Welcome to Toulouse Crooks's Rainbow Bridge Memorial Residency
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Memories of Toulouse Crooks
Toulouse was my bestest buddy. He was a pisces like me and was very intuned with my feelings. When I cried he curled up beside me and licked my tears. He would greet me at the door. He & his sister would chase each other around the house and often would make me part of their race track. Jasper came into our lives at 7 weeks old when Toulouse was 3 years old. Try introducing a new kitten to a cat who was king of his home. I was a wreck by day 3, but was very happy when I came home from work to let him inside and watched him walk over to Jasper and start licking her to death. They were best buddies from that moment on. Before Toulouse became a big brother, he was seriously injured. We think hit by a car.Somehow he was able to climb up some stairs, climb onto the roof and crawl through the window right into his carrier which was his bed. I took him to the vets as he didn't seem right. He had a collapsed lung, broken tail and many other internal injuries. The vet didn't have hopes of him surviving the night. He did though and lived another 16 years though some fun, sadness, good /bad moments. He was my baby. Oh he loved his food and my food. Summer time he had a fit if I didn't share my watermelon with him. Dived into a fresh bowl of buttered popcorn when I went to answer my door. Stole my chicken from a tv dinner when I went to get a glass of juice then went racing out the window and sat on the roof eating my lunch. He loved the outdoors and would be out the window and waiting outside by the driveway by the time I had walked down my insuite stairs then the hallway stairs. We moved in 1994 and Toulouse became an indoor cat showing no desire to go outside though both he and his sister would poke their heads out the door when I would open up the patio door.
He got into mischief like any other cat. My food was his food and let me know it. I had an old backpack that I used for grocery shopping or bringing home take out. The material around the zipper was worn away. One day, I had decided to head to McDonalds, but when I came home left the bag with meal on the floor and tended to some computer stuff. A short while later I looked over to see Toulouse had happily ripped open my backpack and was enjoying my french fries..we won't have talk about Cheetos. He learned to open his own bags as I discovered one morning when I came home from work to find the chip bags I had left on the counter on the floor split open with the contents all over the place.
Spoiled yes, but oh so loved. How do you share 19 years of a loved member of your family in a short paragraph..you can't.
He has brought me so much joy and making the decision to let him go was the very hardest thing I have ever had to do. I wake up in the morning expecting him to be curled up on the floor, rushing under my feet when some popcorn or food acidentally falls on the floor, having him come into the bathroom and rest his paws on the side of the tub as I shower, running to the door when he hears me insert the key in the lock. hearing me open his favourite can of catfood, sharing my watermelon with him, he was a cat, but more like a little person with his likes/dislikes.
He loved the spray bottle and would coming running if I started to squirt it then sit there lapping up the stream of water being sprayed at him.
This summer he lost his strength and ability to climb up onto the bed to sleep beside me which he did almost every time I slept. I became ill in August with a badly infected leg or the medical condition of Cellulitis. A morning where I was supposed to be heading to the airport to fly out on a 4 day vacation to California, I found myself suddenly cancelling my flight/hotel room and very sad to do so. What I didn't know until the next day when I had the strength to seek medical treatment was that day I also had a spiked fever of 104F. After making the necessary phone calls, I fell into a deep sleep. Can you imagine my surprise when I woke up about 9 hours later to find Toulouse stretched out beside me on the bed with him watching me and his paw curled around my hand.When I went to move my hand, his paw tightened around me and he gave me his signature meow then moved closer so his nose was touching my face. I never heard him climb up on the bed, but he was determined to be by my side especially since he hadn't been on the bed for about a month. The loss of his presence is still too fresh in my mind as it has only been 16 days now. My heart aches and all I want is my best friend home. Where others let me down, he never did. His sister misses him and I can hear her sob like a person quietly does. I can only hope that he is amongst friends and playing/having fun. I may have had my moments when I was in a crappy mood and my stress rubbed off on both Toulouse and Jasper, but I loved him with all my heart. I miss you big time baby boy!

~ Both Jasper and myself miss Toulouse very much and appreciate everyone who has taken a moment to visit Toulouse's site and leave a message in his guestbook. Each message brings a smile to my face, but still tears to my eyes. I will respond to each one of you when I can focus on thoughts without shedding a tear. In the meantime, I can only hope Toulouse and all of the darling babies are off making their aquaintances and playing together amongst the Rainbow Bridge community. May the knowledge of knowing that they are happy, playing together, sleeping or enjoying the fresh air while watching over their mommys, daddys and family bring some warmth/comfort to the pain we feel Thank you everyone. Big hugs to each & every one of you (January 5/09) ~

~Toulouse, we miss you so much. Your sister went into your carrier the other day and stayed there for a long time. I still look around for you and even though it was 4 weeks yesterday that you left us, it feels like it was just yesterday. Mommy misses you so much and hopes you are happy/healthy playing with all the other animals..no stealing their food, Moocher..lol.
I think back to when we were at your first home and how you raced up and down all those stairs to bring me back your mouse. You were so active running up/down the stairs that girls down below were wondering what the heck was going on. Mommy is hoping to take her missed August trip in a couple of weeks so cross your paws that she makes it on the plane this time. When I get home, I will try to put together your photo album so everyone can see all the fun times you had. Sorry I don't get as much as I should, but it is hard cause go to cuddly you and you aren't there. I miss you Princeton Toulouse aka Moocher..be good/have fun out there in the meadow (January 17/09)

Happy Birthday, my baby boy. Both Jasper & I wish with all our hearts that you were right here with us so mommy could spoil you rotten and Jasper could give you tons of kitty kisses. We hope that you have made some good friends and that you are celebrating your birthday with all of them. We miss you so much and hard to believe that you aren't here with us. Jasper misses her buddy and has been spending lots of time in YOUR carrier which she never used to do. I love you lots, Princeton Toulouse..big hugs/kisses from me & Jasper xoxox (March 2, 2009)

Toulouse, hard to come here to visit cause mommy just wants to hold you in her arms and cuddle with you as you purr away and leave sloppy cat kisses on me. Both Jasper and I miss you so much. I wish you were still with us and enjoying life. I ate some watermelon last week and thought of how you would practically grab it from me so you could chomp away on the rind etc. I went up-island last weekend to Ucluelet and this time last week we were having a BBQ..I had some t-bone steak and thought of how much you would have loved chewing on the bone. Jasper lives in your carrier now and only comes out if I wake her up or I crawl into bed. She misses you so much. We both do. I would give anything to have you back with us.. I need my best friend big time..hope you are having fun with all the other friends you have been making..miss you baby boy..I love you so much xoxox (June 7,2009)

Oh my baby boy, it was a year ago today that I had to say goodbye to you..heart breaking day that I will never forget. We miss you so much and never forget you.Its so hard coming in here cause everytime I do I break down in tears..those same tears that would have you running from your favourite sleeping spot to make sure I was okay. Last week, I went to mail Xmas Cards after work and stopped in at McDonald's to get some breakfast and bought you some hash browns out of habit. You are so missed...I love you so much and hope wherever you are that you are watching over your sister when I am not around. She hasn't been herself all week and wonder if maybe she knows...watch over us my boy..love you Princeton Toulouse xxxx ( December 19, 2009)

I miss you so much Toulouse. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you seeing you around here. I hope you are having fun wherever you are and behaving yourself. Jasper is not doing too good and sadly think she might be joining you soon. I am not ready for her to do that cause I need her. Please if you are watching over her/us tell her that she its not her time yet xxx ( Nov. 7, 2010)

My baby boy, I hope you got the alert that your best buddy was on her way & you met up with her. Jasper left me while I was work sometime this morning and fortunately she was curled up on my bed when she left. please play nicely and show her the ropes. I love you both soooo much and miss you soo much. Take good care of her and remember that your mom thinks of you both every second..home is so empty now..who is going to curl up beside me when I am in bed ..I love you both..RIP and always in my heart ..(Nov 11, 2010)

The days get harder & harder without both you & Jasper around. I miss the two of soo much and hope you have been found each other & been reunited again. Its a new year and I am relieved to see the last of the holiday season come to an end tomorrow night. Not much of a Xmas without the two of you. Almost happy that I did work over Xmas and didn't go anywhere. I miss your kitty hugs/kisses from both of you since this is now Toulouse & Jasper's site.. I love you xxxxxxxx ( Jan 2, 2011)

Happy Birthday, my baby boy. Mommy misses both you & Jasper sooo much. Its hard coming here cause both you & your sister should be at home driving me crazy & fighting over your spot on the bed. Place is so empty without either of you. I hope the two of you are behaving yourselves and not getting into too much trouble. Have a good birthday & hope you find lots of goodies to eat...I love you both big time xxx (March 2, 2012)

So hard coming here cause I cry everytime I do. It was this time 2 years ago today that I came home from work to find my baby girl lying gone on my bed. First Toulouse the you, my baby girl Jasper. I can't do November 11th anymore. Both of you are so missed and I wish I could bring you back. The home is empty without the two of you. Jasper, I miss you licking my hand to death & Toulouse, well you were my food thief & snuggler. I miss the two of you waking me up in the middle of the night cause you were both fighting over the same spot on the bed. I miss you both so much..I love you two heaps ♥ ♥ ... can I also say THANK YOU to those who come here & send me messages. My apologies if I failed to respond, but am grateful for your kind words of support.(November 11, 2012)

Happy Birthday, Toulouse!! Mommy misses you sooo much, but hopes you are having a wonderful day and spending it with your sister. I miss you both & love you two heaps. Hope wherever you are that you are enjoying some watermelon & cheetos and maybe some french fries too! Thanks for your weekly visits in my dreams and for bringing your sister with you in your last appearance a few days ago. I love you & hope your 24th birthday is the best ♥ ♥ ♥ ( Saturday March 2, 2013)

5 years ago today, I had just left you at the hospital after saying goodbye to you, my precious little boy. I can still see your face as clear as if it was today when I walked into the surgery area and the staff members were holding your head up so I could say my goodbye to you. How can you say goodbye properly with staff you had never seen in your life holding you upright as mommy says goodbye. I left the hospital shattered and going home to your sister, Jasper. She never recovered from you leaving us and I hope the two of you are having fun together. The two of you still come to me in my dreams when I am feeling crappy or upset about something. I see you more than Jasper. You would think with Jasper passing away on my bed that I would see her lots too, but you, Toulouse was my mother hen. I miss you soo much and this home is not a home without both of you gone. I miss you stealing my food, ripping open bags of potato chips etc so you can have your share before I notice, snuggling up beside me when sleeping or giving me that annoyed look when I spend too much time on the computer. You probably know that I am using your photo of you hanging through the window of our old home as my Facebook profile pic. I try to change it, but can't--only when its time to remember Jasper so between the two of you, you are very visible to me & all. Wherever you are right now, please know mommy loves you sooo much and misses you more than words can say. I want you back with me and think its sucks that there isn't a way other than in dreams. I love you & Jasper soooo much. Be good <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ( Thursday December 19, 2013)

I haven't made an entry this past year cause missing you still hurts, but am grateful that when I am feeling low or upset about something, you both come to me in my dreams as recent as this morning. As you know grandpa passed away on Friday April 4th so this has been an extremely painful 6 months. My knee arthritis is causing so much pain these past few months and so worse this past month. I was woken up early this morning by the knee pain shooting up my leg...perhaps when I went back to sleep that was why you paid me a visit Toulouse. I know you guys aren't crazy about dogs, but if you come across a gorgeous Golden Retriever named Charlie who sadly made her appearance on Saturday October 11th, be extra nice to her cause her mommy is one of the best and you often heard me talk about her especially you, Jasper. Her mommy has been my rock and if it wasn't for her and a couple of other good friends that you know about, I would probably be with the two of you right now. Jasper, your anniversary of leaving me is coming up now in less than a month and its going to be so hard as it is every year especially since its on Remembrance Day/Veteran's Day. I will try to get back soon especially as I found more pictures to add below, but in the meantime, I hope you are having lots of fun and yes I still need the two of you to visit me whether as a ghost or in my dreams...I love you both so so much and missing you both beyond words <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 (Tuesday October 14, 2014)

Monday is the 9th anniversary of you leaving me, Jasper. I never stop missing both you and Toulouse. Life has been so empty without the two of you. I wish you were both still here with me. The only comfort I get are your visits to me in my dreams. Sometimes I remember your visits while other times I think you were there. I love you both so much ..the pain never goes away.it only gets worse. I love you Toulouse and Jasper more than anything or anyone. be good and have fun. ( Saturday November 9, 2019)

Hi Toulouse and Jasper! This has been a rough year and a half as you probably know. I have been home now for 513 days cause of covid and then sadly having to leave the hotel which broke me. I miss you both so much and would give anything to turn around and see you both curled up on the bed. You both still visit me when I am sleeping though it seems only when I really need you or am sick. The pain of losing you both never goes away. As you know Charlie's younger sister, Riley sadly joined the Rainbow Bridge last August and she was one of two furbabies that stole my heart after you two. Riley is so missed by her parents and family but hope she has found some new friends and reunited with her family members that are in the other realm now. I do not know what the future holds for me. I try so hard to stay upbeat, but not easy with all the struggles that I have going on. Toulouse, I was eating melon a couple of weeks ago and thought of you. Jasper, I miss you chasing after the coins then curled up beside me giving me a bath. ..lol . I will never ever forget you both and I hope one day that the three of us will be reunited again. I cannot even read my previous entries without crying. Please keep visiting me when I am sleeping. Jasper, you owe mommy a visit. I am trying to keep the entries to a minimum so please know now that I love you both more than my own life. I would give anything to turn back time just to spend some more minutes with you both. Be happy, play nicely and watch out for each other. Mommy loves you very much and misses you more than you will ever know. ( Monday August 16, 2021)

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