This wasn't the day I planned. Princey, a.k.a. Charlie, the awful looking black stray was going to the vet. I was going to make him an honest cat, a pet. He had these eye boogers that oozed, a meow like no other cat, fur missing from his back feet. Insulation in his fur. He smelled like a month old litter box. A cautious and demanding, often fiesty feral cat, who knows how long he lived in our crawl space. I fed him in the driveway every day for at least 3 years. At first my husband would chase him. My cat Cooper brought him home. Princey would occasionally let me pet him. He loved milk. Recently, I noticed a large bloody wound on the side of his face. As time went on, the wound became a large puss filled lump. I always promised if I had extra cash, I was going to take him to a vet. Now he really needed help. It's the coldest time of year. He's injured. The injury didn't seem to bother him, but I wanted to help. I decided to get to know him better. Maybe he'd trust me. I brushed him everyday for the last few weeks. He was still stinky, but his black fur started to shine. I fed him inside the front door. I treated the eye boogers with medicine left over from my dog's runny eye. He trusted me more and more each day. Today he willing let me put him in a cat carrier. I was expecting to have an abcess drained. Instead he was put to sleep. What I thought was an abcess was an infected cancerous tumor. I feel awful. Just before we left for the vet, I got a call from my dad. A guy I grew up with had died. I guess I wasn't thinking straight. I know the vet didn't see his beauty. Princey didn't act like a sick cat. He ate three cans of food yesterday. He purred as I brushed him. He showed up every morning at 8:30 for breakfast. The worst part is I don't feel like I was thinking about Princey when I agreed with the vet. Did I decide to put him to sleep because I couldn't afford his vet bill, or perhaps, because I didn't want to take the time to treat him. Or was it because I felt pressured by the vet and every one else who thought he was smelly & gross. My mind was preoccupied. I agreed before I really thought about what I was doing. I should have taken Princey home. Let him be Princey, until he was in obvious pain. No one wanted to give Princey a chance to be beautiful. Now I'm one of those people too. I betrayed a trusted friend. Princey, I am so sorry baby. I didn't mean for this to happen. I wanted to help you. I was just getting to know you. You were very special to me. Please forgive me. I LOVE YOU!