5/28/17: Oh Precious,,,my heart bleeds. You left for the bridge last night right after I got home from work,,,it was so obvious that you had waited for me to get home to say goodbye. You cooed when I came in the room and I picked you up to put you in the litter box (as you had been needing help the last two days), but this time you would not go. I took you out and held you, and you then started to make a noise like you were going to be sick, so I placed you down in front of me and held you up to help you. You seemed to try then just stopped. I knew you were in distress and called the vet to come out, as I knew I had to let you go. I picked you back up and that's when I knew,,,you were going away,,,. I placed you on the bed in your favorite spot and layed next to you and held you, petting you, trying to comfort you and telling you through my tears it was okay to go. It was so horrible watching you take your last breaths, not being able to do a thing to help, waiting for the vet. But a few minutes later, you were gone, and I was heartbroken,,,knowing in my heart you had waited all day for me so you could leave. As you know, the job I'm at has horrible managers and they have been threatening to fire me as I had to take a few days off this month for health issues, and I knew that morning you were not doing well and wanted more than anything to call out and stay with you, but I knew I'd be fired if I did and although any other time I wouldn't have cared, you know I'm trying to save the house for all of us to stay in, so I just couldn't call out. I am so angry, and am so sorry to you that I couldn't spend more time with you on your last day. I can only try to keep my memories of the 17 years we had together, which was so great. And I guess I also have to be thankful that you were only ill for the past few weeks, and didn't have long, drawn out suffering. The vet does not know what caused your decline, or what caused your passing. I am not sure what you were battling, but I think I know what took you yesterday, and I will have to find a way to deal with that somehow, as I know regardless of it, your outcome was not looking good anyway. But baby girl, I can only hope you know how much you meant to me and how much I love you. |
You came into my life as a newborn kitten at the farm. You were so sweet and friendly, but a lot of the other guys picked on you, so most of the time you would hang out in the corn field next door, and when I would come out and call you for dinner, you'd run out of the field all happy. At night, you liked staying in the hay stall with Tigger. After too many of you guys were killed in the road, I put you and several others in the basement and made shelving and a run-out pen for you, until I bought this house and brought you here with all the others. As again, you were being picked on and couldn't acclimate well with the setup of the suites and run-out pens I built here, I brought you into the house. After a few years, I had to bring in three others, and one was a rescue from outside, Thomas. He became your best friend and you both would sleep with me and you taught him who was boss :) You were so tough yet so sweet---you never hurt him, just told him to stay in line :) He is twice the size of you, but you werent' scared. He was so good to you also, as you know. He is so confused right now,,,,he saw you on the bed after you had passed, and just looked at me like he didn't understand. I hope you can come to him and ease his sadness, as it is so obvious he is feeling your absence. I'm not sure how he is going to handle losing you, so please help him through in any way you can.
You were such a BIG girl (ok, you were a watermelon lol), most of your later years, but then I put you on some special food, and after a few months you started to lose weight, and were so happy to be able to jump off a chair again! You were going up and down the stairs so well and just seemed so excited to have mobility, and you looked great! That was almost a year ago. Then about two weeks ago, you started to look and feel like you were losing muscle, and you started to not eat your wet food. I had the vet check you, and nothing seemed obviously wrong. But very quickly you went downhill,,,not eating, staring into space, not lying on your side as usual, and losing weight to the point that you looked unwell. But your attitude was the biggest indicator something was very, very wrong---the continuous gazing into space was the worst. You did know I was there when I would pet you, and you would come lay by my side as usual, but something was really wrong. We tried fluids, vit B, and syringe feedings, but you weren't responding. Your cousin Brinnie had similar symptoms staring last month, but she was also hanging over her water bowls, and the vet suspected kidney problems. However, she has been responding very well to the treatments and is eating again. But you would not, and then you started not being able to walk, all wobbly and weak, and I knew in my heart that we should have seen some improvement by now, so I knew that if you didn't start to eat soon, I would be faced with the decision to let you go. I knew yesterday morning that it might be within the next few days, but maybe you or God, or both, knew how I struggle with that decision, because you left before the vet arrived. Part of me is grateful for that and part of me is ripped apart that you had to suffer, even if only for a few minutes. But my God, you waited to see me one last time and say goodbye, and I am so grateful for that my baby girl. Seventeen years shared with you is more than I could've asked for,,,all the good times, love, laughs, understanding,,,, but of course I'll always wish for one more day,,,,
I will always remember your tough little walk, your tiny little paws, and your eyeliner-rimmed eyes---you had the most 'precious' face, hence your name. I will terribly miss rubbing that belly of yours, and kissing your tiny head. I know everything we shared for 17 years cannot be forgotten or outshadowed by a few bad moments, and I will do my best to always remember that. I love you so much Precious and I can only hope you are full and well now and running around in the field. I hope the others met you at the bridge (you knew Comet, Ellie, Jettie, and Slater from the farm), and grandpa. Sadly, as it is a holiday weekend, I cannot bring you for your cremation until Wednesday, but I'm sure you're saying 'mom, my spirit is free---that was only a temporary housing, so don't worry', but it still hurts,,,,,enough said on that.
Please know how much I love and miss you and that you will always be in my heart. I love you Precious and always will. Love and light baby girl,,,XOX,,Mommy
Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in Heaven.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure
Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven
'Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven,,,,,,
11/23/17: Hi sweetie girl,,,oh how I miss you cuddling with me and Thomas in the bed at night,,and your funny meow :) It is Thanksgiving Day today, and although that has been a sad day for me over the past few years, I wanted to come out and say how grateful and thankful I am to have had you and the others in my life. As I told the others, we humans tend to focus on the end, the illness and sadness, but forget all the years of life you gave us, and all the laughs and love, so I am trying to stop thinking of the bad and just be happy for all the good. I love and miss you so much, and will always, and hope you know I will never forget you. Love and Light my Precious baby girl,,,XOX
12/25/17: Merry Christmas baby girl,,,,I wanted to let you know that a candle has been lit for all of you in your resting place to honor your lives and that your spirit lives on. Preci,,I know you know Thomas misses you so much and has been eating less and less. Please come and comfort him when you can and let him know it will be okay. I love and miss you so much, especially at bed time :) Love and Light baby girl,,,XOX
1/1/18: Hi Precious,,,today is New Year's Day and I came on to write on Jettie's page as today is the day he passed two years ago. But I wanted to visit you and let you know how much I miss you every day, and that no matter how it happens, or how long goes by, the pain of your loss is still there with a hole in my heart that will never mend. But I am learning more and more to focus on all the love and happiness you gave me for so many years, instead of remembering the sad day of loss, as it is your life that deserves the attention and honor, not your passing. I hope you can feel the big hug and kiss I'm sending you,,,I'll love and miss you always,,,,Love and Light baby girl,,,XOX
5/27/18: My sweet baby girl,,,today it has been one year since you left---I just can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday you were 'eeping' (your way to meow) at me on the bed, getting your belly rubs.
9/29/18: Hi guys,,,,I came out just to say hello to all of you, as I feel you so much in the sunroom lately, and Precious--I feel you in Thomas' eyes every time he looks at me. I miss you all SO much,,,,every one of you had something so unique,,, and I remember everything we shared together and how you made me feel so lucky to be able to care for you. Please be with me now, as I'm sure you know I am fighting for the rest of us here and our home, and I need all the love and strength you can send. Always know how much you all mean to me, and how much I love and miss you every single day. Tears flow, but through them I try to smile by remembering all the good years of love and laughs and fun. All of you will forever be in my heart. Love and Light babies,,,,XOX
10/22/18: Hi baby girl,,,today your buddy Thomas went to the bridge,,,I hope you were there to meet him. Please show him he is safe, and that you can be together again. You can let him lick your head like you used to, and he can bite it like he used to :) I miss you both soooo much and my heart will always be broken, but will never, ever lose the love I have for you guys. Love and miss you baby girl,,,,Love and Light,,,XOX
12/25/18: Hi baby,,,,it's Christmas and I'm missing you and all the others who have passed. As you know, except for my brief visit with my sister every Christmas, since my mother passed all I've had are you guys to cheer me up and get me through. I hope you know I still love you so much and always, always will. Merry Christmas Precious,,,,Kisses, hugs,,,,Love and Light,,,XOXOXOX
1/26/19: Hi baby girl,,,,I'm sorry I didn't come out on New Years,,,I was so depressed and sad I just couldn't bear visiting everyone. I hope you heard me tell you Happy New Year and how much I love and miss you. Love and Light sweetie,,,,XOXOX
5/27/19: Hi sweetie,,,I can't believe it's already two years since you had to go,,,,I miss you so much and hope you know how much I love you and miss you. And I hope you and Thomas are together and comforting each other. I so miss you're funny meow, and your tough little walk, and can only have faith you are back to health and running and playing with Thomas. Please know we will be together again someday, but until then please know you are always in my thoughts and heart. Love and Light baby girl,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOX
10/17/19: Hi sweetie face,,,,I wanted you to know how sorry I am that I have not visited your page lately. As you may know, I lost more babies since my last visit and I've just not been able to cope when I see all your pages out here. But please never, ever doubt that you're in my thoughts, and will always, always be in my heart. Love and miss you baby,,,,Love and Light,,,mommy,,,XOXOXOXOXOXXX
5/27/20: Hi my sweet baby girl,,,today it has been 3 years since you left. As many times as I go through this, it never changes---it feels like just yesterday you were still here,,,time is so strange. And I'm still so angry that I couldn't stay home with you that day as they threatened my job,,,it still flashes in my mind and I have to fight it away, how I found you, and that you waited for me. And ironically, I no longer work there anyway,,,but still carry so much anger about that. People put things in order of importance, but what they seem to miss is that moments can't be repeated--you either have them or miss them--and in hindsight I should have just quit that morning, regardless of money, as even though I had no way of knowing it would be your last day, you were not well and I'd give anything to have spent those last hours with you. I'm so sorry,,,,I so miss your funny little meows,,,meeps I called them,,,,and your cutest little face. I so wish you were still here, as I need your company more than ever now because we are going through a pandemic and everyone has been quarantined at home. A few of your cousins are thankfully still here or I'd be going crazy with loneliness, but I so miss having all of you--each and every one of you are a part of my heart. I hope you are with Thomas, and that you can feel the love I still have for you. I remember our days at the farm, and then our life together here,,,you are such a sweet but tough little girl--and I miss your 'catitude' :) Oh baby girl, I'm so sorry for whatever illness you had,,but hope you had a good life with me and were happy and felt loved and safe. I miss you so much my baby girl, and will love you always. Love and Light my baby,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX
5/27/21: Precious, my sweet baby girl,,,today it has been 4 years since you left---I truly still cannot believe how fast time goes, as it just doesn't feel that long, and I still see you, and hear your little 'eeep' meows,,,oh how I miss those. I'm so sorry I couldn't come out here for Christmas, as I was very sick with a virus that caused a pandemic in the world. I miss you so much and hope you can still feel that love where you are,,,and that you can hear me when I talk to you. I hope you're with Thomas and all the others, and that you're well again and pain free. I will never, ever forget you, and you will always and forever be in my heart. I love and miss you so much my baby girl, and always will, and I hope you will always feel that. My baby Precious,,,kisses, hugs, and all my love,,,,,Love and Light baby girl,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX