When I picked her out at the shelter, her name was Destiny. That was the name the shelter worker had given her, but I changed it to Dessa. I selected her from an online photo and traveled over 40 miles to get her. She was a mixed Dobie and looked something like my beloved Meggie (or Meggypoo as I sometimes called her.) She warmed up to me a little at first and then after a few days, she was all mine and secure in her place.

I don't know her history, only that she had been tied out in a backyard with another dog. The vet said she was 3 or 4 years old. After Dessa made my home her home, she did present some challenges and was very aggressive and willful, but I was bonding with her and determined to move forward and felt at one point that she was making some progress I was committed to her and knew she needed me and I needed her...her companionship and sense of safety.

Unfortunately, Dessa turned out to be not just aggressive and overtly dominant, but viscious with other dogs. She loved me and most people once she knew once they were "OK," but could not tolerate 90% of other dogs. Ironically though, she never bothered my cats!

I had a number of incidences with her that gave me pause and great concern,(she had already attacked 3 dogs,) but the worst incident came a couple of weeks ago. She slipped out the door before I could stop her and attacked my neighbors' poor little 5 lb. poochy, Stella. Dessa (about 50 lbs.)truly wanted to kill Stella and seriously injured her before I was able to pry her jaws off of her. Poor Stella! My neighbor was so traumatized and so was I. She took Stella to the vet and I paid the $500 bill. Later that evening, I spent over 7 hours at my local emergency room to get treated for the "bite" that I inadvertently got from Dessa as I was trying with all my might to pull her mouth off of Stella. It was one of the worst things I've ever been though. Me and my neighbor yelling and me watching helplessly as Dessa attacked ever so quickly, again, after the first success in getting her away from Stella...and then *flash* she was back on Stella in a half-second and then I literally sat on top of Dessa and forced her mouth off of Stella, again. I almost thought we were going to see poor little Stella chewed to pieces right before our eyes. It was awful.

Good news and bad news. Fortunately, Stella is OK, but still afraid of me. Unfortunately, I had to have animal control pick up Dessa right after the attack. I had to accept that I could not keep her and I knew that if I kept her even another day, that I would not want to let her go. I am sure there would have been another attack and it could have had a worse outcome. It was only a matter of time. In fact, prior to this incident, on one of my walks with Dessa, a little neighborhood girl told me she liked my dog and I carefully invited her to pet Dessa, who was on a leash. Dessa lunged at bit at the little girl and growled. This was a really bad sign and was a bad omen for Dessa. Dessa never got close enough to the little girl to do any harm, but it gave me a sick feeling in my gut.

I called county animal services a few days after the attack to check on her status. Dessa had been euthanized. I was not surprised, as Dessa was really not adoptable and was not safe to have in a close community with lots of other dogs and kids. It was too much of a risk.

But even though Dessa was willful and ultimately dangerous, she loved me and I loved her, and I wish, so much, that I could have kept her, but she had a big problem. She just didn't have the capacity, like most dogs do, to control her worst behavior, and even if she had received training, I don't think she would have ever been a truly safe pet. Most information I came across on aggressiveness in dogs stated this. Some overly aggressive dogs may be able to be managed, but it is a big risk and Dessa showed no signs of changing her ways.

So I am sad tonight as I write this and have been having the really big tears flow that I hadn't been able to let go of before. I miss my Dess. She was only mine for 8 months, but she was all mine and I gave her all I could during that too short time. She liked to play chase with me and was so delighted when we could walk and when I'd give her a chew stick! Oh boy! And what a great rider and companion she was in the car. She wanted to go with me every time I left and car rides were really special for both of us. I even took her on an overnight trip and she stayed with me in the hotel room. She was so well behaved and I felt so safe to have her with me. And she made such a good impression on my friends.

Sadly, there are too many dogs and cats too, that have emotional and mental problems, and like Dessa, desire with all their heart to have a home and someone who loves them and who will take good care of them. But life isn't fair and for whatever reason, by the fates of nurture or nature, they can't live in a regular home and then may have to be put to sleep. And so this was Dessa's fate and the end of her life. But I can feel good that I tried my best to keep her and I did take very good care of her while I had her and I know now she's in Doggy Heaven, getting along with everyone.

I'm sorry Dess. So sorry that you couldn't live out your life with me. I'll always remember you, my sweet Dessa.

Your momma and friend,
Nancy