by Pat Allston
It all started out, when I went to go look at a litter of puppies and arrived at the house and saw a little bundle of golden fur. I was hooked from that moment on. I took him home with me, where we both got to know one another, and became best of friends to never be seperated again. We have had our good times and our hard times too, but almost all good. He loved me unconditionally, even when my human loved ones let me down, he never did. We shared the funny and the sunny times, and the rain and the pain days together. I lived to make his life a wonderful one, to make him comfortable and happy, and whether he knew it or not he did the same for me. He would be waiting at the door for me everyday I came home from work, and he'd be smiling at me. I'd say hello ole man are you smiling for mommy and he'd wiggle his tail back and forth like crazy, then wink his eyes so brightly at me. Then on this past Monday (Jan 12,2004) I noticed a sore developing on him that was getting worse as the days went by, so I took him to his life long vet. Well the news was the most devestating news I could ever receive in a whole lifetime, my baby had cancer, and the sore was gang green already. I took no time at all for it to develop. I just could not believe what I was hearing I thought it was just all a very bad nightmare, and just wanted to wake up from it. But that didn't happen. They said that he was in alot of pain, and he could be given medicine for pain and sent home to live out the rest of his days but that the quality of his life would not be anymore comfortable it would only get worse. So I just could not bare the thought of him suffering any longer. So I had to decide whether or not I was going to have him live for me, so I would not have to let him go, or if I was going to let him go for him. And I decided it would hurt both of us to keep him alive, he was in pain and I hurt to see him in pain. So I had no choice but to have him put to sleep. I thought I could just die. I almost wished I could have gone with him. I held him as Jan his doctor gave him the shot that would allow him to take his last breath and feel his last heart beat, but to go without suffering or feeling anymore pain. I rubbed his head and told him everything would be just fine and that I would see him one day again, and that we would meet at the rainbow bridge and cross over it where we would once again be together, and this time forever. As I rubbed his head, he faded further and further away, until he was gone, I could not contain myself any longer and just let it all out. Everyone in the room at that point was crying. It was about one of the most awful and sadest days of my whole entire life. I had my baby for 18 years, it was like losing a child. I had to watch them carry my baby out wrapped in a blanket. I just wanted to chase them down the hallway and get him back. But I know that would not work that way. I had the vet send him to be creamated, and I now have his ashes in a cedar box that sits on my table for me to see everyday. I talk to him every chance I get. Everytime I see a twinkling star in the sky I know it is him winking at me. I miss him so much. I feel like my heart will never be able to overcome the hurt is must endure right now. I feel like the pain will never end. But friends & family say it will get easier over time, but I don't think it will be any time to soon, I still walk around and cry for him on a daily basis. I will love him and miss him for the rest of my days. Thank you for listening, and for all of you who have lost your loved babies, I am also truley sorry for you also. Just remember, the rainbow bridge is a safe place for them to stay until we go to meet them one day. The are in a safe place. Good luck to you all.