8/6/14 It's been over a month and a half. I still can't tell your story. I miss you so much and my heart is broken. My last 12 years has been about you.|
I want you back in my arms. I want to smell your warm sweet belly. I want to hear you snore and see your whiskers twitch. There is no more joy in curling up on the couch without my baby spooning with me. I want my baby boy back.
6/18/15 One year. I sat on the dock today and sprinkled some of your ashes into the beautiful lake we used to visit so often. Only some, as I will never part with all of them. I will never part with you. This last year has been one of the toughest yet. So many things. When you first passed I did all of the right stuff. I saw grief counselors, I put your picture here on this site, I talked to other pet owners, and I loved my other pets even more. I thought I must have grown up some how and finally learned to cope with grief. But after a month life went dark. I don't know if I even remember the next two months. I checked out. I couldn't cope and really couldn't bear breathing without you. You were so sick from so early on that you were my every moment. Your life had consumed mine for 12 years. I worried about you constantly and spent so much time and money keeping you alive and happy. I only left you if I had to travel for work and then only if my most trusted friends could care for you and your brother. You were the bravest dog I ever met and never complained about any of it. Everyone that knew you and experienced life with you thought you had extra lives saved up because you nearly died 4 different times from 4 different maladies. You were such a happy and silly boy. Even when I was in complete terror over your health I was always overjoyed by your smile. You had the cutest little meesy mouse that demanded kisses. You loved spooning in bed and wanted many belly rubs which I was happy to oblige. It was hard losing you. I believe the only reason I started to become aware again was because in all of my sadness I had not truly taken care of your litter mate, your best friend, Taylor. He was also so sad. But we both survived. And now one year later we still miss you terribly Riley. Taylor and I have rescued one Iggy and fostered one as well. We hope to do more fostering. I will never have a pup in my life like you again. You were one of a kind and I'd like it to stay that way. We love you Riley. We will see you at the Rainbow Bridge.
6/18/16 Two years. I am often surprised at the sudden tears that come with little warning when I think about you. You are still that best friend that went away forever. I miss everything about you. My heart aches today even more because it is the anniversary of truly the darkest day I have personally experienced. Your brother and I have had some ups and downs recently with his health. I told him today that he has managed two years longer than his bigger brother. That's pretty good but he is getting elderly. His hearing and much of his eyesight is gone. It's best to stay on leash now because even a little spook can have terrifying results. He gets scared and then doesn't necessarily recognize me. But he is my baby and it is easy to treat him with all of the gentleness and dignity he deserves. Taylors adopted brother has never quite fit in but we love him none the less. Even if Taylor doesn't love him the way he did you, Riley, I think he would be lonely without him around. Taylor barely tolerates all of the fosters that have passed through. So many personalities, so much emotional and physical pain. All of us help them get better and they find new wonderful homes and you Taylor get my bed and me back to yourself,,, well almost.