I cannot begin to put into words the loneliness I am submersed in since you left me last month. I think I see you out of the corner of my eye many times every day...even at work. As if you would be in the warehouse at Kohl's! Every time I think I see you my heart soars for just a split second thinking you are here with me. Then reality prevails and sorrow returns. I've managed to spend a little time rejoicing in my many memories of you. The way you hurled yourself 3 feet into the air when you were just a baby trying to catch the cat toy on a string I made. And how you chased your little lion so fast that you tore up chunks of the front lawn. And how you used to ride on my shoulder in the Camaro. And how you loved to cuddle when I was on the throne...and drool big time. I miss your company so much Monst. Remember that stupid stuffed cat that looked so much like you that Bro gave me for my birthday last year? Well I have slept with it since you can't anymore. It makes the loneliness less painful. I just got the courage today to finally throw away the special canned food the vet gave me the first few days of your illness. When we thought there was a chance to save your life. The gaping empty hole in my chest is healing over a bit. It's not so much an open wound now but hurts almost the same. I don't know if that hole will ever stop hurting. You are a tough act to follow Monst. You filled the hole that Teddy Bear left in my heart 5 years ago and I didn't think that was possible. By the way, I know Ted sent you to me. Tell him thanx for me. I was so lost when he left. I have little or no recollection of the months between when he left and you conned me into taking me home with me that day.
When got sick I hadn't realized you had become my best friend as well as my soulmate. I was unprepared to lose you and unaware of how deep into my heart you lived. I just wish we'd had more than five years together. I assumed we had many more years together. I will always cherish the time we did have sweet boy. You will always be in my heart. I'll write again soon Bear Bear.
Good bye my love,
Mom