by PATTI VANWAGNER
Letter from Tanzey:
I don’t know where to start, I have so much to tell you!! I LOVE YOU MOMMY!!!!!! And I miss you, too. I know how very much you miss me… and I have been trying so hard, as hard as I possibly can, to show you and tell you that I’M STILL HERE WITH YOU. I know you believe that. But I also know that you miss seeing me and hugging me and throwing my toys for me to fetch for you. I miss that too, Mom.
Mommy, it is sooooooo beautiful here!!!!! I can’t wait to show you around someday when you come. I’ll be there waiting for you and then you never have to miss me again, we’ll be together forever. You can’t believe the colors – they are glorious – and much more brilliant and gorgeous than anything you’ve ever seen on earth. The grass is long and lush and smells wonderful. All over you see fur-babies lying in it and rolling around because it feels sooooo good to us. The water is clear and clean, just beautiful - and always the perfect temperature – same with the air here.
I know it might be hard to imagine, Mommy, but I’m with you ALL THE TIME. I still lay on your foot, and sit so close that my fur tickles your leg. I’m still there mooching at the stove and the refrigerator. I ride with you in the car and I still “hog” most of your pillow at night.. When you’re in the bathroom, I’m lying there on the floor in “my spot” just like always. I’m with you even more often than I was when you could see me. I get to go places now that I never could before… you know how you and Daddy always talked about those mean ole people who didn’t allow dogs to come in to restaurants, grocery stores, office buildings… well guess what – haha on them cuz now I go right in whenever and wherever I want to go!!!
I know your heart aches for me and you cry because you’re sad and lonely without me there. I know that Mommy and it makes me sad that you can’t SEE ME. Because I can see you clear as day… I know everything you do and say and think and I watch over you whether you’re at home, work, driving in your car… I’m always right there next to you.
I know you wonder and worry and think about me and where I am/what I’m doing… so I thought I’d tell you what a “typical day” is for me now.
I sleep on the clouds and you never had a bed this comfy – it is soooooo soft. The only place better to sleep was yours & Daddy’s laps. When I wake up, I stretch and head for breakfast (of course – lol) Every day is an “all you can eat buffet”… OH MOMMY the food is yummy delicious and the buffet stretches on as far as your eyes can see. And guess what? If (although it doesn’t happen often), you want something that isn’t there… you just think of it and it magically appears!!! How cool is that?? Everything even CHOCOLATE since nothing can hurt us now… yup, Mom, the “C word”!!! AND we can eat allllll we want and never worry about being overweight or getting a tummy ache!!! That’s angel-food for ya! After eating to my heart’s content, I go and look up my pals to have play-time. All the fur-babies whose parents you know at the Lighthouse get together and we run and chase each other… even the dogs and cats play hide and seek together… because there is no fear or danger now – we all get along!!! I’ve got so many friends now that even though I wanted to list them by name, I would probably forget some names, so I better not, cuz I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but please tell all your friends that we are ALL buddies here (cats and dogs and birds and every type of fur-baby!!!) There are games of Frisbee (still my favorite!!!), tennis ball chasing, cat nip hunt (like easter egg hunt), and every other game you can imagine. AND… the little children never get tired of playing, running with us, throwing balls for us to fetch, petting us, etc.!!! When I’ve finally had enough (as you know I can play nearly forever and not get bored)… I prance on over to visit with the Angels. Oh Mommy… that’s such a wonderful time too!!! They love to hold us and pet us for hours… we pretend it’s our own Mommy & Daddy stroking our fur, kissing our heads and giving us hugs. Their long golden hair tickles my nose but I don’t care!!! We allllllll love this “snuggle session” and so do the Angels. They whisper to us and giggle and sing beautiful songs and play their harps!!! They never get bored or tired and push us off their laps because they love these times every bit as much as we do. We watch over you together and it makes us so happy when we see you smile over some happy memory from when we were there with you!!! It makes us sad when we see you crying but then sometimes we whisper in your ear or send you a song and that makes you think of us. When one of you are crying, it’s “calling all fur-babies time” and we all gather and send happy thoughts beaming down to try to comfort you. It doesn’t always work but when we see one of our Mommies smiling through their tears then we know you heard us!! And Mommy it makes us soooooo happy when you guys smile!!!!! We all cheer and laugh and clap!!!!!
Once our cuddle session with the Angels is done (which sometimes last for EVER since you know there is no time here), I usually wander over to visit the “wild” ones. Like I said there is no fear or danger here so I like to visit with all the “big ones” like the tigers, elephants, wolves and bears (remember how you used to call me “bear” and “wolfie”… well now I know the REAL bears and wolves!!!) Mommy, you can’t even imagine how wonderful life is without any greed, anger, bitterness, sorrow, aggressiveness or any negative emotions. After I’ve had all the fun I want chasing and running (and sometimes riding on their backs) with my wild friends, it’s time to go to work.
We all have jobs here – a main job and then minor “tasks” that are assigned to us as needed. I heard you say you knew I must be a “greeter” here and you were right!!! I LOVE MY JOB!!!!!!! I get to stay at the gate for as long as I want every day and welcome the new fur-babies as they cross over to become fur-angels like me. My favorites are the puppies and kittens… sometimes they are a bit confused as to where they are and I love making them feel at home. I tell them all about Rainbow Bridge and how it’s only good and happy times, how there is NOTHING to be afraid of and that they can still see their Mommy/Daddy anytime they want. Of course I have to explain the part about how you guys can’t see us… it takes some time, but that’s OK because here we have nothing BUT time!!! We have orientation classes and your friends’ fur-babies and me all teach!!! We spend lots and lots of time cuddling all the fur-babies and especially the puppies/kitties… then afterward each fur-baby has their own Angel assigned to them.
All of us are “on watch” all the time (we can do multiple things and be in different places at the same time) and we act as your “guardian angels”… like how we whisper warnings in your ear when you are driving… and if you don’t hear us, we pat your shoulder or your cheek with our angel paws so that you wake up to the danger of a car cutting you off or stopping suddenly in front of you. Then there is our “dream work”, which as you know has been very active lately. Sometimes we visit our own Mommy/Daddy and sometimes we make a “guest appearance” in one of their friend’s dreams. One of our most important jobs is to choose – and send – fur-babies to help heal the hearts of our parents!! We all get together on this project and whisper, giggle, and brain storm as to which soul is just the right one and what the perfect timing will be. THIS IS SO MUCH FUN MOMMY!!!!!!!! It makes us so happy to know we are working on something that will help heal our beloved parents hearts – make them smile, laugh, and play again!!!
You should see us when the balloons come up!!!!!!! Oh my, what a joyful glorious time that is. We all run to our special “viewing spot” and watch… our eyes get big and we smile… oh Mom you should just SEE the smiles!!!!!!!!! We love knowing that our parents are thinking of us and seeing the proof of it. That’s why it’s so much fun for us to send signs and songs to you guys!!! We love showing you PROOF that we’re thinking of you and that we are always with you.
One thing I need to tell you Mom and please share this with your pet loss family. When it’s our time, we have to go. Nothing can change that. We never want to leave you just as you never want us to go…. so please PLEASE don’t blame yourselves… no matter what you do, if it is our time, there’s no changing it. It hurts our hearts when our Mommy/Daddy feel guilty. We don’t know how to “fix” that. Being with you was Heaven on earth for us, but here now we are in real Heaven and the only reason we’d ever wish to come back would be for YOU.
I could go on and on and ON, Mom, but I got stuff to do and nothing could ever truly describe this amazing place… you’ll see when you get here and I take you on THE TOUR. It’ll just seem like a minute to me, though I know it won’t for you… so I’m gonna go play now but don’t worry… I’ll be watching over, snuggling with, and sending you signs whenever I can!!!
I LOVE YOU BIG BUNCHES MOMMYYYYYYYYYY AND I’LL BE WITH YOU ALWAYS & FOREVER……….
Your Tanzey Bear