Welcome to Princess Tabitha Azzizza (Princess)'s Rainbow Bridge Memorial Residency
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Memories of Princess Tabitha Azzizza (Princess)
Princess, (age 18-1/2)passed away at almost 3 a.m. this morning. I had come home about 7:00 p.m. 9/20/2017to find her on the floor of my bedroom and cold to the touch. I don't know how many hours she had lain there and immediately wrapped her in a small afghan and blanket, placed her on my bed and crawled in beside her to try to warm her. After a few hours she had warmed enough to stir in her blankets and I lifted the blankets. Her eyes had been fixed and her breathing slow and steady, but she was alive. I told her countless times how much I loved her and the special things about her since I became her mommy when she was three weeks old. It really was too late to get help for her and every time I thought about what pain she might be in I was wracked with guilt for not helping her sooner in any way I could and my next thought was, "this is not about me, it's about Princess." Several times she reached her paw to me to touch my hand and arm. I knew she had been losing weight and ill with something, but her spirit was so normal until then I just wanted to let her live and do what she wanted. This summer I let her outdoors whenever she wanted (which was most of the time and even overnight when it was warm enough, which it was). We had a terribly long and wet winter and spring and she'd been cooped up in the house. My thinking was to let her have her dearest wish at her age and she LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF BEING OUTDOORS IN THE WARMTH. I set up a tent made of large white linen cloths over a quilt rack and chair and she ate her food outdoors in her Princess dish drank water out of her little yogurt cups. When I came home in the evening, she was always there to greet me and run alongside the car as I parked and mark the tires with her little paws. It is especially difficult for me because Princess's brother, Sweetie Pie, died five years ago of kidney failure. I had taken him for treatments for about a year and then let nature take its course. I can't say enough about Princess's loyalty, friendship, forgiveness for every single instance where I, as a poor, miserable sinner of a human being, may have failed her in any respect, especially for not spending more time with her. We had our special prayers about Sweetie Pie. She comforted me in countless ways and now she is gone from my life and it seems a little less special right now. It really was about two days that she failed so quickly, but her spirit never changed. She left pawprints on my heart that will never be filled. As little as she had become, she still just two days ago had been able to jump up on my car! I felt especially bad that she could not or would not be able to understand what was happening to her as she lay dying in my arms. I told her at one point, if you see Sweetie Pie, you run just as fast as you can towards him and don't look back, and I will catch up to both of them. I first became a momma to Sweetie Pie and Princess when I had left my own family and we had not been in touch for six months. No one looked for me or tried to find me, so my kitties became my family. You know your pets can be trusted with any and all confidences and they understand things other people don't. Sometimes when I would cry, Princess would extend her paw to my face and touch it where the tears fell. How many humans do you know that would reach out and do that without being embarrassed for you or themselves? It's easy to say she was old and it was her time. I don't think that way at all. Have you ever read a good book you couldn't put down even though you had an idea what the ending would be, not having every detail spelled out in advance? It's like that for me. You don't ever want it to end and sometimes are afraid to turn the page, by slowing it down you might make it last longer... The Bible says we live our lives as a story being told. Princess, I did not hear your borning cry, but I heard your dying cries and it broke my heart. I only hope you heard my words to try to soothe you through it with special memories of you and hope we'll see each other again where there is no pain of any kind, and we'll always be warm. You'll always be my beautiful baby girl, my funny bunny, my pretty kitty, the prettiest kitty in the whole world and the smartest, too. Please know how very special you have always been and how special life was with you there with me. When I sit on the garden bench I'll think of how many times you liked to jump up on my lap... The story of Princess. Putting her paw on my thigh when she first came home with me ( I knew I was her mommy then!) Following me for walks around the block in the old neighborhood. Chasing rocks thrown down the alley! Fetching rubber bands and dropping them near her food dish until I discovered she did that to only EAT them later (I got wise to that). Curling up in bed, putting her head on my shoulder and stretching her paw out over my chest and I put my hand on her paw, she put her paw on my hand, I put my hand on her paw (you get the picture). Watching me drive away from the carport only to run and greet me when I returned So happy I was home. Enjoying her last wish of being an outdoor cat, even though there were risks. Thank you for this opportunity to share with you. God Bless this website. I don't know any other place where I can share like this and know I'll be heard and understood and Princess won't be forgotten. Ever.
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