Stymey was the light of my life. I had him since he was 8 weeks old and he lived to be 16 years and 6 months but it wasn't nearly long enough for me. The world is gloomy, cruel, sad and lonely without my precious little "monkey" dog. He was my soul connection. He was the sweetest, silliest, hungriest, most patient and tolerant and best dressed little baby. As long as he was with his family he was happy and content. He would follow me wherever he could even if it was a danger to himself. Our house feels so empty without him and I can't remember how my life was prior to having him. Nothing feels right and a part of me died with him. |
He loved looking at Christmas lights and every year we took him to see light displays. He went on vacations with us, got spoiled with treats, clothes, blankets, and fancy name tags and collars. He won costume contests, even a best name contest and was in a doggie clothing catalog. He did a lot of long hikes with us in the 5 mile range including up to 8 miles with us on one trek. He slowed down in the last 2 years but could keep up on a 3 mile hike. Over one year he completed all 40 miles of trails with us at a local forest. He was allowed to join us on a retired battleship (dressed as a pirate). He had so many adventures with us and was always a little trooper and happy to be with us.
Food, Stymey loved food and would gorge himself on it if we would allow him to. When he started to not eat anymore in what would be his last few days, we feared the worst but I still was not prepared and thought he would recover. His favorite foods were under cooked steak, hot dogs, Peruvian chicken, ice cream, cake, Party Time cat treats and cheese. Though he would eat almost anything, except carrots and lettuce. You had to watch him around your food because he was fast to steal food off of your plate.
He also loved a pile of hot clothes from the dryer to snuggle up in and basking in any sliver of sunlight coming in the windows. When I came across a heated pet bed, I had to get it for him. I wish he had more time to enjoy that bed.
Every year he had a birthday party and we took him for a photo with Santa. He was the most human like dog there are was. Everyone who met him seemed to be in awe of how cute and sweet he was.
He made friends and followers on Facebook. People who never met him in person enjoyed his hikes, adventures and seeing him gobble down ice cream.
I regret not realizing how bad off he had become because he always tried to keep up with us. He was so healthy for so long that I didn't realize how bad his heart failure was becoming. I wish the vets would have given me more options for treatment or recommended taking him to a cardiologist, not just putting him on medication and wait for medicines to stop being effective for him.
I wish I could rewind time so we could get to relive his last few weeks and indulge him with everything he could have possibly wanted. We didn't know how little time we had left and kept living our daily lives of going to work and doing errands. I hate that I lost those precious moments with him and that we will never have time with him again.
My husband and I love him so very much today and forever. There is a void left by Stymey that will never be filled. Everything we do we will always be missing him and wishing he was there with us. I'm sure when we're in our elderly years we'll still be talking about him and missing him as badly as we do today.
We love you little baby and I hope you know we never wanted to let you go. We really tried to not even think about it because even the thought of it would get us upset. I hope you can see us and aren't in the misery you used to be in when you used to howl when we would leave you for hours or a couple days. I always said that feeling was from your soul and that one day I would feel that same agony except that you wouldn't be coming back home to us. We've made memorials for you and all of your pictures are around our home where you will always be a part of. Your daddy sure wanted to spend the upcoming summer cooking for you on the grill and I would have been planning your 17th birthday party for you soon. We'll do something in your honor for your birthday every year while we cry that you're not here to eat your cake and ice cream and open presents.
2/1/21- It's been 12 sad and lonely days without you Stymey but I still talk to you and call for you. I hope you're not scared and lonely and that Spirit welcomed you so you can at least have your sister with you. I hope you found your grandmom and that she's with you too. I cant take the thought of you being all alone and scared. Mommy and daddy wish you were here with us. You gave us so much love, smiles, laughs and hugs. You sure were the best hugger in the world. Nothing will ever be as great as a Stymey hug. I sleep hugging your Minka now and wishing she was you. I'll take good care of her for you, she has one of your collars and charms on now so she has a piece of you attached to her. We will love you forever and I really want to see you again. Please come for me when it's my time to leave this earth and I will run to you with the speed you used to tear through the house. Lots of love and billions of kisses to you monkey bean.
2/10/21- 3 weeks ago we were spending your final hours with us. It feels like you've been gone for an eternity already. Everyday has felt so long without you being here. 16 years flew by with you and now everyday drags. I still hope to see or hear you around the house but I haven't so I don't know if we will ever be together in the afterlife. Misty has been laying in your crate and I wonder if she misses you too. You were so very special to everyone who met you. You will always be in my heart and I will miss you every moment of everyday. Sending so much love to wrap you up in, I hope you can feel it.
2/14/21- Happy Valentine's day Stymey! Sending extra love, kisses and snuggles to you. Wish you were here to open presents, treats, eat some cupcake and some of Daddy's half raw steak. Holidays will never be the same without spending them with you, you made every day and holidays more special.
2/19/21- day 30 without you Stymey. Mama will never forget you or not miss you. I hope you're ok and not scared and lonely. I hope you are hanging out at home with us and know we are right where we last were with you and love and miss you as much as the day we were forced to say goodbye to you.
2/22/21- Hi little baby, I was sitting in our favorite chair today and found 2 chewies you had saved in there. Made me smile to find them but then cry because you had so many chewies and treats left that you didn't get the time to enjoy. I had a dream of you this morning that you were sleeping next to me. I hope that you really were and that you were visiting me this morning. We love and miss you and hope you are hanging out at home with us.
3/3/21- Hi sweet Stymey, this time 6 weeks ago, I still didn't know we would only have you for a few more hours. I'm so sorry that I didn't realize how sick you had become. You always bounced back and that was what I hoped what happen again. I never would have been ready for you to leave even if you had made it to 25 years old. I wanted you with me for the rest of my life. I will never forget you and think I will cry for you everyday no matter how long I'm on this planet without you. You made me a better person and I hope I was good enough for you. We adopted a new pup,he can never replace you but he loves his mama like you did and keeps me from being so sad all the time. I hope if you see him that you're not jealous. You know I never would have brought home another pup if you were here. You were always more than enough to fill my heart with so much love. Mommy and daddy love and miss you and talk about and to you everyday. Tons & tons of kisses and hugs and all my love to you Stymey ❤️
3/17/21- Hi sweet baby, I tried writing to you last week but the submission didn't take. It's not that I forgot about you. I couldn't forget you if I tried. You were a part of me, the best part of me. I don't know if you connected with the pet communicator last weekend. She said she reached you and that you stay on my shoulder and that you are always with me and that you're at peace. I hope that was you and that we will see and be with each other one day. Zillions and zillions of kisses and hugs to you little baby.
3/24/21- Hi little bean, 9 weeks without you but also 9 weeks closer to hopefully reunite with you one day. I always knew I would never be ready to let you go. I know you stayed as long as you could and you fought everyday your last few weeks to act like you were ok. I wish I had been more observant to what was happening and that the vet had given us options. I hope you know we wanted to do all we could to give you more time with us and pamper you instead of making you keep to the routines. I am so very sorry for the ways I feel like I failed you. My love for you keeps growing and will never fade 💘
3/31/21- Hi Stymey angel. I cried so much last night while missing you. I had a dream overnight that I was standing in the dog aisle at Walmart and a baby in a cart said "I'm here". I wonder if that was you letting me know you are here with me or my brain trying to soothe myself. I hope it was you coming to me to let me know you're still with me after these 10 miserable weeks.I was sad to print pictures because there were no new pictures of you this time and there won't be ever again. I printed pictures of your memorials I had made just so I could add something of you to the photo album. I love you with all of my heart and hope you are here with me like I heard in my dream.
4/7/21- Stymey baby, another week without you. 11 weeks that feel more like 11 years. The years we were together flew by and I didn't grasp how age and your heart took a toll on you. I never allowed you to slow down and take it easy. I'm so sorry that I always kept you on the go. I hope you're getting all the rest you missed out on in life. I wish I could send you presents, foods, treats, and blankets and soft pillows. I wish I could still do nice things for you and spoil you as you always deserved. Sending you the only thing I can, all of my love and blowing zillions of kisses to you 😘💕🥩
4/13/21-My sweet Stymey Bean, tomorrow will be 12 weeks since we were ripped apart & my heart ripped to shreds. I worry about you & that we might never be together in an afterlife. I know you fought with all of your strength to stay with me. I wish I had fought more for you in the end. I was scared you would have died alone at the vet's or in the house while we were sleeping or working and that you would have been terrified and in extreme pain. I didn't want to lose you that way. I never wanted to lose you under any circumstances! I'd love to have another dream of you, I miss you so much. I wear your ashes in a heart locket everyday and kiss your urn and baggie of your fur before bed every night.But I hate that I cremated your beautiful tiny body. I wish I had planned better so I could have kept your little body in tact and be holding you in a solid form. Learning to survive without you and having so many regrets is the worse thing I've ever been through. I hate this world without you. I just want to be with you. All of my love forever, your mommy.
4/21/21- 13 wks since I last held and kissed you. The world is forever changed without you. I've been hoping for another dream of you every night. So many things remind me of you. I hope you can forgive me for the times I left you for days and went on vacation without you while you cried your little heart out missing me. I wish I could take all of those days back and spent them with you instead. I hope you enjoyed your life and had all you needed. I look at so many pictures of you smiling, you didn't ask for anything of me except wanting to be with me. I'll never forgive myself for times I yelled and not taking it easier on you. You were a little trooper til the very last day. I can't forgive myself and not feel like I failed you. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I loved you and wanted to give you everything I could. I hope that was enough. You were an angel on earth. I love you so very much and always will 💕
4/28/21- Hi little baby, 14 weeks ago I still thought you would be ok. By 4 pm that day you were gone. I wish I could have done more for you and that you would have had more time at our new house. My life changed for the better the day I saw you in the pet store and changed for the worse 14 weeks ago. I believe you were an earth angel. You were with me through so much and you were the reason for me to keep going. I look for signs from you all the time and need to know you can see me and understand everything that happened during your life. But I don't know. Please know how loved and missed you are and give me signs if you can. Sending you
zillions of love and kisses ❤️😘
5/5/21- 15 wks have gone by and I don't know how I keep existing. You were supposed to still be alive for a few more years. I feel that you were cheated. You were so great and loving, the world needed you. Everyone people saw you they would saw "awww" and "look at that cute dog" and ask about you and want to touch you. You were always so nice about it and brought so many smiles to everyone. I just have your memories and pictures but not my sweet Stymey. I never stop thinking about you and hoping you're ok,understand everything and know how much you are still loved and adored and always will be. I really hope to be with you again one day, I hope our goodbye was not forever. Sending all my love to you at all times. I keep some of your ashes close to my heart with the thought that I'm keeping you attached to me and with me ❤️
5/12/21- 16 weeks that feel like an eternity. Last week I saw a red orb float up from the bed next to me and I think that might have been you visiting me while I was sleeping. If that was you, I hope your soul isn't restless and that you're at peace and you were laying with me for comfort and knowing you are always able to be at home with me. I can't believe I was lucky enough to have such a beautiful and sweet baby as you Stymey. I fell in love with you the instant I saw you and most of my heart died the moment you left my world. This week we're on our first RV trip without you but I brought your ashes and urn so you could still be here with us in some way. Nothing is the same without you.Love and miss you with all of my heart ❤️😘
5/19/21- Hi Stymey baby.17 weeks, 4 months and one week of living without you.I'm adapting but it still sucks and always will. Just nothing I can do to change it or have you back. Hope you forgive me for not treating you better at times. I hate life, never hated you. Because you were with me you got the brunt of my anger and misery which you never should have.I'll always love and miss you and hope we will be together again ❤️. All of mommy's love forever.
5/26/21- Hi little baby.18 wks. Where does the time go? Just like 16 and a half years went by in the blink of an eye. I wonder if you have energy and thoughts in another realm and if you are aware of what happened. I fear you're just dead and there is nothing left of you but my memories. If I could do anything to bring you back, I would and if the vet had given me any hope or chance that you would have survived a procedure, I would have done it to give you even a little more time with us. I feel like I gave up on you and I hate that. You deserved to have been fought for more. I just don't know if your weak, little body and enlarged heart would've survived any type of procedure because of all the things that were happening to you that I didn't understand at the time. Again, my fault and I'm so very sorry. I used to think I took great care of you but I blew it at the end. For what it's worth I always loved you from the moment I saw you and always will love you and hope we can be reunited one day sooner than later. I hold Minka every night as I go to sleep and she has one of your old colors and tag with your picture on it that I kiss every night. Sending you zillions and zillions of snuggles, hugs and kisses and all of my love 😘❤️
6/2/21- Hi sweetheart. 19 wks have passed and time is separating is more every day and I hate it. I try to look at it as time that is going to being me close to being with you someday but I don't know what happens after we die. I might not even be aware of you much less us be together again. We had so many years and memories but I think of all the times I neglected you and took you for granted. I remember how soft your fur was especially your cute little cheeks and how it felt to pat your little leg and how you would hug me. Always said your hugs were the best feeling in the world. Nothing else as amazing as a Stymey hug! I hope you know how much mommy loved your hugs and you ❤️. Sending all my love, hugs and kisses to you always and forever😘❤️
6/9/21- 20 weeks/ 5 months since you've been gone and it's not right that life goes on without you. I look at pictures of you everyday. Haven't had any dreams or any signs that could be from you lately and that makes me sadder and worry more about you. I don't like seeing your ashes because I shouldn't have had you cremated , you should have been preserved and intact even though your soul wouldn't be in your tiny body. You still deserved to be seen and I could hold your body and that part of you would still be here with me. But when I die, I want my ashes mixed with yours so at least our ashes will be together. That might be the only way for us to be connected again. I love you with all of my heart, soul and every fiber of my being. You were my soul connection and I'll always love and miss you ❤😭😘