How can I let you go, Rachel? As I watch you now, my Rachel, blind and slightly deaf, banging into walls and corners, I thought about you when I first met you. You came to my life at the loneliest time of my life and you filled it with love that nobody can measure. You were cute as can be and all eager to be with someone. The first time I held you in my arms, I know then that I would not let you go and we became inseparable from that day on. So how in the world do you expect me to let you go? You are very stubborn , let me tell you but I know you already know that. You always have done the opposite of what I say and you actually thought you were the boss of the house. And you know what? I think you were right all along. You are the boss and I live for your pleasure. You can charm your way in any situation and you know the right buttons to push when it comes to me. We traveled together everywhere from all over Texas to California and from California back to Texas in a different route. You just love traveling! You always insist on being by the car window with the wind blowing your glorious golden hair and then walk back and forth all over me so you would not miss a thing! Seatbelts was not mandatory at that time! You love being outside! You just love running away from me and me trying to chase after you. I remember our walks in Lake Merced in San Francisco when I was a travel nurse. I remember our beach walks in Galveston or our trip to Fishermans wharf in San Francisco where you just hang on in my bag. You hated baths to a passion! You hated the doggy biscuits that bank tellers always give you. You hate your hair brushed. You would rather be dirty and nasty and oh, you hated the vet too. The most significant thing that I have noticed is you hated when I leave you behind. The first time you were pregnant, you moaned incessantly for me to rub your big fat belly. Your first litter was a miracle for me cause I have never seen such a wonderful sight! You were a great mother! You lick your babies every chance you get and protect them from any intruder. We kept two of your four from the first batch and we kept all the four on the second batch. We were a big family but I loved you all! You helped me through the most difficult time of my life during my years from abuse. You were my hope and my strength when I was in a verge of giving up. You were there to protect me even if you were a mere 7 lbs she-devil. You lick my tears, you snuggle me at night, and you were just there beside me anytime, anywhere. You loved me just becauseunconditionally! Is it unfair for me to expect you to live as long as me? Is it safe for me to assume that even if you walk blindly back & forth to the yard and sniff your way towards the food that you are still happy to be alive? Are you in pain of any kind? Do you feel lonely that there are only two of you left in this world? Do you still smell and recognize me when I walk by or pick you up? Are you tired and worn out? How can I tell? Do I have to leave it up to God and wait until I find you dead somewhere in the yard? Or do I make the awful decision and having you go the place where you hated the most and spend your last remaining breath? What do I do, Rachel? How can I let you go?