I first started taking car of my mom part time about 20 or so years ago. She had arthritis and hypertension. Since then things have progressed little by little untill now for the last seven years it has been full time and my own life is now over. Mom now has COPD, home on oxygen, alzheimers or another dementia, heart failure, a hip replacement, is blind, has painful gout, and gall bladder disease and on and on. My life is an endless trip to doctors and labs and clinics. I have not skiied or been to a ballgame in many years. My worklife and social life is over and I will be destitute forever.
I have not even a person to talk to.

It has been barely bareable becasue about 14 years ago, an alleycat came into my life. He was nothing special, though all the neighbors seemed to enjoy his antics. He killed the rodents. He visited everyone. He sprayed their tires. We called him "stinky".

The first time I saw stinky I think I was sitting outside crying a bit about how mom's health was going and my own life was going. I had just graduated college, in my thirties because I had to quit the first time when my dad died...but I never got to pursue that career; mom had taken a fall at my graduation and that is about the time it all started. Anyway, I was sitting outside and out of the bushes jumped old stinky after a bird. He was really wild. But I called him over and he came. We struck up a friendship. He visited me daily. One year I had had enough of hearing him crying in the snow and took him in permanently. I changed his name to "larry".

Larry was one fun cat. He was smarter than the average cat...street wise and cagy and wildly playful. Larry would both purr more and faster and growl more and easier than any cat I ever saw. He would jump so high to play with a mouse on a string sometimes, he'd flip over. He would lay out flat on his back and hog the fireplace. He would curl up in my lap whenever I needed comforting. He became my mom's therapy animal too.

The morning she had heart failure Larry saved mom's life...he came in and woke me up frantically. Stinky Larry was the most entertaining cat I have ever seen. An amazing sense of humor. He would chase me around the yard, more like a dog than a cat. He was not a Lap cat usually, If you tried to just hold him like a regular kitty he'd let you know in no uncertain term that that was unacceptable. Yeah, larry was a bit of a biter. But he never really bit mom hard, just daddy here. But he seemed to have a real sense of when you needed him too.

Untill Mom had her hip surgery in 97 Larry remained part time wild and rather self sufficient. We could even go away on vacation and I would have somebody come to watch him, but he would always escape and take off. Sure Enough, after we would be home for a day or two, back he would come and jump up on my lap and give me hugs and kisses like he thought he would never see me again. The year of mom's first surgery though I made him an indoor cat for good. Oh sure he retained his wildness and crazyness, but he was home now.

He has been through all of the pain and greif with me, seeing my mom forget and her vision darken, and her step falter and her breath grow short. She does not remember a lot of her friends anymore, but she remebers Larry, though she sometimes calls him "happy", no longer being good with names. I'll say that's close enough mom, he was a happy cat.

Larry has cancer of the jaw and is not himself anymore. I have to force feed him every day to get another day out of him. There is no cure taht I am aware of. I know it is painful for him and that soon I will have no choice but to put him down, it is selfish of me to make him suffer just because I cannot go on alone here without my best bud. I have had many many pets in my life, but he is the most special of all. More full of life than all of them put together and that is saying a lot because I have had some very wonderfull pets...champion shepards, a cat that made it to 24, many female cats and many litters. But I have cried nonstop for a month since finding out Larry has cancer of the jaw. Stinky Larry you are the best friend I ever had and the best helper I could have had on this job. I cannot go on here without you, Larry. I'm even sorry I gave you such a stupid name, but dude, when you showed up here you did not look like you would last long anyway and a name seemed irrelevant.

You killed the mice, you warmed my heart, you made me play like a kid and cry like a kid now. Even if I get Alzheimer's I will never forget you. And if you are not waiting in heaven for me hogging the fireplace, then I am just not going, because that would be hell. Of all I have been through, so far, this is the toughest. I wish you would not die dude, I would rather it be me. I will always see you as you were....funny and smart and wild and kind...not a fake kind like a petstore pet either. You chose me and that was what made you a special cat and a special friend. When the time comes I will lay you to rest under your favorite lilac tree. That will be the day my heart dies. Tonight maybe I will sleep outside withy you tethered to me again. Larry, I love you. You even sit by me now and I wish this evening could just last forever.