Stephie, you sat at the back of the cage at the shelter back in July 1997, all rolled up in a ball with your nose stuffed into your little paw. You were only 2 1/2 months old and I fell in love with you right then and there. They took you out of the cage and I held you in my arms and looked into your beautiful baby eyes and knew you were the one for me. You shook all over being so afraid, but I comforted you with kisses and words of love. I took you home that night although I was not prepared to have a "baby" in the house. You kept me up all night crying in your bed and wanting attention. I finally had to come get you and put you in bed with me and that's how it was ever since. You were always in my bed, next to me cuddled up. You learned quick to let me know when you had to go outside and grandpa and grandma just spoiled you to death. You learned at a very early age how to get out of your kennel after grandpa came to check on you and I found you running to greet me at the door. I will never forget those days. |
No matter where I went and I had to leave you at home, you always welcomed me with happy barks and lots of kisses and your whole body shaking with excitement and joy that I was home once again. Even when you were naughty, I still loved you and gave you hugs and kisses. When grandpa got sick and went to heaven, you were there to comfort me and soak up my tears of sadness. You were my best bud. When you had to have surgery on your hind knees, I felt so bad for you, but you made it through those times and I stayed by your side through all of it as you stayed by my side through all my sadness and pain.
When you got sick at the end of July 2008, I thought it was your tummy, I never thought it would be your heart. You had such a big heart, giving everyone all the love you could. To find out you had a tumor in your heart wall was the most devastating news I could have heard. I thought we were doing okay after the doctor drained your heart sac and you were able to breathe again and talk walks, but then it started filling up again and you were having a hard time and each time we started to take a walk, you went alittle ways and then turned around and looked at me and almost wanted to say "can we go home momma? I am too tired to walk". I would lift you up and put you back in the car and take you home and we would just sit and talk to each other, or at least I would talk and you would listen. I knew you were hurting and could not find a place that could help you the way I wanted.
August 11, 2008, I took you for a second tapping of your heart sac and you were never right after that. You had complications that I was unaware of until we went to the Arboretum View on Aug. 13th in Downers Grove. They took more xrays and found you had fluid in your chest cavity, putting pressure on your lungs and more on your heart. You were also very anemic and now surgery was not a very good choice as you may not make it through the operation. I was again devastated and so was your Aunie Kathy who came with me as support.
Aug. 13, After about 2-1/2 hrs, I knew what I had to decide, but I did not want to let them take you away from me. It seemed you were having a hard time breathing and struggling for every breathe, my baby, and it broke my heart into pieces, although looking at you that night you would have never guessed it. I talked to you and held you for as long as I could listening to your heart and feeling it beat against my arm. I cried into your fur and I am not sure if you knew what was happening or not. I think you did as you seemed to be crying too, as your eyes were watering. I asked for more kisseys and you gave me them to me and I kissed you right back. I knew that I had to say goodbye to you this night and let you go, but I did not want to. I just wanted to hold you forever. I held your head in my arm and wrapped my other arm around your chest and held on tight and cried and cried and cried. When I felt your heart stop beating, I think my heart died at that time as well. The doctor then said "she's gone mommy" and that was it, you were gone my precious. I broke down even more and did not want to let you go. I laid on the floor next to you with you in my arms and cried like I never cried before. I wanted to hold you forever and ever now that you were gone. I wanted you back. I did not get much sleep for several nights after that. I cry every night and every day for you because I miss you so much.
August 18, 2008, I picked up your ashes today. They also took a paw print of your actual paw in clay and gave it to me with your name on it as well. I need to bake it and have I will then have it as a keepsake along with your ashes.
I am crying as I am writing this because now with your ashes back in my home, it seems so final and not just a dream that I can wake up from. You are truly gone from my life in your earthly form. But I hope that your spirit is out there somewhere and I pray you can find your way back to me to assure me that you are okay and send hugs and kisses to me and I will send them right back to you. I kiss your picture every night before I go to bed and every morning when I wake up. I hope you find someway to let me know that you are watching over me at night when I sleep.
Take care my precious Stephie, I will always love you and will never ever forget you. You are always on my mind.
Aug. 26th, it has been 13 days since you crossed over to the Bridge and it feels like yesterday. Always thinking of you my precious. Mommy loves you so much, kiss, kiss.
9/13/08 - One month ago you left me my precious Stephie and I still cry for you at night, I miss you so much, my heart is broken. I love you my Stephie, please forgive me for what I did. Be happy and healthy at RB. Come visit me again soon. I need you.
7/20/09 - Stephie, I renewed your memorial today and I can't believe you have been gone for almost 1 yr already.I still miss you like it was yesterday.I wish I could see you again my baby, to hold and kiss and cuddle.I kiss your pictures, ashes, and paw print every night.Take care my baby,Mommy loves you and misses you so so much, kiss, kiss.
10/27/10-Stephie I think of you constantly. Your memorial has been renewed for another year. Can't believe you have been gone for 2 years already. I still miss you so very very much. My days are not the same without you.I still kiss your pictures, paw print and ashes every night.I talk to you everynight too and blow you kisses, I hope you get them.Miss you Stephie. Luv, Mommy.
7/27/11 - Stephie I still miss you so so much. Mommy still cries for you. Renewed your memorial today. It has been 3 years now, almost to the date that you got sick, it still hurts so much. Stay well my baby and I will see you soon. Mommy.
8/18/2011-Stephie, 3 years ago today I picked up your ashes, still can't believe you are gone, I still miss you everyday more than ever. Happy Anniversary my baby. Love you so much. MommyXOXO
7/23/12-Stephie, received the reminder to renew your memorial, Still miss you LOTS sweet baby..tears still flow when I think of you and visit you. Love you...
7/22/13,Stephie your memorial will be rewewed for another year.I will not stop renewing for as long as I live.I miss you soso much my precious baby!I will never stop missing you or loving you.
8/13/13, Stephie it has been 5 yrs since you left this world and crossed to the Bridge. I still miss you so very much.Someday we will be together and I look forward to that day!
8/13/15, 7 yrs you have been gone. I cannot believe it.Still miss you so so much. Someday we will be together.Love you.