She was beyond smart, loyal, cute, loving, energetic, playful, and just an all around genuine superstar. I renamed her "Rosie" and we trained hard and played hard. I couldn't believe how fast she was picking up on training, how she retained and remembered instantly, and even not in training, how she would communicate with me with her eyes and gestures was amazing as well. It's as if we had a inner communication even though we were of a different species. Anyone that came by her LOVED her and how could they not? She's adorable, she likes to cuddle and will do this thing where she drives her head into your arms and also she loved to lick you. My god the amount of Love, affection, and the cuteness my Rosie had was crazy! Any dog that came across you were lucky because you were so friendly, so playful, and showed you weren't a threat right away.

We were having so much fun together but all of a sudden, you had a limp and so mom brought you to the vet to get it checked out and they couldn't find anything serious so they let you go. Couple of days later you started breathing fast at night and kept dry heaving so I took you to the emergency vet to where I found out you also had a fever. They kept you hospitalized that night and I returned at 7:20 next morning to pick you up to take you to our main vet. They said you had a fever, your bloodwork was a little troubling, and the xray showed your lungs were damaged. You stayed hospitalized with your fever going up and down and never being able to control your breathing (breathing fast and no amount of therapy or treatments would let her breathe normally). You went back and forth between the main hospital and the emergency room. At the end, you were transferred to the emergency specialist vet and you were on oxygen, antibiotics, but it still didn't help. Funny thing is, we're still waiting for one of the test results. It doesn't matter now but I'm still going to follow up to see the results to see if there was an answer to what got you sick because it's still unknown and it's driving me crazy. We did another oxygen therapy treatment and when I got the call that you had eaten two tablespoons of chickens, I was over the moon. I thought you were finally going to recover. But I went to go see you again with mom and you looked worse than before. I really had no idea yesterday was the day I was going to have to make that decision Rosie, I really thought you were going to pull through. I really did. We gave you a steroid shot and even after a hour, there was no improvements and I know it takes hours but every second was you suffering to breathe and hurting. I made the decision and your sweet sweet sweet self fell asleep.

I really did everything I could to save you Rosie but at the end, it looked like you were suffering so much and I kept trying to look for signs that you were improving the last second but I just saw you suffer. Please forgive me for ending your life Rosie. It was quick though wasn't it? two shots from the doctor and your pain instantly seized and you were meeting Buddy and all of the other wonderful dogs and people waiting for you sweetheart. I'm still so sorry Rosie, please forgive me for everything and I'm just completely destroyed without you right now.

The year you've been on this earth, you've made it the best one for me and I can't thank you enough for that. You literally healed me Rosie, You became my rock, You became my everything.

I do regret completely being so tough and raging out on you whenever you made a mistake my Rosebud.

My nicknames for you include, "Rosebud" "Rosebear" "My Shayla" "My everything" "My princess"

I know I used to joke that the day you die is the day I die too. I know it's a joke but I really want to make it into reality if it means I could see you and just touch, smell, and hug you just once more Rosie.

One year and four months is Way too young to go. We had all kinds of plans, events, and things to do together, we barley scratched the surface.

I Loved how you would sleep in the cave part of the cat tree or jump on top to sleep, I Loved how you would take my sock everytime I came home and brought it onto the bed or the couch to play with. I Loved how everytime I would put my blanket over myself, we would play together by you trying to bite my hands over the blanket. I Loved how every 3-6 hours we'd go downstairs for me to open the door and let you go potty. I Loved how I had to say "Rosie, go potty" for you to go potty because if not, you would stick your head out of the gate to explore. I Loved how you would play with Ruby and Rexy but they're old so they couldn't match your energy but you were matching everyone's energy at day care! I Love how whenever I would excite you, you would speak by barking. I Love how you Loved your toys and bully stick. I Love how you liked to dig in the sand at the beach. I Love how you bit your nails, Loved how you would porch your head onto my arm or chest, Loved how you would play with your cat siblings junho and jiho

9/2/25 - I still can't believe it. I look at your photos and I can't stop myself from crying. The way you look so happy when you're on your walks makes me think it's even more unfair and unjust of life to take you from earth. You are a girl that enjoyed everything to the fullest with no fear or worry and you should've been able to roam a full lifetime. I've been thinking just now of what it would've been like in your point of view since you got sick. My heart breaks when you were hospitalized overnight. Rosie, I really thought you would've been back to full health but if I knew you were going to be gone days later, I would've been there all night long with you my baby. I really thought this was going to be a simple recovery but how wrong I was. It all happened so fast and spiraled so hard I didn't know Rosie, I didn't know your lungs were in that condition. I know you had kennel cough when I first got you and you were such a champ, you overcame it with the vet and when I thought you ate a nail and got a xray, I got the all clear so, I really don't know when this started Rosie and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for not being sure to give you consistent flea treatments. I'm sorry I was so hard on you while training you. It was supposed to be first year of good hard training and a lifetime of happiness for us but knowing you had only 507 days on this earth, it pains me to think about whenever I kept you in your crate for longer than I needed to because I was angry at something you did that wasn't a big deal. What dog doesn't pee in the house especially when they're barely a year old? Why was I so tough on you girl and even so, you were so smart and did beyond expectations, I didn't deserve you. I wish I just spoiled you and smothered you in cuddles and kisses from the beginning. Rosie, Buddy my sweet dog that I had before you was reactive because I didn't properly train him and we had such a limited life and I hated how he might've been perceived by others when he was also the best dog in the world. So, I made sure to make sure you'd be trained so well so you'd be Loved everywhere you go as you should be and so, your life and my life would be easier together and because through rigorous training, we'd bond like no other. Rosie... My Rosie.. It's not possible that you are gone. I miss how you would use your head as a scoop to go under my hands and pick it up with your head so that I'd pet you. Rosie, I was on the stupid computer for so long and indulging in my hobbies way too much when I should've been spending all of that time with you. God Rosie, my Rosie. I'll talk to you again okay? and we made your cremation arrangements today.I thought about somehow acquiring a burial ground for you but decided on cremation so that I can bring you with me everywhere. It's going to be painful to see you and to hold you one last time this Wednesday but I'm so looking forward to it as it'll be our last field trip together. I'll delivery you safely to the crematorium and I'll see you early on thursday for the cremation. Hang on until then okay? Stay warm by staying with me and taking the energy from my body my girl. I tried to play with the cats today like I did with you by putting my head under the blanket and to my surprise Jiho and Junho both were on top trying to catch my hand. Just like we used to do right Rosie? It's unlike of Junho to have also played because he doesn't play much anymore but maybe he misses you too. No, I know they miss you because they've been looking for you. I'm hugging one of your plush toys as I type this thinking of you. Rosie, I Love you and I miss you. I hope you're having an indescribably amazing time in paradise with Buddy, Shiela, Fixie, and all of your new friends. Thank you for the Love sign by showing up in my dreams the night you passed. I saw you on the counter top and it looked like the kitchen of our house in rancho santa margarita, with the warm lights and I saw you wagging your tail looking like when you used to go on walks and you would pant so that it would make it look like you were smiling. I said "But Rosie? You're alive?" and that's kind of where my dream cuts off but I swear when I first woke up I also remembered how I hugged and petted you. I wish I squeezed hug you but I think I was just in disbelief. Let me tell you though, the moment I woke up the panic attack set in and I was just a mess. Still, that message was like no other and Rosie my baby girl, I can't thank you enough. Please continue to send me Love signs to let me know you're doing well. Thank you for coming into my life Rosie, Thank you for choosing me and thank you for accepting me for who I am. Thank you for being your amazing self. God I miss you and I'm trying not to cry but God Rosie I miss you. I Love you and I'll talk to you again my girl. Sweet dreams until the morning my sunshine, my Shayla

09/05/25 - Before passing away, you were able to sleep once more on the bed but it breaks my heart that I woke up to find you unable to get up your little stairs because of your cone. IF you really had to, you could've just gone on the bed and I know how much I scolded you for going on the bed before and I think that's what got you to go down in the first place but you didn't have to do that when you were so sick Rose. I really wish you pulled through Rose. I miss how you roll around in the grass and how much you Loved to smell things as you walked. You were still learning and figuring out the world before you had to leave my poor thing. I miss so much our late night bark and play sessions. It really sounded like you were conversing with me through your loud and clear barks. I miss how you'd come into the restroom whenever I was in there as well. The house is just so silent without you and the disappearance of our routine is killing me. I had a good memory of us training at the spectrum and when I took you and Junho out to the park for some light training, our walks on the trail we found that we both liked, and how you would always come up to my bed whenever I lied down no matter where you were to lay down with me. I just hope you have a good day Rosie. I miss you and I Love you.

09/05/25(again)- I just thought of how on your last day, the vet told me you had two spoonfuls of chicken and thought the tides were finally changing. I also saw how when me and mom went to go see you, you finally hand strength to get up and tried to bite your catheter. I can't imagine how much you wanted to come home and be recovered. Rosie, I'm completely in turmoil right now as I can't see you, touch you, hear you, play with you, walk with you, and just exist with you. I miss you my Rosie and I've been leaving the window open incase you want to come and visit and dad's been leaving the porch light on for whenever you need to go potty late at night. I Love you my Rosie.

9/13/25 -- the two times I put you in day care, I thought I would utilize the free time and do something productive and that I'd enjoy the little break away from you but it turned out that it wasn't a break but rather something I didn't want. I didn't want to be away from you and whenever you were at daycare, instead of doing anything I'd stare at the cameras. You ruled the entire small to medium dog section Rosie and made friends so fast. You didn't back down but you weren't a bully either, you were perfect. I've been binging bad and I think that's my brain trying to find some sort of goodness in the world but there is none. What distracts me are Instagram reels even though that's horrible for your mind but the moment I get off of it, reality hits and I can't help stop thinking about how much I miss you.I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

8:49am -- our mornings would go as where I would wake up, I'd say, Rosie lets go potty after using the restroom and you'd be on my bed but everytime I had to use the restroom, I'd have you go to your cage since you had a known issue to pee on my bed. We'd then go downstairs, you'd pee, then I'd close the door, we'd come back upstairs and then I'd give you a treat.
09-21-25 = 8:07am. It's insanely hard without you. Thinking about your last day and when mom and I went to go see you and brought you your toys. You bit on the ear of the bear. You must've wanted to play. Even the chicken, you tried eating a bite from when I fed it to you and you just couldn't because of your labored breathing. It's getting unbearable without you.

09-23-25 -- I miss how you would dig your head into the blankets when you would sleep. I miss how you would get on my chest and just stare into my eyes with those cute boba eyes of yours. I Love how you would dig into buddys bed and blanket.I Loved how you would look at me while we walked. I miss how you'd roll in the grass, I miss how you'd usually puke after arriving the the trail because of carsickness. You were learning "bang" before you left. You basically perfected it. I find it funny now that whenever I would step out of the house for a moment of use the restroom downstairs, that was your cue to take a shit on the floor. Whenever I'd get groceries, I'd get a lunchable to share with you. Whenever I'd make a sandwich, I'd give you a slice or two. Whenever I cook ground beef, I'd set off a bit before I seasoned it. I kept good cheese to share with you. I miss that too. I'd be astounded by how fast you finished bully sticks but you must've got kind of bored at them towards the end. Yesterday morning when I was looking at videos of you, I found some new older ones of you and us and it felt like it was a gift left by you. You know, it's because of the walks we took as well, I finally started socializing again even if it was at the bare minimum and you brought me out of the depression hole. I haven't laughed since you left but this morning when I woke up, I was reminded of something funny you did and finally laughed. Not just a fake laugh or a light laugh but a real genuine laugh. Something you provided so much of.

09/25/25 -- I miss your appetite. Jiho likes to go under the blanket like you liked to do. Remember how I'd put the blanket over myself and you'd try to work your way in? we had so much fun doing that and I Loved how whenever you'd make it in, I'd give you a kiss and we'd cuddle. You were so freaking cute. So freaking cuddly. The thing is too is that everytime I looked at you, I genuinely felt a connection like I was looking at a soul that transcended being an animal or a human but a soul that carrier reciprocating, know everything about each other kind of Love. Love. We had true Love.

09-26-25 @12:38pm -- It's so funny when I left you home alone once, you went up on the dining table, grabbed the garlic sauce, brought it all of the way to the couch and licked it all.. I know when I saw you in the hospital, I said, if it's too hard and if it's too painful or uncomfortable, feel free to leave. I regret saying that so much. I know that's supposed to be the way to be about this but I've been wondering if that contributed to you not getting better. I know after the steroid shot, you didn't get better and I know I'm the one that put you down but when you tried to eat from my hand but couldn't because of your labored breathing, that's literally you trying to hold on and I'm wondering if I murdered you by deciding to let you go that night. I hated how I didn't recognize the severity of the situation until after couple days passed. I hated how you were in that square kennel that also served as an oxygen chamber. I hated that loud dog barking and hated how you were in an uncomfortable environment, I hated how you were probably wondering where I went or if I abandoned you and I swear to you Rosie, I would never and I did not abandon you. The hospital told me to hospitalize you because you were having such a hard time breathing. I hated how you left me that week. I hated how you got sick. I hated everything about that situation because it involved you, the one I Love the most in my life and it involved you suffering.

I don't think I'll ever get another dog Rosie. It's you that I want and wanted. I hate how it took me time to bond with you because I was still getting over the death of Buddy and it feels like I robbed you of Love by being like that and it kills me. I finally let my guard down and accepted you fully as you did with me and It's just so not fair. I don't need anything or much and I've shown that to the world, to life, to karma, I just need you but you're gone. It still feels like my minds not registering what happened and it still feels like I'm supposed to pick you up in an hour or so at daycare or like I'm still waiting for you to come back from your pack walk. The days go by but I'm still stuck on the same day. The sleep that changes today into tomorrow only feels like mere naps. I hold your urn and just can't believe the 13 pound bundle of Love and Joy is now a bag of ashes in a plastic bag that fits in the palm of my hand. You, the Lovable jumpy, hyper, full of energy with beautiful barks, a winning personality, and the beauty of the entire world, now just in ashes. I can't assemble these ashes to make it into you when you were alive. I wish I could. I reached into the cat tree today in the cave part you used to like to sleep and hang out in. I remember being frustrated that you would bring all kinds of stuff in there to play with and make a mess and remember vacuuming frequently to keep it clean for you. All I found was a couple pieces of toilet paper that you must've ripped apart but that's it. Wish I found more. I miss playing tug of war with you. You were so strong Rosie. all sorts of good stuff, I miss your barks, I miss our tug of wars, I miss our fetches, I miss calling you nicknames and cuddling. I miss you

11/8/25 -- Yeah, it's still just so hard without you. There's been this phenomenom going on where anytime something good happens, there's traces of you that pop up and it's obvious you're doing so much for me even now and I can't thank you enough my Rosie, my girl. I know it's all you and just know all I really need is just to know that you're with me by my side. Even if I'm homeless and so mentally unwell that I find myself being a public nuisance and screaming everyday on the road, as long as I know you're in my heart, everything's perfect.

11/14/25 - I saw you in my dreams last night Rosie bear. We were at grandmas and you were right next to me and I was giving you treats. And then I had a sudden realization that you were gone and I remember my mom being there so I called her over and asked her, you know how Rosies gone? Look! she's right here! how did I give her treats? are you seeing this? And then it sounded like she made a noise out of pity, and left. After that I just woke up and just instantly wished I could see you again. Just the other day, I opened a salad kit and a small bag of Parmesan fell out. I remembered I'd always give you the cheese and you Loved it. I couldn't bring myself to open it and it's still in the fridge. I know I'm going to need to take care of it but everytime I see it it just makes me break down and I know as a man I shouldn't be breaking down this hard, this often, and on this level but Rosie, since you've left nothing's the same.

11/16/25 Still seeing your photos and or videos makes me lose it completely. I'm trying to commission a custom wooden box to put your paw prints in, I hope you like it. I still need to get your photos saved from my DSLR camera but I've been pushing it off and still am. There's got to be photos I haven't seen of you before and I feel like once I see every photo I've taken of you, that's really going to cement that there's really no more of you and even just typing this is so hard and just thinking of the time I finally got your body to be cremated, just remembering that day is so painful. I'll be back to talk to you again Rosie bear. I Love you and I miss you Rose.