My baby boy Whiskey, how I will miss your smell. How I will miss how you buried your head in my chest, how you sighed, how you nickered. Now you are pain free and I am pain filled. |
You came to live with us when you were 3. Coming with a history that included hurting a trainer really badly, a stitch in your tummy and a previous owner that hated you. You were a bad horse. Yeah, right! I knew the moment I walked by your stall and you buried that beautiful head against my chest, nickered and looked into my eyes that you and I were meant for each other. I knew when I looked into those kind, gentle eyes that I had met my soul mate dressed in beautiful sorrel hair.I will never forget that day.
For 20 years you have held my heart. For 20 years not a hoof was lifted at us. For 20 years, you would pull funny antics, like stealing gloves from a back pocket and take off running tossing them in the air. For 20 years, you would put your head on my chest and sigh, you have always nudged me over with your head, even on your last night with us. Your soft nickers, your gentle sweet soul, your funny funny spirit, your love of life, love of your mare, love of your home, love of us, nothing or no one would ever compare to you! I always felt so safe in your care, that I would have laid down beneath you.
You always came up behind me, breathing on my neck. And today at work, you did that, didn't you? I felt you, I felt your warm strong breath. And I knew then that you were OK. Right before you left me, I told you not to ever leave my side, and today you let me see that you have not left me. I am so greatful for that my boy, so greatful! Thank you for coming to me!
I can picture you finally running with your mare Lacy. Oh how I would love to have seen that reunion!
It is so wrong here at Lone Cedar Farm. 8 acres of beautiful lush sweet green grass and not a horse in sight. I feel so empty, so lost. I don't want to look out the window at an empty pasture, I don't want to go outside because then I am surrounded by that empty pasture. I don't want to look out the back window at an empty barn. I don't want to walk into an empty barn.
An old indian saying is that a horse's spirit never leaves his owner. Promise me that is true.
8/9/10 I humbly accept your gift to me. This proves that you know my thoughts. I will cherish it as long as I live. My baby boy, I will love you forever.
8/10/10 It's been a week since you left me. How will I get through another?
8/28/10 I visit daily, yet can hardly speak, let alone write. I visit your empty barn and just sit and cry. I don't know how to carry on without you. I am so lost my baby boy.
9/2/10 A bad storm is coming to the coast Whiskey. Please go down and guide the wild horses to a safe place. The wild ponies on Shackleford banks, Ocracoke and Carova. Many new babies. Lead them to the thickest oaks for protection. I know they know how to take care of themselves, but I'll feel better knowing you are helping them.
9/3/10 One month. How could that be? I've had your halter by my side for the past month. Today I hung it up in the barn. The barn is so big and so empty and so awful without you there my boy. I miss you so bad, my heart is daily still breaking. How could it break anymore when it's already in a million pieces? And yet it continues to break over and over and over again.
10/1/10 You'd be so happy Whiskey. The fence you wanted down for 20 years is now down. Completely open to next door. You have the 4 geldings & 1 mare here on your land grazing peacefully. I just feel so bad that it couldn't happen before you left us. The view will be pretty, but would be much nicer if you were part of the scenery. I miss you my sweet baby boy. I always will!
1/22/11 My spirit, my very soul echo's the emptyness where you once lived. The pain never goes away. I miss you so bad. I don't think I realized how deeply you lived inside of me, inside of my very core. May God's blessings follow you wherever you go into eternity my precious baby boy.
2/20/11 I awake looking for you in the pasture. Before darkness falls, I check to see if maybe you are there. You took my heart with you when you left me, precious boy. Perhaps that is where it should be. With you. It's useless here without you. My sweet baby boy. I miss you terribly. I love you deeply still. I will never forget you, and I will take my love for you to my grave with me.
4/25/11 Happy Birthday to my sweet baby boy. You would have been 24 today and oh, how I miss you. We used to discuss how gorgeous you still looked into your 20's. I'm sure if you were still with me you'd still be a beauty as always, but somehow knowing where you are this minute, I'll bet your current beauty is something to behold. My precious boy, I still hope you will visit me when you can. I miss you so, and will always, always, always love you deep inside my heart!
8/3/11 How is it possible that a year has gone by? The pain is still so fresh in my heart and doesn't let up. I function daily, but you are always there with me, beside me, close to me inside.