3 weeks
by April
Princess it's only been 3 weeks without you. And I'm not doing well. When you first left I didn't go out or eat for about a week. I just never felt the need to do anything for myself. But then my cousin showed up and I felt like I had to smile and be mostly normal. Ever since then I've been surrounded by people and forced to try and not think about you because every time I think about you I cry. But not thinking about you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do because for the past 9 years I constantly had to think about you. I had to feed you and take you outside when I woke up. I had to make sure you were in your kennel when we left and open the kennel when we got home. Even when we had the big tornado warning at our school I thought about you alone at home and hoped you were safe. And in your last days I constantly took care of you because I didn't want you to ever feel alone. I went on vacation with J for a few days and on the drive back I thought about seeing my family. And I realized that when I thought of my family I thought of my mom, Aliza, and you. And my mind just can't recognize the fact you aren't there anymore. Like every time I walk in the house my mind automatically tells me to look at where your kennel used to be. And every time my friends mention their dogs I always want to mention you but I realize you aren't here. You also keep showing up in my dreams. The first one was you in your kennel and I was so excited because I got to pet you again. And it was the best dream of all because I really felt your fur when I pet you. The last one was last night and you just hopped on the couch like you used to before you got sick. And you pushed the couch cushion so you could be comfortable like you used to all the time. But I really hate life without you, Princess. I have no one to calm me down during Aliza's tantrums. I have no one to keep me company when I'm home alone. And I actually have to throw away my leftovers instead of giving them to you. Since I have to keep all of my emotions about you inside when I'm with my family, I cry almost every night. I can slowly feel your memory fading away as I'm forced to deal with life without you. My mom is also thinking about a new dog too. Because she doesn't like the house without an animal. But I couldn't deal with the presence of a new puppy especially since you aren't home yet. But I wanted you to know how hard life has gotten without you in it. I may have not showed it enough but I love you with everything I have. I think I've cried more for you than I have for my human relatives that passed away recently. I can't wait to see you again and be with you forever in heaven. I miss you more than anything my Big Good Girl.
Comments would be appreciated by the author, April
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