"God made perfect dogs for imperfect humans, so that we might have an earthly source of unconditional love. God took a bit of His own wonderous love, wrapped it in fur, and gave you to us so that our lives could be richer and deeper than they ever would have been without you." |
Sept 1, 2012~
Just got back from the most heart wrenching experience of our lives...nite nite Zoe, our sweet baby. Rest in peace with the angels. You are in our hearts and we will miss you forever...until we meet you in heaven~ Love Always ~ Mommy & Daddy
Sept 5, 2012~
It's been 1 week since you collapsed and we found out you had another tumor. When they said you were ok, I know we both really prayed that you would be with us much longer than 3 more days :( She said to just make you comfy and if you had another collapsing episode to comfort you through it. You actually seemed better, but tired from the trip to the vet. But you ate almost 2 whole hot dogs and on Thursday you seemed better. Still tired but you went out and walked and even ate some meatloaf for dinner that night. The next day I noticed that your tummy was contorting and as the day went on you seemed unwilling to walk. You also wouldn't eat any of your favorite things and weren't drinking. Daddy and I wrestled back and forth with the decision to take you to the vet or not. You seemed better and than you didn't. Daddy got you to drink out of an eye dropper and a baggie with the corner cut off when you seemed to want more than the dropper offered. We didn't leave your side and just kept telling you how much you mean to us. We both told you that if you were tired, it was ok to let go, even though it broke our hearts to even say it out loud to you. We knew we just didn't want you to suffer. After the water you seemed ok again and slept through the night without a problem. I called the vet for the 3rd time and made an appointment for 11 am the next day. My voice breaking when I said the words out loud to the receptionist. But the next morning Daddy tried to wake you and you didn't seem to want to move at all. We knew the end had come much too soon for us and prayed we were wrong and you had just picked up a bug at the vet on Wednesday. We wanted to have you with us for your birthday and the holidays. But we couldn't be selfish. We love you too much. So we got you bundled up in Daddy's arms and he brought you to the grass and gently set you down, willing you to stand and you did, weakly you made your last peepee. With Daddy holding you incase you fell. As I watched I couldn't stop the tears, I knew you were doing it to please Daddy, even though you were so sick and weak :[
The vet checked you and said that your temp. was lower than normal and she heard fluid in your tummy. I asked her if you would get better and she sadly shook her head no. Your tumor had ruptured and you would just get sicker. She left us alone to discuss it, but we knew we had to let you go. We stood there holding and kissing you and crying even though we tried not to in front of you. She came back and we told her we couldn't let you suffer. She told us we were doing the bravest thing for you and explained what would happen. But you know me, I had already Googled it all. I was so scared for you and us. Neither of us ever lost our baby before. And we had no idea how we could live without you. We still don't. The vet took you back to get the IV into your front leg and the assistant brought us to a cozy room with a love seat and pictures of the Rainbows Bridge and boxes of tissues on the table. So many things flashed through my mind...the day we fell in love with you almost 12 years earlier. The little snorts you make while you are asleep, that I didn't get to give you any of your favorite meals since Thursday..so many things, everything we would miss about you being here. Everything we DO miss about you being here.
The vet brought you back and they laid you on Daddy's lap on a comfy blanket. You had the IV in your left paw with a red heart on it. They left us alone with you for awhile, so we could say our goodbyes. We stroked your soft fur and whispered how loved you are over and over. Trying to fit in as much as we could. When she came back my stomach just ached...my heart felt hollow and the tears flowed freely, She asked if we were ready and we were not, but shook our heads yes. She sat on the floor and explained what all those needles were for. She had already given you a sedative and the first shot was Propyphol. But your IV wasnt working. I almost took that as a sign that we made a mistake, but you looked so sick, I just kissed your head and said you would be ok soon. They had to put another IV in your right leg. I was so upset by this but they assured me you were very relaxed. When they brought you back you had another IV and a pink heart. This time as we petted your head and kissed you goodnight, the IV worked and you went into a very deep sleep. She flushed it with saline to make sure it went smoothly and said that the next shot would be the one. I braced myself but knew it wouldn't help. She said it would be fast, within seconds. It was, Daddy felt you let your last breath out and you were at peace and without pain. Now the pain is in our hearts. We ache for you, but you know that. Daddy asked them to leave you with us for 10 more minutes and they left us alone with you. We just kept stroking and kissing you and crying....
Every day seems to pass in slow motion. I can't believe it was only 4 days ago, it feels much longer. We aren't ourselves and my brain feels like mush. We can't pick up your things yet. Your medicines still sit, unopened and unused from a week ago. I keep expecting to hear your little pitter patter following me around. It happened much too fast, like ripping off a band-aid, but maybe that was the only way we could take this emptiness we have now.
We had the Candlelight Ceremony on Monday the 3rd and it was healing even though we cried through almost all of it. We prayed for signs that night. On Tuesday morning we stepped outside into the dreary drizzle (it has been raining since Saturday evening, I think that the angels are crying for our loss like we are) and something caught my eye. As I looked it was a cream/yellowish butterfly with gray spots that I have never seen before. The colors were like yours. It flew from the butterfly bush we got in your honor to the marigold plant and just sat there, as we took pictures, it just sat there. I knew I had my sign. I smiled and cried and thanked God. It couldn't have been anything else, but you letting us know that you are ok now. I stood and just watched for 10 minutes and it just sat there in the drizzle and fog. Butterflies hate drizzle and fog and this was amazing. It made me feel comfort that we made the right choice for you. No matter how much we miss you, we know you are free of pain and ok. I will post the pictures in your album soon.
We love you mommagirl, and miss you insanely. Please know our love for you is unending. xoxo
PS- We get your ashes back tomorrow. It will feel good to have you home again with us. It's hard to believe I still have any tears left. but I know I do..we love you Zoe.
Sept 6, 2012
Daddy went to get your ashes today and even though we know your at the Rainbows Bridge waiting for us, it will just feel better to have your urn safe with us at home. I know you are watching over us and I have a job interview later today because of you. I havent had it in me to cook since you've been gone. Partly because it was one of the things we shared with you. I would cook your favorite meals and you would lay on the living room floor watching my every little move, waiting so patiently for it to be done. I can't even bring myself to eat on the love seat, where you and I would have our dinner most nights. So, needless to say my diet has been not on my mind at all. I haven't gained any weight, which is a miracle in itself with the things I have been putting in my mouth, mostly fast food, but we just are not even hungry most of the time. We just eat our dinner because we know we should on the bed because we never really fed you your dinner there. It was so easy to lose that 42 lbs from april until the day you left, because I was so focused on you and making sure you would eat so you would recover from your tumor surgery in April and you did, right up until the end you did. I am just so thankful for the quality of life you were able to have because of your amazing vet, Dr. Trotter, the past almost 5 months were truly amazing to see. You ran around like a puppy again and were so happy all the time. I am thankful for so much Zoe.
So back to how I know you are watching over us like the little angel you are...on monday night Daddy asked if I wanted to go get ice cream at Danae's. I didn't but I said ok. We got our cups of ice cream and sat in the truck eating them, not wanting to be near any people. The bagel shop had a Help Wanted sign and Daddy saw it. I applied the next day (the day we saw the butterfly that looked like you) and yesterday the owner called me to come talk to her. I really don't feel up to working yet but I have been unemployed for so long that it too is a blessing. And you are the reason for it. I would not have been sitting there eating ice cream if not for you babygirl. I miss you, Daddy misses you. I felt so bad not going with him to get your ashes, but I haven't cleaned since before you got sick last Wednesday and I know I need to. I will before he gets back, at least a little. We love you our little momma forever xoxo
Sept 7, 2012
Hi our lil Zoe Monsner. We got your remains back yesterday. The vet and crematory did an amazing job of honoring you. The mahogany box with the lock and key were unexpected, as was the fact that they took 2 of your paw prints for us. We are going to frame them with a beautiful photo of you. They included the Rainbows Bridge Poem and we will incorporate that as well. It feels so good to have you back home with us, even if I can only caress your resting place, it helps me. I also went to my interview yesterday and got that job and you are the reason, my little angel. When I got back there was the same butterfly again. It met us at the door and almost seemed like it wanted to come inside before it settled in almost the exact same spot on the marigold. We prayed for signs and you have been giving them to us abundantly. Thank you for loving us and letting us know how much all the way from Rainbows Bridge. I hope you have so many new friends there that they ease any lonliness for us you have. I worry about you and so does Daddy. He told me to tell you he loves and misses you. I know he really does. As do I. How can it be only one week today since you stopped eating and drinking and became too weak to stand? It seems like years, yet the ache in our hearts is still so raw and fresh. I talk to you all the time. I always will. I don't care if people think I am crazy. I know you hear me and feel me.
I know the fur babies at the bridge must be as sweet and welcoming as all of their people. The notes in your guestbook bring even more tears to my eyes. We all know the same loss and pain of losing a baby so precious to us, we almost cannot function. That too brings me some comfort and warms my soul to know such human kindness exists. We miss you with every fiber of our being and we know tomorrow, the week anniversary of losing you will bring more tears, we cant help it princess. Sweet dreams our girl. Love always ~ Your Mommy and Daddy xoxox
Sept 8, 2012
Our sweet Zoe...today has been a whole week since we've been able to hold and kiss you. Sigh...it rained again today. We can't believe its been a week. It went by so slowly and I can't count the tears we shed. We still miss you so very much and always will, but we are happy you have so many new friends to keep you company until we can hug you again. Daddy hears your little snorts still and I still expect to see you sleeping on one of your beds. We bought Thank You cards for your vet and the 2 vets that were so kind to you and us last week and for the staff, yet I cannot bring myself to write anything in them yet. We want to print out some cute pictures of you to tuck into them too. We talk to you all the time. Knowing you are happy and healthy again makes losing you a little less painful, yet the emptiness of the house and our lives remains. You are in our hearts and minds every second of each day. You always will be. I remember how I used to sing to you every day and I havent sang since that Wednesday we found out you were sick again. But you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when times are gray. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away....be safe in God's garden my sweet baby. Love Mommy & Daddy
Sept 9, 2012
Hi Mommygirl. I hope you had a really good and fun time today with your new fuzzy friends. Daddy and I missed you alot today. It was a really beautiful, sunny day finally. First one since that day you went to Rainbows Bridge. I know its always beautiful and sunny where you are babygirl. We went grocery shopping for the 1st time since you left us and I know we both sorely missed how you would greet us at the door, tail wagging and so excited that we had the bags of food you loved so much. Carefully sticking your whole face in each and every bag and wagging your tail when you found your beloved Pupperoni. You just seemed to know which things were for you every time. We missed it so much babygirl.
I have to get up super early for work tomorrow, but I havent really slept very well since you got sick that day so I wont miss the sleep. I will write to you again tomorrow my darling Zoe. Daddy loves you and wishes you were here but is happy you are happy and with all your new friends, healthy and sending us your blessings daily. I feel them, I know its from you. Hugs and love from us both our baby. Forever - Mommy and Daddy xoxoxo
Sept 10, 2012
Hi babygirl, today was such a beautiful day, the kind you liked so much. Not hot, not cold, a little breeze..the type of day where you would turn you little face into the breeze and stand there, loving it.I felt you all day today and actually had to go to the restroom at work at one point to cry. Daddy misses you and so do I and we will forever. I hope you are meeting lots of new friends there, even though I wish that you were still here. Our sweet angel, just know that you are in our hearts and heads and we still cant put your things away. Maybe we never will be able to. I know you are close by even as we miss you, you are always on my mind and the signs you send...the things that happen I know are your way of letting us feel you. your butterfly bush is filled with new blooms just waiting to burst and we wanted something that would smell good. I think of your love of aroma therpay all the time and it makes me smile thru my tears. You would smell flowers, candles, perfume, anything that smelled yummy and your little tail would wag so happily :) God knows how much I miss that and everything about you. Sleep tight with the angels and the furbabies our darling Zoe. Love always xoxo
Sept 13, 2012
Hi Zoe momma. I have been so tired from work I have not gotten on the laptop. But I will later tonight. I had a particularly bad day without you today. I miss you so much still. Today was bad, but I love you and will be back to write more later, my precious girl.
Love always mommy xoxoxoxox
Sept 15, 2012
My Zoe...today was hard. 2 whole weeks since we had to let you go and the pain is still just as big as the day it happened. I feel you everywhere and yet I feel so empty without you here. Each day is still painful and difficult but especially the Saturdays. I will never spend another Saturday when the pain of your passing is not the first thing in my mind as I wake and the last thing on my mind before I sleep. Sigh. My angel, you are so so sorely missed each and every day. But you know that, dont you? As much as you are missed, we are happy you are ok now. Free and happy and with your friends. It does make losing you a little less painful. I cant really type here without crying yet but maybe one day i can. I hope you can feel all the love we send to you all day, every day, because we do babygirl. We can feel yours ....we know you're watching over us and sending signs of love all the time. I see them and point them out to Daddy if he doesnt notice too (we know how Daddys can be hehe) I send you all my hugs and kisses and love. Until we can be together again always. Love Mommy xoxox missing u so so so much !
ps- I sent some chinese food. guess what it is? your beloved crab rangoon. I had some the other night and it wasnt the same without you eating it with me :/ love you baby- mommy
Sept 22, 2012
Hi Mommagirl- 3 weeks without your sweet face to kiss and I am still lost and just cannot believe its been only weeks when it feels like I havent held you in years :/ Your butterfly bush is so gorgeous and full of flowers. Yesterday there was a beautiful black butterfly with electric blue trim. I wish you could smell the blooms, I know you would love it. Today is the 1st day of Autumn...the days have been sunny but cool. Just the kind of weather you love....God knows how much I miss you. I still have your things around, I know I should pick them up...just not yet. I wish I could hold and kiss you just one more time...I know youll be waiting for me when I get there. I just miss you now. Every day, every minute. I love you my Zoe. XOXOXO Always ~ Mommy
Five Hundred Four Hours - a poem by mommy -9/22/12
Five hundred four hours since I've kissed your sweet face,
Five hundred four hours of knowing you can't be replaced,
Five hundred four hours of tears streaming down my cheeks,
Five hundred four hours...how could it be only three weeks?
Five hundred four hours of emptiness in my heart,
Five hundred four hours of hating that we're apart.
My girl - it's been exactly five hundred four hours..a full 3 weeks since we said our goodbyes and each day brings a different type of heartache, a new yet familiar sadness at your loss. I miss you more than anything...every day, every hour, every minute we are apart is like a painful hollowness deep in my soul. You made my life easier, happier, smooshier, fuzzier, more joyful and filled with love than I could have ever imagined. There will NEVER be a day when I don't yearn to hold you close in my arms again. Losing you has left me desolate and destroyed. My best friend, my mommagirl, my sweet sweet Zoe.
Always Your Loving Mommy xoxox
ps- miss you bunches my munchkin <3
Sept 24, 2012
Hi my fatima - I miss you a lot and yesterday we got a nice sympathy card from your vets and a notice of a donation made in your name to the US Animal Fund. It was so touching and caring of them. I hope you know how much youre missed every day...you are. Even when I cant get here to type to you, I talk to you all the time. Last night as I was cooking dinner, I swore I felt a cold, wet nose on my calf...just the height of your nose :/ Maybe I am losing my mind...all I know is I felt it. I love you babygirl and so does Daddy. I cant believe Sept is over in less than a week. The nights have been chilly. I wish I could hug you....one day I will. Until then, I keep you close in my thoughts and heart Zoe. I love you so so much. Always, your Mommy xoxox
Sept 26, 2012
My sweet girl - Another day over and I miss you! I get here and the tears, the ones I hold in, flow. I am not sure if I will ever stop crying. I know you are safe and sound and happy. I think of you all the time and it makes me happy too. My memories of you keep me company while I am awake and asleep. You were the constant bundle of love....I miss your sweet face and I know Daddy does too. The days are getting shorter but our love for you is always there, constant and deep. I know that you are watching over us and I know you are sending blessings and butterflies. You knew about grandma butterfly and that I would be looking for butterflies. And me feeling your cold, wet nose against my leg last night was so real. I know you are sending your love to us. I feel it all the time. You know you will never be forgotten, no matter what happens in our lives, you will always be our babygirl, Zoe. We are loving you the best we can now. I am going to work on your special frame this week. I will take pictures when its done. I love you baby. Always your Mommy xoxo
Zoe, my precious baby- I can't believe tomorrow is October 1st and you have been gone for a month :*( I miss you all the time. I love you Zoe, I hope you are ok and happy and know just how much we love and miss you. I hope you have lots of friends to play and run with all day babygirl. We still have all your medicines and dinners in the freezer. I know there would be lots more room if I gave them away or something...its just hard still. I miss making your dinner and feeding you so much. I miss seeing your little face turned into the breeze and watching how much you enjoyed it. Its the little things I miss the most. You know that and how my heart aches for you. Always feel our love surround you because it does Zoe. I wish you were here, nothing feels right anymore:/ Kisses and hugs - Your Mommy xoxox
Oct. 20, 2012-
My lil poopalina-
Its been awhile since I've been here. Things have been so busy and I've been so tired at night when I usually write to you. You know how badly I still miss you babygirl. Nothing can replace you or what you mean to me. I still sigh alot and tears are something that I have learned to live with. Sometimes there will be a puppy on tv that reminds me of you and just lose it. I just cant wait to hold you in my arms again and kiss your little head. I dont know that there has ever been a longer 7 weeks than since we lost you :*( I love you monsner. I hope youre happy up there and havin g lots of fun. I'll write more soon my sweeet girl. Always in my thoughts & heart, every minute, every day. Love Mommy xoxox
PS- The leaves are starting to change color. I know how much you loved the cool, breezy Fall days. God knows how much I miss you.
Nov. 16, 2012-
Happy Birthday my precious babygirl! God knows I wish you were here today so I could kiss that sweet face for your 13th birthday. You almost made it. While you were still here, every day I would pray that you would be with me for your birthday. Just to hold you once more in my arms and feel your fuzzy love would be so amazing. But I am glad you werent here for Superstorm Sandy!! You would have hated it so much. Mommy has never been so scared and I know you would have been more scared than I was. Everything has changed now....places we would bring you are gone or ruined by water and wind. Where we lived last year was devastated and we would have lost everything. We had no power for 20 hours but everyone along the shore lost so much. Then a week later we had a nor'easter they named Athena drop 12 inches of snow on us on Nov. 7th. I loved to watch you hop thru the snow when you were a little puppy. But I am SO glad you are safe and sound up with your furbaby friends. God knows I miss having you here each and every day...but I am thankful youre healthy and happy and hope you had a nice birthday. Mommy misses you more than I can fathom and wont ever stop. You were and are and always will be the light of my life Zoe. My little precious girl that cant ever be replaced. Happy Birthday my fuzzygirl. I hope it was wonderful and you got lots of presents. I miss you! Love Mommy xoxoxo
Dec. 16, 2012 - Hi Sweetiegirl, I put up your Christmas tree today. Mommy knows just how much you loved and adored Christmas. I added your ornaments to our Christmas tree this week...sigh. God knows I miss you every day Zoe. I've been super busy "adopting out" Hurricane Sandy families for Christmas. So many kids are afraid Santa won't find them this year...even tho I am so so busy, it doesn't stop me from missing you and thinking about you every day. Your little paw prints are all over the house and my heart.....forever loving you~Mommy xo
April 1, 2013 - Hi my babygirl & Happy Easter. Please understand that Mommy should come here much more often but I miss you so much that just writing to you makes me turn into a puddle of tears. Today is 7 long months and it still is as raw as if it were yesterday. I miss you so much....I realize that I always will. Your close to me always but not close enough to hug except in my heart. I remember how much you loved Spring and all the flowers and smelling them. You weren't like other dogs, they just sniff everything, but you actually stopped to smell the flowers. God how I miss you. I can close my eyes and still feel you here, but nothing is or ever will be the same without you. I promise to come here more and write. But you know how often you are in my mind even when I dont come here. Every day I mourn you, my fuzzy babygirl, my best friend, my heart. Mommy will see you again but until then this and my memories of you have to do. Hugging you always my Zoe - Your Mommy xoxoxox
July 21, 2013 - Hi my Zoe. Mommy has been thinking about you a lot these past few weeks. Can it really be over 3 months since I came here to write to you? It makes me cry to come here. When you left a huge part of me went with you. I am thinking that maybe I will see you soon. I don't really have a purpose anymore. You're gone and my kids hate me. Daddy keeps telling me how much he wants me to leave and I am just useless here on Earth. No one would really miss me, well maybe Denise. But you know, when you died my happiness left. I cry alot. I love you so much. You were my constant companion and my confidant and I just wish I could hug and kiss you again. I know I wouldn't feel so lonely if you were here still. I hope you are waiting to see me again. My life is not even what I would call a life anymore. Without you and my kids, nothing is the same and I am so empty. Maybe we won't have to be apart for long. I just want to hug you tight and never let you go. I feel so numb sometimes... oh why can't you still be here with me every day? I know why but I hate it. I love you and miss you sooooo much. It never goes away. And not one day passes that I don't close my eyes and see your cute fuzzy face. :*( You are and always will be my lil fuzz monster. I have a whole shelf just with your things on it in the new cabinet. You ashes and pictures of you when you are a puppy and when you got older. You paw prints are in a frame and it makes me cry to look at that shelf. I try not to but its all just too much...the memories are still so raw and fresh. I will write more soon. I hope you have lots of new friends to keep you busy. I love you to the moon and back and always will ~Love Forever- Mommy xoxoxoxo
August 1, 2013 - Hi babygirl, today you have been gone 11 whole months :*( I still wish you were here every minute of every day. I always think of you and today was hard, very hard. I just want to wrap my arms around you and kiss your little fuzzy head. Sigh...I am trying really hard not to cry. All my memories of you are such good ones...I hate that you got sick and feel like I let you down because even though you got better, you didn't stay better. Maybe so many things...but mostly I just wanted to come here and write to you. I know that you see my tears and know how much I miss you every day. Things just will never be the same again. You are my ONE special baby forever. I don't mean to cry so much but sometimes I just have to let it out and let myself feel the sadness of losing you. I just can't believe its been almost a whole year. In so many ways, it seems like yesterday. I can still feel every minute of that day and probably always will. I just hope you know how loved you still are my mommy. And that things are not the same without your cute face staring up at me. I love you....love you always and forever. Until we see each other again, have lots of fun with all your puppy friends. Love always ~ Mommy xoxoxoxoxox
September 1, 2013 - A whole year without you, I am not sure how I made it Zoe monsner. I miss you so so so much every day. This has been without a doubt the very worst year of my life. I lost my best friend, my sidekick, my secret keeper, my heart and soul. My world has not been touched with your fuzzy love and kisses in 365 days. It is like the sun doesn't shine quite as bright for me now. I will write more later. This week has left me feeling lost and wishing for the millionth time that you were still here with me. I hope you have a fun party with all your friends there and I hope they get you lots of your favorite things. I miss being able to give you the things you loved so much and made your little tail wag wildly with excitement. :*( I love you my girl. Mommy always will. I will come write more later. I can't cry anymore right now :/ Missing you~ Mommy xoxoxoxox
PS - I hate September now.
I wish you were here
I so miss your face
I wish you were here
You can't be replaced.
~ Almost 13 years in my arms~forever in my heart~
All my love~Mommy xoxoxox
November 16, 2013 - Happy Birthday my girl! I miss you so so much and wish I could give you lots of birthday kisses and goodies. I hope that you have a party with all your friends. Christmas is coming and I am decorating and I made you a special ornament and am putting a little tree in the cabinet with your urn. I put the ceramic ornament I made for you a long long time ago in there too. I miss you having you here so much Zoe monsner. Nothing is the same....nothing :*/ I love you !! Missing you always and forever~Mommy xoxoxox
September 1, 2014 - How can it already be 2 whole years since you left us??? It seems impossible and seems like yesterday but God how I have missed you....every day. I come here to visit and it brings it all back as if it were just yesterday and my tears just can't help but flow down my face. You are and always will be my beautiful, fuzzy babygirl and I will never stop missing you until the day I get to hold you close to me again. September, a month I used to love and adore, now just reminds me of losing you :**( I know I will never be the same, not ever. I hope you are busy with your fur friends and not missing your Daddy and I as much as we always miss you. If I close my eyes and let my mind drift, it always brings me back to you and hugging you close and your little sweet kisses. I miss that and everything else about you. I miss you Zoe.....I miss you just as much, maybe even more, than 2 years ago. I hold you close to my heart and my memories of you are all I have left to keep me close to you. I will try to come here more. I just don't know how to come here without crying. I miss you my babygirl....every day. I love you. All my love~ Mommy xoxoxox
March 9, 2015 - Another year....another year without you my baby. I miss you so much. It was another long, freezing cold winter. Snow storms every few days and lots of long cold days to miss you. Memories of you are all I have left but I wish you were here with me. Some days I feel so lost and lonely and hopeless. I just want to hug you and hold you tight. Tomorrow will be 3 years since we found out you weren't feeling well. And it was the beginning of losing you. I am still so glad the surgery gave me another 5 months with you but I wish it had been so much longer....5 years would not have been long enough, but it would have been so much longer than I had left to love you. Tears, tears, tears....I miss you babygirl. Loving you as always, Mommy xoxoxoxoxox I am so sorry I couldnt help you get completely well and stay that way :**[
September 25, 2015 - My Zoe I am sorry I haven't written here but I have been here a few times. I have been sick so I went to Doctors and I still miss you so much. This time of year especially is hard for me. Daddy and I moved on August 31st and we live in the woods now. I think you would like our little cottage. But maybe not the 1000s of acorns that fall all day and night :/ How I miss you, 3 years without you, seems so impossible. I have to upload the picture I have of your tribute cabinet. I love and miss you so much Zoe monsner. My life won't ever be the same as when you were with me. One day we will be together again and I will be able to kiss and hug you. But until then this will have to do. Mommy loves you my angel puppy xoxoxoxoxox
September 1, 2016 - What can I say when it's been so long since I could hold you, so long since I would kiss you, so long since you had to leave us. God knows how much I miss and love you baby girl. I cannot believe it's been 4 long long years....I love you my fuzzy girl. I am going to go cry now. All my love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxox
November 1, 2016 - November already.....how does the time fly by so quickly? I am still here without you, every day....missing you, every day...Monroe and Stormi keep me busy but they are not you. You were my very best friend always, my sounding board and my secret keeper. I tell them about you all the time. I show them your picture and I hug the oak box with your ashes in it all the time. My life without you in it, seems so empty and sad. I dream of you a lot. And get really sad when I wake up and realize it was only a dream. It is a beautiful Autumn day and it would only be more beautiful if you were still here with me. I love you so much my Zoe xoxoxox I will be back soon. Love Always, mommy xoxoxox
November 16, 2016 - Happy Birthday my babygirl! Le sigh, I hope you are having the best time today. It's been a rough day and month so far for me. But I know you are healthy and happy and just having the best time with all your new friends. Somehow I know that should make missing you so much easier....
You would have been 17 years old, I can't even believe that. I do wish you were here still. I know that's so selfish and I cry as I type it. I'm sorry, I miss you my fuzzy girl. Holidays have not been the same since you left me. Sending all my love and hugs to you. XOXOXOXOXOXO HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY'S GIRL <3
December 13, 2016 - Hey my sweet girl....I just put up your Christmas tree here. Not sure I even want a Christmas tree in the house this year. I am in mourning for our country. And I miss you and my kids so much. Somehow I will be celebrating the birth of Christ.....just not sure I want to bother with decorations. I wish you were still here, you loved Christmas so much.....the tree, your special stocking and ornaments, Christmas dinner...all of it! It all rings hollow now tho. I am not sure how to feel joy anymore. I love you very very much and miss you even more than usual. I will write again soon. It is getting so cold and we may get some snow. Love you SO SO MUCH, mommy XOXOXOXOXO
December 25, 2016 - Merry Christmas my baby! I miss you so much today and every day. Christmas will never be quite the same without you with us. Daddy has been feeling sick and went to the ER today. Grandma took him. I am praying he is ok. I know he misses you so much too. I hope you have a fun Christmas and I am sending you ALL MY LOVE....I miss you my girl :*(
May 24, 2017 - My sweet babygirl, I miss you still....daily. I still cry when I come here to update your memorial page. I can't help it. You were supposed to live another 10 years. I guess that is my own wishful thinking. I just miss you :*( I will see you again and can't wait to kiss and hug you. This Spring has been so weird....wet, cloudy, chilly now but it was almost 90 a week ago. Spring in New Jersey I guess. I hope you have so many furry friends that you don't miss us much. I know you do but not too much. I will always love you my Zoe mmonsner....so MUCH! XOXOXOXOXOXOX