot, but you still have a part of our hearts, and always will. Please never ever forget us Steve. We will forever love you with all our heart. Love, Mama and Buddy.

December 26, 2009
Steve please forgive me for not writing to you sooner. Mama got real sick and had to be away for over two months. I started getting sick in September, so I've missed quite a few of your markers. I feel so guilty and ashamed about this. I dont want you to think that you have been forgotten. Yesterday was our second Christmas without you, and although Cooper was with us, you were'nt and I sure missed you. We love you sweetheart, please dont forget us. Please send me some signs, as it's been awhile. You will forever be in our hearts baby. Love, Mom and Buddy.

January 1, 2010
Hi Baby, it's kinda hard to believe you have been in Heaven for 18 months. I'm still so very sad about losing you, and I miss you everyday. I often wonder if you ever think about us, I sure hope so. We will always love you, and you will always be in our hearts. Sure wish you would send your Mom a sign. Love, Mama and Buddy.

March 9, 2010
Steve I am so sorry I have'nt wrote to you in awhile. I talk to you every night and still say your bedtime prayer, but since I was away for so long in the hospital, I have gotten forgetful. I'm so sorry baby. Please know that I love you and always will. I need to leave myself reminder notes. I feel so bad. We love you sweet little angel. Love, Mama and Buddy.

May 1, 2010
Hi Sweet Baby,
I was laying down and I remembered that today is two years since you went to Heaven. I'm so sad, not that you're in a wonderful place, but that we are still here without you. We miss you so much little angel. I hope you are happy, and I also hope you never forget us. I think about you everyday and miss you so much. Two years seems like eternity to me. I love you so much, Buddy too! We always have, and always will. Send us some signs if you can. Love, Mama and Buddy.

June 4, 2010
Baby, I'm sorry this is a couple of days late. I did'nt forget about your marker, I've just been putting it off, as I get real sad when I write to you. I miss you so much Steve, I know that's what I say everyday, but it's so true. It's been so long since you sent me a sign, I'm wondering if it's because we have Cooper now, and you're not sending me signs, so I'll pay attention to him. I give Cooper alot of attention, and if you're watching, you know that. I would just love to get a sign from my special angel baby. You are always on my mind everyday and night. I miss you Steve, I always will. What a sweet and special baby you were for us all those years, you gave us so much love, and that's all you wanted from us, and you got it, and you always will. We love you so much and we'll always love and miss you baby. Love, Mama and Buddy.

July 1, 2010
Hi Baby,
What can I say that I dont always say to you? I love you Steve, I always did, and always will. I miss you everyday and night, and I always will. I wish I could smile when I think about you, but it makes me sad still. A big part of my heart went with you on our last day together. I hope God loves us enough to one day let us be with you again. I hope you have so many friends to play with and I hope you'll never forget about your Buddy and I. A dragonfly flew real close to the balcony today. Was that you stopping by to tell me Hi Mama? I spoke to you, did you hear me? I love you sweet angel, wish I could hold you again. I miss your kisses and snuggles. I miss your sweet smile. You smiled at me alot, or were you laughing? Love, Mama and Buddy.

August 14, 2010
Hi sweet baby, I sure do miss you. I'm so sorry I was unable to write to you on your marker, but we had to get another computer. The worst part of not having one was not being able to write to my baby, that made me very upset. The other stuff is just stuff, but it's important to me to be able to write to you each month and put you in the candle ceremonies every week. I love you angel. I will always love and miss you so much. Everytime I see dragonflies and butterflies, I just know its you sending them our way. We love you so much Steve. Love, Mama and Buddy.

September 1, 2010
Well Sweetheart, its your lonesome mama again thinking of you as always. Today is two years and four months that we have had to live without you. Its been so hard Steve, and the sadness never ends. We love you so much, and miss you everyday of our lives. What I want more than anything in this world is to see and be with you again forever. Please keep sending me signs, and never ever forget about us here. Love, Mama and Buddy.

October 2, 2010
Hi Baby,
I'm a day late in writing to you, I'm sorry. I've been so stressed out and worried, it makes me forget things. I sure do love you Steve and miss you so much. I'm thankful for little Cooper, as he occupies my mind alot, so I dont cry all the time. If it were'nt for him, I would still be in constant pain. He does not replace you, as nobody could, but he's sweet just like you and loves us very much, just like you. I hope God lets us be together again, because I just cant imagine forever without my special angel baby. We love you sweetheart, Mama and Buddy.

November 1, 2010
Hi Sweetheart,
Its now been two years and six months since you left us to go to Heaven. Still missing you everyday. I was talking to your Aunt Dorothy today, and mentioned you and of course I got sad and she told me you were in a much better place, and I guess that's true since you was so sick, but I sure miss you, and love you very much. Dont forget us Steve, ok? Send us some signs. We love you
very much. Mama and Buddy.

November 25, 2010
Hi Steve,
We just wanted to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving today. We hope you had a wonderful feast with all your friends. Wishing you could have been here with us though. We sure do miss you baby, we always will. I will write soon, I just wanted you to know we did'nt forget about you. We spent many many holidays together, just the three of us. Those were the good and happy days. We love you, Mama and Buddy.

December 2, 2010
Baby,
I'm so sorry I forgot to write to you yesterday, I feel just terrible. Your mama is having a very hard time getting well, and I have too much stress, it makes me forget alot of things, like important dates. Please forgive me Steve, because I love and miss you so much. Another Christmas will be here soon, and it will be sad because you're not here with us, but Cooper will be happy. Thank you so much for picking him out for us. He occupies my mind alot, and just like you, he is so loving. I love you Steve, dont ever think he is taking your place. No one could ever do that, but it helps so much to have another baby to love and take care of. I miss you everyday and night. Please always be with us. We love you, Mama and Buddy.

December 25, 2010
Steve you're always on my mind. We sure missed you again this Christmas. It's so hard to be happy when you're so sad and lonesome. I hope you still think about us, I never stop thinking about you. Miss you so much, I always will. We will both love you forever. Merry Christmas baby. Sure could use a sign from you. Love, Mama and Buddy.

January 2, 2011
Hi baby, I'm sorry I could'nt write to you last night. We was getting the computer worked on. I did'nt want you to think your Mama had forgot. I'm sorry I cant write alot tonight, but I am so so sleepy. I love you angel, and I sure do miss you. Love, Mama

January 6, 2011
I think about you everyday, and every night when I kiss your urn and tell you your bedtime prayer. Today I keep thinking about Somewhere Over The Rainbow, and it makes me so sad. I often wonder if you know how much I miss you. I'm so lonesome today especially, missing you terribly, and wishing that when I think of you, it would'nt make me so sad. I know there were lots of good memories, happy times, and funny times too, but whenever I think about you, I go back to the last day at the vets office when the doctor told us there was nothing they could do to help you. That was the worst day of our lives, having to kiss and tell you goodbye. I will never get over this, my heart just hurts. Sometimes I feel guilty when I pay so much attention to Cooper, but I need him Steve, and he needs me too. Always know I love you so much and always will. Love, Mama

February 1, 2011
Hi Babe, its that time again, writing to you on the first. This coming May will be three years since you had to leave us. Yesterday I had some of your pictures printed up to put on the door. I still have alot more I want to get. I miss you Steve, always. Its starting to warm up again, and soon the dragonflies will be flying around, and I'm hoping to get a sign from you. I sure do love you. You will always be in my heart, and I will never forget you. I sure hope that when its time for me to go, you will be waiting. Dont forget about us ok? We love you, Mama and Buddy.

March 1, 2011
Hi Baby,
It's already the first of the month, and here I am again writing to my little angel. Soon it will be three years since I last got to kiss you. Its so hard to believe its been this long. I miss you every day of my life, I always will. I love you Steve, and so does your Buddy. Slowly but surely I am getting all your pictures printed up. I want to put them on our front door and our album. Every time I hear the song Somewhere Over The Rainbow, it always makes me cry, just makes me sad. I really and truly want to believe that you are in a better place, and that you're happy and well again. Please never forget about us, and send us signs every chance you get. We sure do love you Steve, and always will. Mama and Buddy

March 29, 2011
Hi Steve,
I was going to write to you on the 1st, but I miss you so much and I'm real sad today. I think about you every day, talk to you every night. I'm just lonesome for you. I try to stay busy so I dont think too much, but some times I do anyways, and then I cry. I wish that when I wrote to you, I could be less sad, we had many wonderful years together, and there was lots of happy and fun times. I will remember somesome you use to do, and it will make me smile, then I'll think about our last day together, and then I'm crushed again. That was the worst day of my life. I miss you baby, so much. I will never forget you, and I will always love you. More than anything in this world, when its my time to go, I want to see you again. I miss your hugs and kisses. I love you, Mama

May 1, 2011
Hi Sweetheart, today is sad for me as its now been three years. I'm so sorry that I cant write happy messages yet. I just miss you so much. I love you Steve, and so does your Buddy. We was talking about your cute personality today, you had so many different expressions. Your aunt Dorothy was here a few days ago to visit, and she thought your memorial was very nice. We talked about that one time she forgot to bring treats for you, and how mad your were about that. You searched her purse looking for treats, could'nt find them, and yanked out all her kleenex. I love you darling, and I hope one of these days I see you again. Thank you for giving us a sign to adopt someone else. Cooper keeps me from going crazy with grief. He does'nt replace you, no one ever can, but he keeps me alot of company. We love you baby. Love, Mama and Buddy.

June 1, 2011
Hi Baby,
I'ts the first of the month today, so here I am again writing to you to let you know how much you are always loved and missed very much. I sure do miss your kisses and hugs. I think about you every day Steve. I wish I could hold you again. Please send me some signs, dont forget about us. We love you so much and we always will. Love, Mama and Buddy.

July 1, 2011
Hi Sweety,
Thinking of you always, but especially today. I've been missing you terribly Steve, and cried the other day when I thought about our last day together. I hope you understood why I could'nt stay in that room with you and Buddy, and I hope you forgave me. I have'nt forgiven myself. I really did'nt think I was strong enough to watch you go. I love you so much baby, I miss you every day. I hope you think about us sometimes. Thank you for helping God watch over us, and thank you for sending dragonflies to visit me. We love you, Mama and Buddy.

July 31, 2011
Hi Steve,
I'm a day early in writing to you, but that's ok. I think about you every day, but more especially in the past couple of days. I have friends who are so sad about losing their babies, and I read what they write, and it breaks my heart all over again. We had a long time together, over 14 years but it can never be long enough. It's so hard being without you with us. I'm sorry that I had to work all those years. We could have had more time with one another. I'm also very sorry that I crocheted the last week before you got so sick. I did'nt know Steve, please forgive me. If only I had known, I would only have one more week with you, I would have given you all my time. I'm so very sorry. Please forgive me, and please help me forgive myself. You will always mean the world to me, and I will miss you until I get to see you again, and I promise you'll have all of my attention. I love you so much baby, never forget that. Love always, Mama.

September 1,2011
My dearest Steve, thinking of you today and every single day since you left us three years ago. We miss you sweetheart. I still say your bedtime prayer every night. Remember when your Buddy would pick you up and put you to bed and cover you up? Then he'd kiss you goodnight, and I would tell you your special prayer and you would listen, and when it was over, we'd kiss goodnight. Oh, how you loved Christmas, and we use to love it too, then you had to leave us, and nothing has ever been the same. We had alot of wonderful years together, and I will never forget them or you. I love you so much. I hope with all my heart, that when my time comes, you'll be waiting for me. We love you Steve, and we always will. Love, Mama and Buddy.

Comments would be appreciated by the author, Sharon
 
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