by Linda Rice-Mandigo
Journey, an English Mastiff I had with me since he was 8 lbs and 8 weeks died November 4, 1998. Like for all of us, the loss was enormous-- more than I had ever felt for a human being and I realized that I was missing a life that had given me 10 1/2 years of joy and laughter and protection and goodness-- no human being could do that every day. I had decided upon his death that I would show him I could live as he taught me to live--- filled with love and gratitude for each moment. After a month I decided I would limit my hours doing psychotherapy which had been my career for 28 years and go to work for the local shelter where I could give back all he had taught me. I was in no way ready to let another dog into my heart at home but I needed to love them in another way-- by finding them homes. There were so many wonderful dogs and I loved all of them as an Aunt--- it allowed me to feel good and useful but also gave me the room to grieve which I very much needed. I planned to get Mastiff puppies in the spring and then perhaps adopt a shelter dog after they had been trained. My cats literally took care of me during this period. The began to do things that were very much dog behavior in addition to being so loving when I could not stop my tears.
One day at the shelter in February, I was talking to a visitor and showed him Journey's picture. He said that he knew of a breeder in the area. I decided to call and visit just to see anyone who looked like him. I was not going to get a dog, just to feel them around me. My brother was visiting on the weekend and I thought it would be a perfect time since he also missed Journey so much and had been with me through the last days. The day before he arrived I found Rainbowsbridge.com. I don't know how. I only remember my brother and I,the morning he arrived, putting Journey's site on and feeling so good thru our tears. That afternoon we went to visit the dogs--- a morning of tears and an afternoon of laughter. There were eight dogs-- all lovely and we had a great time. Four days later , the breeder called me and said that her best male, a three year old, who had sired three champion litters suddenly had no sperm and she wanted to place him in a really good home since she could no longer breed him. His name was Lazarus. I thought immediately of the reference in the Bible, resurrected from the dead andm I remember my hands starting to shake when I told her that I would come to see him. How could this be? When I got there he was in the house and when I spoke to him, he came to me, gave me his huge and kissed my face. When I saw the gentleness in his eyes, I knew this was Journey's gift. Journey could not bear to see me unhappy and he was still taking care of me.I could not believe that Lazarus left with me as if he had always known me and came home as if he had always lived here. He is nearly 200 lbs and everyone who sees him is struck by his generosity and enormous affection. It was a month ago he came and the cats never treated him as a stranger. He acted as if he knew us all-- and perhaps Journey had told him everything--- perhaps Journey had chosen him to give us back our joy. He is very funny-- while he is the same breed, he is different in many ways and I am facinated at all his surprises. I don't miss any Journey less but I live my life happier
and I have a real sense that something magical has touched me. Who else but Journey would have known exactly what I needed. So this is my Journey to Lazarus. And the connection came the day I found the Bridge. God bless all our children there whom I believe with all my heart are watching out for us and helping us with our lives.