It's has been eighteen days since Mommy and I had to say goodbye to you. Our hearts are still heavy with a sorrow that seems to have no end. We still look for you when we come home and your ritual of getting your "squeak squeak" to play fetch and or catch with me. You would always bring it back and would hit it with your nose back to me when I said "give it to me", you were so smart. You loved your "squeak squeaks" and you made them squeak until you broke the squeaker. You knew we would bring another one home to you. I remember very well the night I brought you home with me, a 200 mile trip, just you and me. You were so tiny you fit in the pocket of my sweat suit jacket. When I stopped for a hamburger, you stuck your head out at the counter and immediately became the center of attention for everyone around me. You were such a cute baby. You stole your Mommy's heart the first time she saw you and started a love affair that will live in her heart until she can hug you again. You would always let us know when you were in a loving mood when you gave us "neck" as we called it. You would lay your head on our neck and hold us down until we loved and kissed on you. You were so strong, I could hardly breathe at times. I fussed at you, but you knew I loved it. I should have bought stock in the milkbone company, as much as you loved them. The large box never lasted very long and your Momma spent an awful lot of time sweeping up the crumbs (which she misses doing now). I am having a really hard time not calling your brothers by your name, I just can't believe you are gone. You were taken from us so quickly. One day you seemed fine and within a month and a half you were gone. We tried everthing that Dr. Austin thought might help but your problems were too much for medicine to cure. Your Mommy held you and caressed you when you had your spells, until they got so bad you didn't know who was holding you. We knew then that we had to let you go, but still held on, hoping for a miracle, that we knew in our heart would never come. I took you to Dr. Austin with tears in my eyes and a broken heart. The doctor gave us some quiet time together so I could hold you, caress you and kiss you and tell you how much Mommy and I loved you. Mommy wanted to be with you, but just couldn't bear the grief that had overwhelmed her. She told me to tell you how much she loved you and to kiss you for her. I hope you understood why she couldn't come. I felt that somehow I had failed you when I couldn't find a way to make you well. All I could find to say to you was "I'm so sorry Scrappy, I'm so sorry" as I loved on you and petted your shiny coat. Looking at you, I just couldn't believe you were so sick that I had to let you go. You tried to make "me" feel better by trying to lick me one last time. I looked into your big brown eyes and knew that you could feel my sadness, you were so smart. Dr. Austin had grown to love you as he cared for you and felt so bad that he couldn't heal you. I held you and petted you and hoped that you felt my love and were comforted as I watched you slip away. Even after you had crossed over the rainbow bridge, I couldn't stop petting you and talking to you, wishing that you would wake up and go home with me. Your Mommy misses you hogging the bed and snuggling up to her at night. Your brother "Peanut" misses you so much, even though you did aggravate him all the time. The first few times when he came back into the house and you weren't behind him, he would sit at the door and whine, waiting for you to show up. He had little tears in his eyes and seems so lost without you. Mommy went and picked up your ashes tonight and it feels so good to have you back home. I saw a shadow go across the doorway inside our bedroom tonight and after accounting for your two brothers, I told Mommy that you were home. Or maybe I just miss you so badly that I wanted to see you there. But Mommy and I do feel comfort in having a part of you back home. You were always such a timid dog and never liked to be left alone, so we made the decision to bring you back home. You always stayed beside me at night when I had time to go on the computer and I miss you beside me tonight. We know that you are no longer in pain and your fear of being alone is gone. You are probably enjoying the company of "Sugar" and "Noonie" our two beloved cats who went before you. Know that Mommy and Daddy love and miss you very much and look forward to the day we will be reunited at the "rainbow bridge". 12/31/07 Hi sweet man, mommy wanted to tell you how very much I miss and love you. Mommy's heart aches so much, maybe one day smiles will flow as easily as the tears do now. If it is true what they say, the colors in the Rainbow becomes much brighter with tears, you must have a very bright and pretty rainbow. Mickey, don't be affraid without mommy, the angels will take very good care of you, just think NO MORE thunder or fireworks. Happy New Year baby man and mommy and daddy sends lots of hugs and kisses. Mommy took you to Dr. Austin when you started having your spells and he tried to make you better. I held you and told you everything was ok, but baby I saw the pain in your sweet little eyes and I knew it wasn't ok. The last one you had you didn't know mommy was there I could see the fear in your face. Please try to understand I didn't want to let you go but mommy didn't know if you were in pain. Dr. Austin said you had a tumor on your brain and the reason you were drinking alot was because of Cushings Disease and thats when I knew that as much as I wanted you with me, I wasn't going to let you suffer, please understand Mickey mommy let you go because she loves you. Oh God I hope I did the right thing, there is a large hole in my heart that hurts so so bad I know if you were here you would give me litte angel kisses and it would be ok. Big hugs and kisses. See you in my dreams. I will love you forever, wait for me at the bridge my love. 01/09/08 Happy Birthday Scrappy, this is the first time in nine years that you haven't celebrated with us. Momma sends her love. We miss you very much. I hope you got a new squeak squeak today from your new friends. Daddy. 03/10/08 Hi baby boy, it's been 3 mths since we had to say goodbye, it still feels like yesterday for mom. I miss you Mickey. Kisses and hugs. Mommy. 06/10/08 Hi Mickey, it's been 6 mths. since you went to the bridge, mommy hopes you have made lots of friends. We love and miss you so much. Kiss and hugs my sweet boy. 12/08 Sweet Mickey in a few days you will have been gone 1 yr., Mom and Dad still miss you everyday. I hope you have made new friends by now a buddy to share your bones with. Baby boy mommy still misses you so much and still cry every time I look on the mantle where your ashes are along with one of your favorite toys. Mommy will be back in a few days to visit. Kiss and big hugs, see you in my dreams little angel. 03/09 Hi sweet boy, I know you met your brother at the bridge. Mommy told Peanut that you would be there waiting for him on 02/16, brother's little heart couldn't take it any longer, mommy and daddy sent him to you. Mommy's heart is still breaking for both of my babies, but I know you both are happy, take care of each other and tell Peanut we love and miss him. I love you both very much.

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