by Christina M.
Tiffany, oh Tiffany, where oh where do I begin. Some nights I think about about you, I remember way until the end. The last few weeks you were alive and we spend time together, oh how I cherish that time that I was able to care for you. Christmas has come and gone, and yet, there was someone missing this year. Although everytime the blinds blow at the patio doors, we think it is you, you were not there this year to cuddle in my lap. It seems like yesterday, and yet it seems like forever that I have held you. Remembered your warm furry face, and how even though you were so sick, and we did not know, you still would reach and lick my cheek up until the end. I put your hair in your stocking this year, although it remained empty, it was how we could still have you with us in our sort of way. Daddy and I were crying just the other night. There is a song, called I owe you, and it reminds me of words you would have said to me. Each time I hear The Dance, it brings tears to our eyes. People used to ask if I would get another pooch, and I had to explain to them. No one can replace you. You were with me through thick and thin, through my parents divorce, through everything that happened when I was a child. You let me hold you as I cried through the first break up of my first boyfriend, and whenever I needed you, you were there for unconditional love. It amazed me, you were so strong. We did not know that tumor was growing, it just grew so fast, and that last week with the medicine, you sprung to life. They told me you would probably be around 3-4 months. I expected to be able to say goodbye and let you go our own way. I didn't expect you to go a week later. I miss you, more than I can explain. But I know you see that, I sometimes feel like you are comforting me through Baby. She seems to have picked up so many of your traits in the past few months. Doing things in ways she didn't do before. Its a comforting thought to think your spirit may be coming through her, even if it is a false sense of security. The grass has covered over your grave, I look outside each day when I let the girls out. Katie and Baby just romp all over the place. Sometimes I see them go over to your grave and look, like you are there wagging your tail. You were such a strong girl, even at the end as I coaxed you to eat the chopped chicken from my hand. You took that awful medicine, even turning your head sometimes, but you took it for me. Sometimes I feel like I was selfish to want you around, and not let go. But I had had you in my life for about as far as I can remember. Daddy and I are thinking about maybe having a baby in another year or two, or at starting to try. Its just not going to be the same without you here. I thought you would be here forever, to watch over me, and be my constant companion. The blankets still lay in the closet Tiffany, just where you slept on them last. I still leave the door open, somehow I cannot yet take those blankets away. Katie lays in there sometimes, remember she used to sometimes with you. Baby sleeps on the bed in there a lot as well. Well Tiffany, I just wanted to write down my thoughts for tonight. I wish, oh I would give anything to have you here again, in my arms, warm, safe, and well, and giving me kisses, as I could only strive to give you the unconditional love you gave me. Daddy misses you, the girls miss you, and above all baby, I miss you. You might be gone physically, but you are in my heart forever. May you jump and bound about in the meadows across Rainbow Bridge until we can be together again. Mommy has a lot of work to to here, and a lot of people to take care of. It will be a long time baby, but on that day, I cannot wait to feel you jump into my arms, and feel your warm face and know you are happy, healthy, and that we will never be parted again. Rest well baby, and be happy, Mommy loves you.