by Shannon Conley
I know many people have been through this before and I'm only sharing it because this is how I'm dealing with it.
Feb 27, 2004, I made the hardest decision of my life to put down my baby boy, Shadow. He was a very lovable terrier/poodle mix mutt that I rescued 16 years ago from the Humane Society. I was 9 years old and I was with my mother just looking at the dogs. I was interested in the dachshund they had there, who was sharing the pen with a black terrier mutt breed. When they opened the gate to take out the dachshund, the little black dog took off running down the lane. He was a sudden burst of energy and had miscalculated his run back towards people after a once around. He had managed to hit the fence, getting himself stuck in the sidewalk and fence. I ran over to free him and he licked my face in thanks. I ended up taking HIM home. He was my bestfriend growing up, always loyal and always kept my feet warm(hence the name, Shadow). When I moved away from home, I took him with me(he was then, 12 years old) and he played like he was still a puppy. With the occasional vet visits to mend a paw, heal a sick tummy or just a regualar check up - he was healthy and perfect.
But, as time goes by, his little bones were starting to deteriorate, his teeth were more than poor, his little heart beat so fast, he didn't move as quickly and he never jumped up on his favorite chair because he was afraid to jump down. He'd seen a good part of the US, stayed as a constant thing through my 'growing' up and I loved him every single day, never neglecting him.
So, yesturday I had to make the hardest decision to improve his quality of life. He wagged his tail for me as we left the house not even knowing where he was, and kleenex in hand, my mother and beau with me, because I was too unstable and I took him "in". I was with him for every day of his life since 6months old and I stayed there until the end. I held him in my arms to feel his body weaken with the sedative. I laid him on the table and let him go to sleep and with a final "Good boy" I felt his heart beneath my hands stop forever.
It was hardest thing to ever do, and the grief I feel now is only selfishness. I put my little boy into better hands and he relied on me to take care of him. I'm an absolute basket case and I am dealing with it as best I can. It's been almost 4 months and I'm still very sad. However, the night before last he did visit me in a dream and he was so perfect. That is was prompted me to visit this site since his death.