The first time I saw you, it was the end of November in 2008, you were barely 8 weeks old. You were shivering like a mouse, but the moment I opened my arms and called you to come, you came, just like that. I fell in love with you right away. I knew from that moment on, you are my baby. Driving you back home, I was holding you the whole way and you didn't stop shaking. I know, you were not sure what life was ahead of you. |
After just a few days, holding you in my arms to sleep was the only way I figured out to keep you safe at night. For how long, I don't remember exactly, maybe a few months? You and me and your big brother PP were all sleeping on the floor. That was sweet memories for everybody. During that few months, I would come back home every two or three hours everyday from work to take you out. You were a stubborn little boy, it wasn't that easy to finally convince you not to mess up in the house. Sometimes, I wanted to get angry, but the way you looked at me melt my heart, how could I even be angry at you? I also remember I was so proud of you when you learned how to "sit", "high five", "shake" hands after a few pet smart puppy lessons. You even knew how to roll over and play dead, you were super smart! We ran in the parks, we watched tv together every night, we even visited China twice! Walking on the Great Wall, did you like it? Hiking in the hot summer nights in Beijing, did you enjoy it?
Moving to Nebraska in 2011, your life changed in some way. No longer having the privilege of staying on the same bed with me, were you mad at me? Maybe, but I knew you loved me the same. You jumped to me every single time I came back home, you always gave me kisses whenever I was with you. The only thing you wanted was to be with me: when I was working in the house, I could find you within three steps; when I was working in the yard, you would scream to get out to watch out for me; when I was watching tv, the best place you liked to stay was my laps.
This past summer, we moved to California. I really had a dream that, when we settle down, I would build you a house, for you own, in the yard. I promised you and myself, when your human brother grows up a little bit, I would let you guys play balls together in the yard. I thought I would have many chances to make it up for you, making up the past three years that I was not doing my best for you. I thought we finally have the weather that is always good to walk, I was mistaken, so mistaken. December 16, I came back home early with a plan of cleaning the car then taking you for a long walk. I took you out of the house, I thought I was monitoring you while working on the car, I was so wrong, I regreted it so much: why would I let you go off leash? Why, why? I heard a car, I didn't want to think it was you. I was wrong, I lost you in that moment, and I didn't realize it! I got crazy when I saw you on the other side of the street, I would never forget how you looked like. You must be so scared when you were crossing the street and I was not there for you.
The night I lost you, it was raining the whole night. When I was putting you down the next day at the funeral, the sky was almost crying. You have been gone for five days now, it rained everyday. Was that your tears, because you couldn't see me? I looked inside the house, I could see you everywhere. I couldn't walk outside because walking lost the meaning compared to when you were there. I wished I had a chance to walk you one more time, or to hug you one more time, or even just to say I love you one more time. Life is not the same without you. My baby, I miss you so much. You will always be in my heart.
12/24/14: Merry christmas, my baby. Please come to me tonight, I'll be waiting for the signs. Love you and miss you so much!
12/16/15: Today is your first anniversary. Time pass by so quickly, but the fun I had with you never fade away. I miss holding you in my arms, playing with your ears and nose, rubbing your tummy and looking at you when you sleep. Walking you everyday used to my routine, not any more. Every time I see a walking fur baby, how you used to jump up and down when hearing me saying, let's go, Roxy, just jumps into my head, which touches the softest spot of my heart. I went to visit you in the cemetery: I remember every moment when I was holding you last year; putting you down and letting you go was the hardest thing. But I know you are having an enjoyable life over the rainbow bridge and everyone adores and loves you. Please have fun with your new friends. You are deeply deeply missed by everybody. Life is not the same without you and I miss you everyday, my baby.
1/26/2017: my dear, I see you everyday. I'm still using you as my phone wallpaper, as well as my laptop. I couldn't help to touch your nose sometimes and I still remember you used to love to cuddle on my legs when watching tv. Miss you, my dear. Love you forever!
12/16/2017: it's your anniversary today. Omar wanted to tell you that he misses you! It was a windy day when we went to visit you. Love you forever, my baby, we miss you so much. Have you met new friends over the rainbow bridge to celebrate the holidays with you? Miss you, baby...