From 5/29/07 (added 6/29): We had to put my dog Wrigley down today. We were blessed with a few extra days with him that we thought we wouldn't have, but he took a turn for the worse today and we knew it was time. |
I have been preparing for this for a long time now, Wrigley had a wonderful, long life. But I am still completely heartbroken and devastated at this loss. Wrigley was a friend and a brother. He would come up to you if you were crying and put his head on your lap to console you. He is a symbol of my childhood and of unconditional love. I miss him already and it has only been about an hour and a half since he's been gone. He looked so peaceful that Mom said it seemed like we should be taking him home. We just hugged him and cried and I said "be a good boy" when I left...because that's what I always say to him when I leave and I couldn't think of anything else. On the way home, "Imagine" came on the radio. It was almost eerie. Mom and I just sang and cried... maybe Dan didn't know the words. It feels like he's still in my house. My heart literally hurts right now.
I know he's gone to the Rainbow Bridge to see all of your pets who have passed on, and I feel relief knowing that he is no longer in pain. I know that this is what we had to do, I am just having a very difficult time dealing with it. I feel like I have truly lost a member of my family.
6/29: I cannot believe it has been a month. I feel as though the pain is just as fresh as it was on the first day. I miss you so much, sweet baby. I try not to cry, but I still do all the time. No one around me understands anymore, and if you were still here I know you would be the one consoling me. I hope you are having so much fun, Wrigley, if you could please send a sign I would really appreciate it. Be a good boy.
7/8 - Hi baby. I miss you so much right now it hurts so badly. I haven't cried for a few days and now almost feel guilty. Being at home with everyone this past week was really rough. Being at the pool on the fourth of July was the hardest. I remember throwing the tennis ball while sitting on a raft in the water to you on the side, and how you catch it and sort of throw it back in even though you never wanted to swim. It hurt not having you there this year. We all love you so much, sweet baby. Even Kramer misses you. We have been taking him on a lot of walks to cheer him up, but everytime we try to take him out he wants to get into the car so he can go wherever it is that we took you. It breaks my heart. I don't say these things to make you sad, Wrigley, I am so happy that you are free to run and have fun at the bridge - I just miss you so much. Tell all the others we said hi and we miss them too. I love you sweetie, be a good boy.
7/15/07 - I had a dream about you last night, baby. It was really the first dream I have had like this since you left. It felt so real. And touching you felt so real. And no one else believed that you were there, but I knew that you were. And I got to hug you. But then I woke up and wished so hard to go back to sleep to be able to touch you again. I miss you so much, baby. I'm so sorry, I know you don't want me to be sad. I didn't tell Mom about the dream because I didn't want to upset her, I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not. Everything is so hard right now, Wrigs, and I just miss you so much. You were comfort. I hope all is well with you, try to send some comfort to Kramer, he misses you a lot. James and I found a new nickname for him though, "fatling". I thought you would think that was funny. I miss you so much my baby, please keep sending me signs if you can. Be a good boy, I love you.
8/12/07- It has been a really rough week, Wrigs. Coming home from a trip and not having you there to greet us at home or at the kennel was very hard for all of us, I miss you welcoming everyone. I'm under a lot of stress lately, and today is one of those days where I KNOW if you were here I would be driving to our house just so I could see you and give you a big hug. You always made me feel better without doing anything at all. I need that right now. Sometimes I start crying and feel like I will never be able to stop. I miss you so much sweetie. I hope everything is wonderful there, be a good boy.
12/15/07: I miss you so much, Wrigley. It snowed last night, and it just reminds me of how much you loved playing in the snow. We are thinking about going to Golden Rescue tomorrow, but it is not to replace you at all. There are just so many dogs who need good homes and I know that we have so much love to give. I don't want to imagine what Christmas morning is going to be like without you there, sniffing your stocking and trying to eat everyone's wrapping paper. I hope everything is going well for you and that you are having a good time playing in the snow. Be a good boy, baby, I love you.
5/15/08: I can't believe it has almost been a year since you've been gone. I graduate from college on Friday, baby, isn't that weird? I was in 3rd grade when we got you. I have been thinking about you an awful lot lately, I found your leash in the closet as I was cleaning out my apartment. Alfredo is a great addition to our family, but we all miss you very much. He could use a little of your wisdom right about now, and I'm sure Kramer would appreciate the break. I miss you so much baby. I love you, be a good boy.
7/24/08: I just want you to know that I still think about you and miss you every single day. Love you baby, be a good boy.
1/8/09: I haven't been here in a long time, baby. But I think about you each and every day. I still miss you so much and my heart still hurts a little when I think about you. The movie Marley and Me is out now and I won't go see it -- I feel like it will remind me too much of you and I will miss you too much. I hope you're having a wonderful time where you are. Have you been seeing your new 92 lb brother? I think he may be getting the best of Kramer, haha. I love you baby. Be a good boy.
5/29/2009: Today marks the two year anniversary of you leaving us, baby. I woke up this morning already in tears before I even thought about the date; you still have that strong a presence in my heart. Today is going to be so difficult and I have to hide it because no one will understand how a person can still be this affected by her baby's death even after two years. That's only because they weren't lucky enough to have known you, Wrigs. I still miss you and love you each and every day; there is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of you. I wish you could see me in New York. I wish my new friends could have known you. I know that you are in a much happier, much more peaceful place but I can't help but be selfish and wish that you were here with me, eating marshmallows right out of my hand. I need to go get ready for work and I need to try to stop crying so I can get through the day, but I miss you so much it hurts. I love you, baby. Be a good boy.
11/5/2009: Saw a picture online of someone's golden who passed away. She looked just like you, Wrigs and it took me off guard. She had the same sweetness in her eyes. Two and a half years later and I still miss you every day. Be a good boy, baby. I miss you.
11/16/2009: Hi baby. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time right now but I miss you so much. Life is so crazy right now and I just want a little bit of comfort and all I can think of is how you used to let me lie on you and we would like that in the family room. Or how if you ever saw me crying you followed me around the house until I sat down on the steps and let you lick my face. I wish I could just have one hug, Wrigs, and it breaks my heart that I can't. My apartment is too small for a dog here and I don't have enough time to take care of one properly but I wish so much that I could have one. You were the best dog and you showed me and the whole family how truly wonderful having a pet can be. I miss you baby and sometimes I feel like this is the only place i can go to really say what I need to say. I added Lucky Charms to your spot. They don't have marshmallows as an option but Lucky Charms has marshmallows in it. I hope you're having fun, friggles. I miss you and love you. Be a good boy.
3/1/2010: Hi sweetie. I can feel you tonight, I really can. And I didn't even tell Negeen I was thinking about you and then she told me that you were in her dream last night! Which only makes me wish harder that you were really here. James said you must be making the rounds because you want to see everyone. :) I miss you so much, baby. All I want tonight is to curl up next to you. It's amazing that all I have to do is think of a memory or see your picture and the tears just start falling. James also just reminded me of what a good boy you always were to us and how you really mastered those puppy-dog eyes... I miss those eyes. Remember when you and Kramer escaped from the backyard and went on a walk together? Haha you weirdos -- you came right back home! I miss you, sweetie. I could really use a Wrigley hug right about now. It makes me sad and frustrated when people can't understand how much I miss you or how close someone could feel to their pet, but I really just think they are missing out. I'm one of the lucky ones who has gotten to experience real unconditional love. I miss you so much baby. Be a good boy.
4/28/10: Hi baby. How are you? I could feel you tonight while I was out walking in the city. A golden passed by and looked right at me, really just fixed his gaze on me. It made me miss you so much baby. I love having those reminders but sometimes they are hard. There's so much going on in my life right now, Friggles. I am trying to go to graduate school but have to use my back up plan of getting the masters vs. the PhD. I know I am good enough for the PhD programs, but there's nothing I can do now. I wish you were here for me to hug and talk to about all the things that I am confused about. You always listen and never judge or run away or anything; I wish everyone was like that. Sigh, guess that pleasures rests with the animals of the world. I miss you so much baby. I really want to talk more but I have to sleep. Do you have a lot of visitors up there? Please look out for my friend Mike's pup, Gus, he just passed yesterday. Take care of him Wrigs, I know you will. I love you so much baby, be a good boy.
7/12/2010: Hi baby, how are you? Things are not so good here and it makes me miss you so much. Paul broke up with me. I am heartbroken, baby. I also have to find a new apartment and job very soon. Bubbie is having surgery on Wednesday to get rid of a spot on her lung. We are praying it is just benign but there is a possibility that there is cancer. I don't know what to do, Wrigs. I just feel so lost right now. I got to see Alfredo and Kramer last week, they're so silly baby. Alfredo is starting to act a lot like you, only maybe not quite as smart. Matthew was talking about how you had such a sense of humor and were always trying to make us laugh. :) I miss you so much baby, I wish you could just come put your head on my lap like you used to and everything would be okay. I could use a sign, baby. I love you, be a good boy.
7/26/2010: Hi sweet darling, how are you? Negeen's sweet puppy Buster got sick a little while ago and had to be put down tonight. Please watch for him and guide him through the rainbow bridge, okay, baby? I know you two will get along. If Negeen and I are best friends then you and Busty boy are bound to be besties as well. We are very sad and everyone is missing Buster but I know that you and Casey are taking care of him. Ask him to send a sign if he can, love. And if you could send one too I would really appreciate it. I'm missing you so much baby. I love you, be a good boy.
8/22/2010: Hi baby, how are you? Things are not good right now, Wrigs. Everything is a mess and I don't know what to do anymore. I am moving on Friday and mom was supposed to come help me and now she isn't and I feel like I can't even pack by myself. And I start school soon baby and I don't even know what I'm doing for work or how I am going to pay my rent. I miss Paul, too. I just sort of feel like everything is a mess and I don't know what to do anymore. I turned 25 a couple weeks ago and I still feel like I have no direction. And I miss you so much, love. I got to spend some time with Alfredo and Kramer last week, it was really nice but I still miss having you around. We still talk about you all the time, baby. My friend Candie's puppy Abby just passed on baby, will you please look out for her? I miss you so much, Wrigley. I love you, be a good boy.
1/16/2011: Hi sweet baby. I don't know why but when I was just lying in bed I couldn't stop thinking of the day we had to say goodbye to you. It came out of nowhere but it makes me ache and miss you so much. You really were the best dog and you were so strong and brave in your last days even though I am sure you were in pain. I just remember feeding you marshmallow after marshmallow because they were your favorite. I still think of you all the time and miss you every day. I wish more people understood this feeling so I felt like I could talk to someone about it, but unfortunately most humans would think it was strange that I still miss you so much. I'm the lucky one though, baby, because I got to know a very special kind of love. I miss you, Wrigs. Love you baby, be a good boy.
2/27/2011: Hi my love, I don't know what is going on with me tonight but I can't stop thinking about you and missing you. I love you so much baby and I truly miss you every day, I wish I could share this with other people but they just don't understand. I really wish Paul had gotten to meet you. Negeen came to visit me last week and we talked about how much fun you and Buster must be having, please give him a kiss for us. I really miss you baby, I can't wait to see you again. I don't care what anyone says, I know I will see you again. I love you so much, baby, be a good boy.
2/2/2013: Hi sweetie, I know I haven't written in a long time but I still think about you and miss you every single day. I could really use some cuddle time right now, baby. Once again, life is extremely messy and lonely and I would give anything to be able to touch you and give you a squeeze right now. I miss you so much. I could really use a sign right now, love. Please. Miss and you and love you, be a good boy.
5/28/17: missing you today and every day, sweet boy. Wish you were here.