My sister bought cuddles for me as a graduation gift. I still remember her calling me after a long day at work, telling me she found the perfect kitten for me. I drove to my sisters house in the middle of rush hour traffic to see my new kitty. This beautiful kitten was sitting under my sisters kitchen table with a red ribbon attached to her head. I picked her up, sat down on the floor, and this kitten immediately laid her head on my shoulder, this is how I came up with the name cuddles. We were inseparable, I brought her everywhere with me, she slept on my bed every night, she truly was the brightest part of my life. As she got a little older she started getting a attitude, and because she was the queen of the house I tolerated her behavior. Cuddles was the type of cat that would hiss at anyone who picked her up, she would smack you with her paw, she would growl continuously if held against her wishes. Believe it or not, this trait I soon came to love about her. Cuddles never bit me, slapped me with her paw, but oh she would growl and hiss up a storm. I would lay with her on my bed, lying face to face with her. The whole time she would growl and hiss in my face, but never once striking out at me. I used to do this thing which I called "nose in the eye", I would put her cold nose right in the corner of my eye, and cuddles hissed and growled during this time also, but never even once attempted to lash out at me. Everyone kept saying, she's going to bite you one of these days, I can tell you that in 18 years she bit the tip of my nose once. She immediately started licking my face as if to say I'm sorry didn't mean that. I was the only person who she would allow to hold her, do nose in the eye, and pretty much anything I wanted. I was never afraid of cuddles, and never afraid that she would hurt me, we had a very special connection, unlike any other. One day my boyfriend said "she looks sick, you should probably take her to the vet". I brushed him off and his comments, saying she is getting old (she was 17 years old now). She had lost weight, but did not show any signs of being sick. I finally did take her to the vet, but it was probably six months later after my boyfriend told me she didn't look well. Maybe it was denial on my part, but she really wasn't exhibiting any signs of sickness. I brought her to the vet, blood work was done, and the regular check-up. The vet even told me that he didn't think anything would be wrong and that she looked good for being 17. The next day the vet called and told me that cuddles was in renal failure. My heart sank and then I began to blame myself. If I had only brought her to the vet sooner, all the thoughts ran through my head. I did some home IV therapy for her, infusing IV fluids for two weeks, I gave her special food. I brought her back to the vet some two weeks later for follow-up blood work. The results were that her kidneys were improving but not enough. After the vet visit I took her home and again began the IV fluids. At first she was extremely tolerable, but after the last trip to the vet she didn't like me giving her the IV fluids, she began urinating on the floor (never once in 18 years had she urinated outside her litterbox). It was then that I decided I needed to let her be in peace and stop thinking about my own selfishness. I cried and cried, holding cuddles every night because I knew in a few days she would be gone. I took the day off work, met my mother and best friend at the vets office and we all went inside together. During the last few weeks of being so sick, cuddles wasn't her same old fiesty self. As I was sitting in the room with my mother and best friend, cuddles on my lap, I looked at my mother and said I wish cuddles would be herself just one more time. Here is the honest truth, I was bawling my eyes out, looked down at cuddles, she looked up at me gave me her biggest hiss and loudest growl ever. I knew at that moment she was ready to go and that I was making the right decision. The vet came into the room to ask if I had any questions, I said no and handed cuddles over to the vet who had been caring for her the entire 18 years. Cuddles looked up at him and smacked the vet right across the face with her paw, it was the best moment for me, probably not for the vet. I choose not to hold her while the injection was given because I wanted to remember cuddles as she was. She was her fiesty self for just a few moments and that's how I wanted to remember her, not lying in my arms lifeless. I don't regret not being with her as the injection was given and I honestly feel she wouldn't want me to see her so vulnerable. I miss her so much and will never get another cat because I could never replace cuddles. She truly is one of a kind. I got two miniture dachshunds instead. I hope she's behaving upstairs, but I think God just wanted this special cat with him to help control the other pets and keep them in line.