Oh Slater, my heart aches for you. You had the biggest, brightest, most expressive eyes I have ever seen. |
I came in to feed everyone tonight and found you on the floor; you were gone. I stood there paralyzed until your brother Skylar tapped on my leg. He seemed so confused--I had to sit down with him and hold him while petting you at the same time. He is blind, as you know, so I am not sure how he was handling this, or if he had watched you pass. I had to hold back from breaking down, as I did not want to upset him further; it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I am barely able to type this through the tears, as the pain is all being released now.
I can only hope you went quickly and without pain or fear, but will never know. I can only guess it was your heart, as there was fluid from your mouth. The only blessing is that I have always asked God that when it is time for any of you to go, that he takes you in your sleep so you don't have to suffer from the stress of strangers, hospitals, and treatments. So I guess the way he took you today was the next best thing. Since it is the night before Thanksgiving, for that I must be grateful.
Since you were such a big boy, and Skylar is in that suite, I did not attempt to move you alone; I just didn't think I could bear it. Dr. Jarvis is on her way to help me get you ready to go to the crematory, and your remains will be put next to your mom, Ellie, at home.
I can't type much more now, as I just can't continue through the tears, but will be back later to write your story. I love you baby and I'm so sorry you had to go, but hope you are playing with your mom now. Love and light baby boy. XOX
As I said earlier, I've always asked God to take you guys peacefully in your sleep when it was your time, so I have to believe this was a very close answer to my prayers. Although I'll never know if you suffered or struggled at all, and that is killing me, I have to remember that your passing could have been preceded by a long, drawn-out illness, and I am grateful it was not.
Just like many of your buddies, you started your life at the farm--you were the first litter of kittens that Ellie had. As I look back and remember that you had some health issues even as a young boy, I realize I was blessed to have you for 13 years. You were funny, tough, sweet, and cunning, all at the same time, with the biggest, brightest eyes ever--they were almost human. You then came to my new home almost 8 years ago, and I'm hoping you had a good life here, with your run-out pens, kitty poles and beds, and even your own radio and television. My goal was to always make all of you feel safe, secure, and loved, and I hope you always did.
You were one of the many of our crew who were too feral and fearful of people to have anyone come near you except for me. Over the past year, you needed some penicillin for your tooth and did so good when our vet came to help you. Of course, the first time you were not happy, but you really did well considering your past and I was so proud of you and hope you know that.
It was so tough tonight when I went to get the dishes ready for dinner, as of course, I set yours out on the counter next to Skylar's. I stopped, put it away, and started to cry. It seems like just yesterday that your mom left also and I felt so empty. But I saw the other dishes sitting there and realized the others still need me, so I had to keep going. Skylar didn't want to eat at first---it broke my heart. I've been checking him every hour and he is certainly feeling your loss. Please be there with him in spirit to help him get through this. Even though you would kick him out of your favorite bed, he really loved you a lot, and it's already so obvious he's depressed. Please be with him baby.
We had so many memories from the farm and here, and I will never forget you. Please take care of your mom as I've asked her to do with you as well. May you be healthy and youthful again. I love and miss you. Love and light to you baby boy. XOX
Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in Heaven.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure
Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven
'Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven,,,,,,
I hope you are with your mom, and that maybe you've even seen your human grandpa from the farm. I love and miss you so much, and hope you are at peace and pain free. Love and light baby boy. XOX
2/13/14: Hi baby boy. I wanted you to know that one of your barn mates, Comet, went to the bridge on 2/11/14. I hope you and your mom Ellie were able to meet him there. He will be lonely, as he was very close with his sister Lucky, just like you were with Skylar, so please comfort him if you can. I just was starting to cope with your passing, and then Comet had to go as well. But I realize I had you both for almost 14 years, and that is a lot of love and laughs to share. Miss and love you very much. Love and light baby. XOX
11/26/14: Hi baby boy,,,technically tomorrow will be one year you have been gone, but you passed the day before Thanksgiving, so for me, today is one year. As I'm sure you know, there have been a lot of challenges going on here, and I could not bear the pain of visiting you, Ellie, and Comet's pages as often as I wanted. But as you know, I spoke to you guys almost every day. As you also must know, your brother Skylar still to this day cries out for you, and I know you have been here many times to comfort him. Please come to him tonight if you can---his blindness makes him even more lonely I think. I can only have faith God will get us through all this and keep us all together. As I tell all the group---"you are my heart"---know that you will always be a part of that as well, regardless of whether I can see you or not. I love and miss you buddy,,,,Love and Light baby boy XOX
11/26/15: Hi my sweet boy,,,,as above, you passed away the day before Thanksgiving, and today is that day,,,two years since you've been gone. It amazes me that at times, time can go so slow, yet at other times, like now, it seems to have flown by and it feels like just yesterday I was able to look into your big, beautiful, expressive eyes,,,,oh, how I miss that. And of course, Skylar misses you too,,,,,I'm sure you know that he still to this day cries out, and I know it's for you. He has health issues too besides his blindness, but for the most part he is doing okay, but I can tell he misses you terribly. Please visit him as often as you can. I want so badly to hug you and give you kisses on your head, and hope you feel them coming from my heart. I hope you're happy, healthy, and at peace where you are. I love and miss you baby boy,,,,,love and light XOX.
1/3/16: Hi baby boy,,,,Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I'm sorry I was unable to sign on at Christmastime---as I'm sure you know, there were a lot of bad things happening and it was not a good time. But as you know, your stocking was up and I was thinking about you and your mom and Comet at the Bridge.
11/27/16: Hi baby boy. Today it has been 3 years since you went to the bridge,,,,my God it still feels like yesterday. As you know, Skylar has never fully recovered from losing you---he still to this day howls for you. I hope at those times when you are not busy playing in the field, that you come and purr near him to comfort him. I try to do that by his ear in hopes it soothes him, which most of the time it seems to help him, but nothing can replace him feeling you are there. He so loves you and misses you.
I am not sure if you have seen him yet, but your cousin Onyx also went to the bridge recently. He had become diabetic and the vet also felt he had CHF. I found him on the floor at dinnertime,,,it was horrible. Please go to him and guide him to your group,,,he is a very timid boy and could certainly use your comfort and guidance. You were always a leader and I know you would be good at that :)
I am not sure how grieving works, but it's been three years since I lost you and even right now I still feel your loss so strongly. Please know I love you with all my heart and am so grateful for the time you shared with me. Love and light baby boy,,,,XOX
12/25/17: Merry Christmas baby boy,,,I just wanted you to know that a candle has been lit for all of you in your resting place to honor your lives and that your spirit lives on. I love and miss you every day,,,,Love and Light my baby boy,,,,XOX
1/1/18: Hi Slater,,,my sweet boy,,,today is New Year's Day and I came on to write on Jettie's page, as today is the day he passed two years ago. But I wanted to visit you and let you know how much I miss you every day, and that no matter how it happens, or how long goes by, the pain of your loss is still there with a hole in my heart that will never mend. But I am learning more and more to focus on all the love and happiness you gave me for so many years, instead of remembering the sad day of loss, as it is your life that deserves the attention and honor, not your passing. I hope you can feel the big hug and kiss I'm sending you,,,I'll love and miss you always,,,,Love and Light sweet baby boy,,,XOX
5/27/18: Hi my big baby boy,,,,today is one year since Precious left and I came on to write for her anniversary and wanted to say hello to you and everyone. Oh how I miss your human eyes my big bear! You were such a toughie but had such a sweet heart underneath all that. As you know, your brother Skylar has been fighting a lot of health issues, so please come to him and comfort him, as he still walks around crying out for you even after all this time. Boy how he misses you! I hope you are happy and well, and please know you will always be in my heart. Love and Light baby boy,,,,XOX
9/29/18: Hi guys,,,,I came out just to say hello to all of you, as I feel you so much in the sunroom lately, and Precious--I feel you in Thomas' eyes every time he looks at me. I miss you all SO much,,,,every one of you had something so unique,,, and I remember everything we shared together and how you made me feel so lucky to be able to care for you. Please be with me now, as I'm sure you know I am fighting for the rest of us here and our home, and I need all the love and strength you can send. Always know how much you all mean to me, and how much I love and miss you every single day. Tears flow, but through them I try to smile by remembering all the good years of love and laughs and fun. All of you will forever be in my heart. Love and Light babies,,,,XOX
11/27/18: Hi my big, beautiful boy. Today is 5 years since you left, and I still cannot believe it. As I'm sure you know, I just lost Thomas last month and it's so unreal how five years have gone by, yet I still see you in your pen with Skylar just as clearly as I see Thomas everywhere. Oh how I miss your SO big, beautiful eyes and your perfectly round face :) I truly hope you know how much you were loved, and that someday we may all see each other again. I hope you are with your brother Skylar and have helped him transition, as he just went to the bridge a few months ago. And I hope you're happy with him like you were when you guys were here together. And always make sure to let your mom Ellie know how much you love her. It is soooo hard losing each and every one of you, because all of you had special qualities that just took my heart,,,,you, my baby, with your beautiful eyes and tough little attitude,,,,I miss you so much Slater. Hugs, kisses, Love and Light baby boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOX