It was 7 am. 7 am, on what was supposed to be a normal day, with the afternoon spent with you. I wish it had gone that way.
But, it didn't.
I wish I hadn't been greeted to your fuzzy form, looking the smallest it ever had.
But, I was.
I wish I had heard the jingle of your collar's bell as you waltzed through the back door, right to my bedroom.
But, I got to hold the squished, silent remains of that bell and collar instead.
Now I am left to try and remember the times we had together, rather than the one time we didn't. I know I only cry this hard because you made me laugh even harder in life. Your sweet voice, silky coat, and oddly affectionate tendencies made you an absolute gem.
I'm trying to remember how you grew and changed, and be grateful I got to see it all;It's hard not to be bitter that I didn't get to see even more of your growth with age, but it's an effort worth making. You always hated to see me cry. You'd wrap yourself around my shaking form, purring, nuzzling me so hard I could think you'd be feeling my exact pain in those moments-almost taking some of it off my shoulders.
Oh, Lil Cato I'd hate for you to see me like this. Wrapped under blanket after blanket, crying to the point of stomach aches.
The only times you made me cry you made me cry happy tears.
When we were first handed you, and you curled up onto my chest, I cried. It was then we both realized we needed each other.
When I first fed you, and first watched you use the litterbox. We'd all thought you too small and young of a kitten to know how to do that with ease, but you surprised us. And I cried.
When the yellow stains left your white furred face, and your thick coat had grown in? I cried.
When you hid in your hidey hole and played with a string, took a bath, tried to chew the brush I took to that messy coat. I cried through my laughter.
Knowing that those moments are in the past, and they nor the feelings they left me with cannot be taken from me, is comforting.
As I write this the ache in my heart is twisting into a softer kind of pain. I'm able to smile even as I cry now.
Hopefully this pain won't be permament.
So, to end this with-thank you Lil Cato. I'll never forget you, you were the smartest, cutest, sweetest, fluffiest, and funniest little guy I've ever known. I hope your final moments weren't too bad, and I hope you're happy now over that beautiful bridge.