My dearest Stewie |
It has taken me almost 3 weeks to come to terms with you being gone from my side and your home.
The last 2 months have been the worse of my whole life. You were only 11 years old and I never expected you to leave me so soon. My heart is broken in a million pieces and I cry every day. I cannot even walk outside to look at where I buried you . Today I miss you more then ever and I feel like a weight is hanging over me, I cannot think about anything but missing you so much. I miss you sleeping next to me and when I woke up there you were staring at me with such love. Oh My dearest loving Stewie if I could just have you one more day next to me, if I could just pet you, and feel you purr next to me.
You were my most special of ail my kitties ever, you were my big bobbie boy my pop up boy. The most lovable and kindest spirit. Oh I miss you and I love you soooooooooooo much.
The day first I saw you on January 10, 2004 I was so taken by how different you were then any other cat I ever saw. Then you just kept staring at me but I was not ready for a new kitty since my Starlight died in Oct 2003. You touched me in a way that no other cat ever did. I adored you from the first moment I saw you. Then I went in the restroom crying because I missed my Starlight so much but could not think of another cat at the time. A kind lady saw me crying and began to speak to me about the death of my Star. That lady I never saw her again but indeed she was the light that day that talked me into letting myself love a new baby kitty again. THAT WAS YOU.
I ran back to the table where Caroline had you and announced to her that I wanted you and there you were staring at me. My darling Stewie you choose me I have never had another cat chose me, but you did choose me with this big blue soulful eyes. Years later when ever I thought or talked about that day I first saw you and You kept staring at me I knew why ,
I AM HEARTBROKEN I MISS YOU EVERYDAY!!!!! Life is just not happy anymore.
Then I get angry and wonder why you were taken from me, you were only 11 years old and you were never sick ,never a sick cat , never a problem always a joy, always a love, always always my darling baby boy.
Then on Oct 2014 4 weeks after your 11th birthday I brought you to the vet you looked like you were getting a bit thin maybe you lost a pound or 2 so I brought you to the doctor. That was the beginning of a month long nightmare. You were diagnosed in 3 hours with Lymphoma Cancer. The Cancer curse.
There is NO HOPE!!!! The doctor told me you had maybe a month to live!!!!!! This cannot be, this is a bad dream, this cannot be this is a nightmare, this is a shock, this is the worse thing. How can my Stewie be dieing he is only 11 so happy so healthy he is my darling.
My Stewie was given a month to live. How could this be we were so so happy together, the best live we had now, you me and Maisie your little sister. You loved her Stewie we got her just for you. What are we going to do...... I am just dying toooooo...... just a little more every day since you left me on Nov 21 2014.
It will be a month soon that your gone and this Christmas well I just wish it would all go away, so i can be alone and cry, I miss you so much and I am crying just as much today as the day you died. I clearly miss you just so much.... my life is not happy with out you Stewie and I am not getting over you being gone.
I miss you just so much, I miss holding you, I miss seeing you next to me on the chair in the kitchen, I miss you Stewie, I love you more then anything else in my life. You are my baby boy and I will never get over you being gone. I feel somedays like I have died too and little pieces of me are ripped away.
I try to love Maisie and I do but she is not you, and I hate for her to see me cry, but I cannot stop crying somedays. I feel like a bad mother to her because Stewie I wish it was you here, and then I feel like maybe you thought I did not love you anymore cause we got her and I played with her.
But Stewie I loved you more then I have loved any other cat I have had ever and losing you at only 11 years old, so suddenly is truly the worse thing that ever happened to me that ever happened to us.
Today is a terrible day I have cried all day long so I finally knew I had to write your memorial here. I had to find a way to think about the pain of losing you to make a special place for me to go to be next to you. Sometimes knowing your in the ground outside my door in our beautiful years is just to hard for me to accept. so I have you here my darling Stewie here at the Rainbow Bridge you and Ali are here and I can visit you here and look at your pictures and remember all our joy together.
I will never forget your beautiful soft fur, your amazing soulful eyes and the special cuddles where you kept pushing closer and closer to me. I would give anything to have you next to me right now.
OHHHHHHHH how I wish you would be next to me tomorrow morning when I wake up like we used to do everyday.
You are gone and something of me died the day you died. I wish we could all be happy like we were before, our happy little family you me and Ali Cat then she died but then we waited 6 months after Ali left us and we were so sad so we got Maisie. Then it was you it was you and me and Maisie and You were such a wonderful big brother to her she loved playing with you. That is over now forever and ever and to think that the happiness you gave me is over is just unbearable. Now it is me and Maisie but she is not you and I miss you so much.
I love you Stewie if I could only hold you one more time I would give my life for that. I want to kiss you, to hug you, to tell you I love you. to sing to you, to watch you staring at me once again, to feel those beautiful eyes looking at me, looking through my soul healing me with the love you had for me always.
There will never be a love like yours Stewie Never I ADORE YOU STEWIE
So now you are with Alexis your sister who would have thought you would die only 18 months after her.
We all had such a happy life together with her and now my life is Unbearable. I wish we were all together my Ali and my Stewie and those happy years and times are gone. You and your older sister Ali Cat are together now and I hope in a beautiful place and if I could only believe in miracles (which I do not now since you died and I prayed for a miracle for you) then maybe I would know that somehow someday I would get to love you both again and pet you both again and we would have our happy world back again. Alas it is all over.
Life sucks without You both and I miss you so much. Love your Mom & Maisie ( we will try to love without you Stewie but everyday I see you and think of you in hour home.