Letter to Gracie
by Karen Edwards
10th September 2020
Dear Gracie

This letter is to tell you how very much I love you and how much deep, deep sorrow I am feeling since you died. I feel that in some way it was my fault but I also had a feeling for a couple of weeks that your life would not be long. The fact that you don’t have your collar on makes me think you got into some sort of distress trying to free yourself from it? But the vet said you may have had a bang to the head? I am tearing myself to pieces because I don’t know what happened to you. I am going to write to my neighbours whose gardens you visited, just to see if they saw anything.

We are going to send your little fluffy soft body off for cremation and when we get your ashes back we’ll scatter some of them in your favourite places in the garden. One of them is under the tall grass plant that you so loved playing with but Bill is sorting out a new fence so we won’t do it until that is finished. The fence is going to be 6ft high though, so it will be much harder for Gertie to get over to visit Bill. You wouldn’t have liked that would you? But it wouldn’t have stopped you! And I know Bill loved you and misses you too.

I thought I would write about all the special things we remember about you to let you know that you were no ordinary cat. You had a special eagerness and appetite for life like my son Ben – you were both forces of nature. It makes me wonder if this was meant to be and that is why I had a premonition about this. It just makes me so sad that I couldn’t protect you.

You made me simply, purely happy all the time (except when you were missing) but having you around me and playing with you just filled me with absolute joy. I couldn’t wait to come home to you. Now the house is an empty shell and so quiet without your piercing little voice. You gave unconditional love to me, Steve and big stepsister Gertie adored you too, even though she got a bit impatient with you, but Steve could see that you and I had a special bond.

The things I/we love and want to remember about you are:-

Your big bushy tail
Your little black heart shaped nose
The way you looked deeply into my soul and made a real connection.
Playing with the long grasses, tumbling over at high speed
Sleeping on the ironing
The way you cocked your leg up as if to clean yourself and then just looked around for no reason with your leg in the air.
Your little 'trousers' which I called your monkey bum
Your soft, soft fur more like bird feathers
Your amber eyes which looked feral at times
The speed you moved at
The way you liked to slowly fall off things and flip over
The way you got a ball in your back feet to kick it back to me
The way you 'plonked' yourself down
Your piercing miaow and the way you announced your arrival with a big hello
Your purr like a saw, in and out
The way you shouted at insects and birds as if they were just going to come down and say hi
The way you gently batted me on the face to wake me up
The way you let me hold your soft little paw
Your little white socks when you lay on your back.
The little black dots on the back of your legs
The way you persevered with Gertie, who you idolised
Your play fighting with Gertie and Milo, your buddy
The way you used to tunnel under the bed cover and get up really close to Gertie but felt safe
The way you ate your food with your eyes closed and enjoyed every mouthful.

You had less than a year with us, only a year on this planet, but you took over our lives completely and wrapped yourself around our hearts Gracie. I hope we were able to give you a happy time – in fact I’m sure we did. I just wish it could have been longer, because you deserved it. Your little soul will be out there somewhere and I hope it meets up with another kitten who will find me. I’ll search and search and will know when that time comes.

I can’t bear life without you Gracie. I just want to hold you forever. I actually thought about ending it because life felt so empty. I love Steph and Steve with all my heart but loving humans is a bit more complicated. I love Gertie too of course but she can be temperamental. You were the only thing to give me pure unfiltered happiness.

I’m so, so, sorry. I hope you didn’t suffer at the end.

Rest in perfect peace my little friend.

Comments would be appreciated by the author, Karen Edwards
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