The last little while I called him my old man. That's what it felt like with BuddyBoy in his last year or so. A lot of the time he needed me to help him get up if he lay down & I had much of my environment set up for him to avoid obstacles. He had those cloudy old age eyes and couldn't hear worth a darn. I had to yell for him to hear me. He had turned gray all over his face & even his legs. When I took him out in the yard he peed while walking, a little circular pattern on the sidewalk. Most of the time he wasn't able to do his poop outside...sometimes it was even after he got back in the house. With all his back end joint problems he could no longer scootch down for a proper BM. Often he would let it go in his sleep & I'd be the cleanup detail. He was my old man and for a long time I slept & walked lightly. I got an anti-inflammatory medicine from the vet to help but he steadily deteriorated.

I couldn't end his life for all of the above and wrestled with the idea...of quality of life. When he fell down & got stuck he would cry & I'd come to his rescue. He had better traction on rugs so I put some down & he was able to get up from them. Finally, he was no longer able to rise from the rugs & he cried so much. He couldn't get down very easily and then he whined some of the time just to be comfortable.

I knew I had to do it....put him down......let him go....say goodbye. I prayed for the help to know how to make it happen. It all fell into place. I had help from my minister to get him there. He juggled his schedule and drove from a neighboring town to help me. He was a big aid and comfort to me.

The vet knew Buddy well as did the aid with her. She remembered how scared he had been when I first bought this bedraggled stray in to see her. He had heart worm and a long, expensive, dangerous treatment ensued. She said he was the best dog. He grew confident but never aggressive. She said it was surprising to find such a gentle disposition in a stray. He had been abused before I took him in. When he was the stray in the neighborhood he fathered a couple of litters with the loose hussy chows. He was practically invisible in the brush because of his brindle coat. I wasn't even sure there was a dog for quite a while. I knew he had been hit by a car & shot at. Finally with development, everyone moved out & he was left over. He smelled so bad (he liked to roll in the worst smelling stuff possible) that I had to get him shampooed before I could keep him in my house.

It took him forever to be less afraid. For many years, just reaching toward him, caused him to lower his head, like a cringe, waiting for the worst. He hated flying bugs & never wanted to stay out by himself for very long. He was very good for me. He came not much after I had breast cancer and gave me something to think about besides myself. He was not a hyper or antsy dog. (that was good for the heart worm treatment because it required the dog not to run too much so that the deteriorating worms wouldn't go to the lungs.) Thunder and lightning always petrified him. I think it caused me to feel braver.

I used to take him to the park on a little walk which was about the best I could do. He seemed to like going in the car & looking out of the open window. I kept the window open no matter how cold it was. This was good for me too as I got some fresh air and exercise & enjoyed being in nature. I wrote a bits of prose called My walks with Buddy as I observed the mushrooms & wildlife around us. I felt safe with him and felt protected at home too. He did have a good bark & used it whenever any vehicle drove down the street or stranger came near the house. I felt sad when he could no longer jump into the car.

He was a mellow dog and that was good for me. He never licked me (I don't like being licked by a dog). He didn't do the humping stuff a lot of male dogs like to do. The vet described him as a real gentleman. She even named dogs with the brindle color "Buddy" dogs.

He put up with the cats when I took them in ....strays again...mama with 4 kittens. He even allowed Mama to push him around. She wanted to lie down with him in the worst way...in his den (my closet) but he always left the den when she arrived. He was always a little leery of the cats. Mama could has a bit of a Jekyl/Hyde personality and I had twice prevented her from attacking him. Yet, she would rub all over him even standing on her two feet to do it. I tried to keep them separated when I left the house.

He would follow me around my small place. I have a little hallway from which all the rooms in my house are visible. He would lie in just the right place , his favorite way, on his stomach with legs splayed out behind him, where he would not block me from any of the 5 doorways and could still keep an eye on me. He was my constant guardian.

I don't know how he got this one peculiar habit but somehow or other he came to think that when I said..."Stay home and watch the house" it meant to go into his den (closet), so when I wanted him to go there, that's what I had to tell him. His life revolved around me but I never realized until now how much my life was entwined with his.

Seeing him grow older was so difficult for me. On his last ride to the vet I opened the window & he seemed to really enjoy it. My dear dog BuddyBoy....I will miss him forever. I loved him so and he loved me too. If there is such a thing as doggy heaven I know he is there.

Kisses and hugs to you dear Buddy. I miss you a lot. It's so quiet around here without you. I didn't realize how many sounds you made. There's a big empty spot in my heart. I know I'll see you again sometime. You will be waiting for me & we will both have new sleek bodies and we will run and play and be happy.