I posted this at the Grief Center, but wanted to place it here as well, so that everyone possible would get a chance to read it. I do not want anyone else to ever feel this type of guilt: I spent a lot of last evening reading some other people's posts. Doing that has given me some comfort over the past few days - it helps to know that others feel the same as you do. I read several posts about the last few days/weeks some of you have had with your babies. Like Hannah's mom - who said that her family "spent each day like it was her last". I didn't sleep well last night & woke up early this morning feeling just awful. I keep thinking of my last few months with Jojo. As you all probably know, Joey had been ill for a while, and just gradually got weaker and weaker, especially during the last 3 months or so. My friends would often ask me how Jojo was doing, and I would tell them "he probably is not going to be with me much longer". I remember saying that several times. So I can't pretend that I didn't know. I can't even truly say that I was in denial (although I do believe I had the irrational thought that he would be with me forever). I have to confess, that I was not a very good mom to my Joey. I have several other pets, but Jojo was always extra special to me. I loved him so much, but I did not give him all the love and attention he deserved. Even though I KNEW he would be leaving me soon, I didn't "spend each day like it was his last". I went about my life. I was always too busy with housework, writing bills, taking care of my other animals, or my job. With the job I have, I can almost make my own hours. It's almost up to me how much time I put in during a day, and although I do have to go out a few times a week for work, I basically work from home. I can't tell you how many times I walked past Jojo and didn't take the time to hug him. He loved walks, but I hardly ever took him on any. He loved to be brushed, but I didn't do it. In the evenings, when I would be watching TV, why didn't I take his brush out and sit down with him? It wouldn't have taken a moment of my time, and it would have meant the world to him. I remember, about 2 weeks before Jo left us, my husband suggested we give him a warm bath. He thought it would ease his old aching joints. I rolled my eyes at that suggestion! I had too many other things to do. And besides, how was Jojo supposed to stand up in the slippery tub as we tried to bathe him? What a selfish fool I was! I'm not saying I didn't do anything for him at all - I did cuddle him occasionally, and the Saturday before he died, I did take him for a walk. But I could have done so much more. I'm certain there were many days that I barely touched or even looked at Joey. My husband gets mad at me when I talk this way. He tries to point out all of the sacrifices I made for Jojo: all the times I took him to the vet, all the money I spent on his treatment, the vacations we didn't take because I felt Joey was too ill to be left in a kennel, or the many nights when I would have to get out of bed numerous times to help Joey back up when I heard him fall. Or he points out other dogs - ones that are left tied up outside, with rarely any attention from their owners. But Jojo wasn't aware of any of those things. He didn't understand anything about money or missed vacations. He needed physical love. Just a simple pat on the head, something that would take 2 seconds - I didn't do it. I should have done that every single time I passed him in the hallway where he lay, waiting for me. Jo was so devoted to me, but I did not deserve that devotion. The ironic thing is, that when Joey was still here, I was so busy with my job. Now that he is gone, I have barely worked at all. How hypocritical is that? It's just another indication of how selfish I have been. Taking time off from work now does nothing for my poor Jojo - it's been all for me, and my pain. He needed me to take time off work BEFORE he was gone. I hate myself right now. Jojo's passing has taught me a very good lesson. Never take for granted the time you have with anyone you love! You should never be too busy to tell someone you love them, or give them a hug. Those things only take a second, and there is no other task or job that should be more important. I have learned this lesson the hard way, and at my Jojo's expense. But luckily, for his mate, Keiba, I do believe that I have learned it well. Yesterday I was just about to go out and get the mail, when I stopped myself. I turned around and put Keiba on her leash and let her walk to the mailbox with me (we have a long driveway). It was exactly the small little thing I wish I had done with Joey. It wasn't a very long walk, but I could see that she enjoyed it. I hope that Jojo walked with us. Thanks for listening. And if you have another fur-baby at home, go and hug them right now!