5/28/17: Oh Precious,,,my heart bleeds. You left for the bridge last night right after I got home from work,,,it was so obvious that you had waited for me to get home to say goodbye. You cooed when I came in the room and I picked you up to put you in the litter box (as you had been needing help the last two days), but this time you would not go. I took you out and held you, and you then started to make a noise like you were going to be sick, so I placed you down in front of me and held you up to help you. You seemed to try then just stopped. I knew you were in distress and called the vet to come out, as I knew I had to let you go. I picked you back up and that's when I knew,,,you were going away,,,. I placed you on the bed in your favorite spot and layed next to you and held you, petting you, trying to comfort you and telling you through my tears it was okay to go. It was so horrible watching you take your last breaths, not being able to do a thing to help, waiting for the vet. But a few minutes later, you were gone, and I was heartbroken,,,knowing in my heart you had waited all day for me so you could leave. As you know, the job I'm at has horrible managers and they have been threatening to fire me as I had to take a few days off this month for health issues, and I knew that morning you were not doing well and wanted more than anything to call out and stay with you, but I knew I'd be fired if I did and although any other time I wouldn't have cared, you know I'm trying to save the house for all of us to stay in, so I just couldn't call out. I am so angry, and am so sorry to you that I couldn't spend more time with you on your last day. I can only try to keep my memories of the 17 years we had together, which was so great. And I guess I also have to be thankful that you were only ill for the past few weeks, and didn't have long, drawn out suffering. The vet does not know what caused your decline, or what caused your passing. I am not sure what you were battling, but I think I know what took you yesterday, and I will have to find a way to deal with that somehow, as I know regardless of it, your outcome was not looking good anyway. But baby girl, I can only hope you know how much you meant to me and how much I love you. |
You came into my life as a newborn kitten at the farm. You were so sweet and friendly, but a lot of the other guys picked on you, so most of the time you would hang out in the corn field next door, and when I would come out and call you for dinner, you'd run out of the field all happy. At night, you liked staying in the hay stall with Tigger. After too many of you guys were killed in the road, I put you and several others in the basement and made shelving and a run-out pen for you, until I bought this house and brought you here with all the others. As again, you were being picked on and couldn't acclimate well with the setup of the suites and run-out pens I built here, I brought you into the house. After a few years, I had to bring in three others, and one was a rescue from outside, Thomas. He became your best friend and you both would sleep with me and you taught him who was boss :) You were so tough yet so sweet---you never hurt him, just told him to stay in line :) He is twice the size of you, but you werent' scared. He was so good to you also, as you know. He is so confused right now,,,,he saw you on the bed after you had passed, and just looked at me like he didn't understand. I hope you can come to him and ease his sadness, as it is so obvious he is feeling your absence. I'm not sure how he is going to handle losing you, so please help him through in any way you can.
You were such a BIG girl (ok, you were a watermelon lol), most of your later years, but then I put you on some special food, and after a few months you started to lose weight, and were so happy to be able to jump off a chair again! You were going up and down the stairs so well and just seemed so excited to have mobility, and you looked great! That was almost a year ago. Then about two weeks ago, you started to look and feel like you were losing muscle, and you started to not eat your wet food. I had the vet check you, and nothing seemed obviously wrong. But very quickly you went downhill,,,not eating, staring into space, not lying on your side as usual, and losing weight to the point that you looked unwell. But your attitude was the biggest indicator something was very, very wrong---the continuous gazing into space was the worst. You did know I was there when I would pet you, and you would come lay by my side as usual, but something was really wrong. We tried fluids, vit B, and syringe feedings, but you weren't responding. Your cousin Brinnie had similar symptoms staring last month, but she was also hanging over her water bowls, and the vet suspected kidney problems. However, she has been responding very well to the treatments and is eating again. But you would not, and then you started not being able to walk, all wobbly and weak, and I knew in my heart that we should have seen some improvement by now, so I knew that if you didn't start to eat soon, I would be faced with the decision to let you go. I knew yesterday morning that it might be within the next few days, but maybe you or God, or both, knew how I struggle with that decision, because you left before the vet arrived. Part of me is grateful for that and part of me is ripped apart that you had to suffer, even if only for a few minutes. But my God, you waited to see me one last time and say goodbye, and I am so grateful for that my baby girl. Seventeen years shared with you is more than I could've asked for,,,all the good times, love, laughs, understanding,,,, but of course I'll always wish for one more day,,,,
I will always remember your tough little walk, your tiny little paws, and your eyeliner-rimmed eyes---you had the most 'precious' face, hence your name. I will terribly miss rubbing that belly of yours, and kissing your tiny head. I know everything we shared for 17 years cannot be forgotten or outshadowed by a few bad moments, and I will do my best to always remember that. I love you so much Precious and I can only hope you are full and well now and running around in the field. I hope the others met you at the bridge (you knew Comet, Ellie, Jettie, and Slater from the farm), and grandpa. Sadly, as it is a holiday weekend, I cannot bring you for your cremation until Wednesday, but I'm sure you're saying 'mom, my spirit is free---that was only a temporary housing, so don't worry', but it still hurts,,,,,enough said on that.
Please know how much I love and miss you and that you will always be in my heart. I love you Precious and always will. Love and light baby girl,,,XOX,,Mommy
Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in Heaven.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure
Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven
'Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven,,,,,,
11/23/17: Hi sweetie girl,,,oh how I miss you cuddling with me and Thomas in the bed at night,,and your funny meow :) It is Thanksgiving Day today, and although that has been a sad day for me over the past few years, I wanted to come out and say how grateful and thankful I am to have had you and the others in my life. As I told the others, we humans tend to focus on the end, the illness and sadness, but forget all the years of life you gave us, and all the laughs and love, so I am trying to stop thinking of the bad and just be happy for all the good. I love and miss you so much, and will always, and hope you know I will never forget you. Love and Light my Precious baby girl,,,XOX
12/25/17: Merry Christmas baby girl,,,,I wanted to let you know that a candle has been lit for all of you in your resting place to honor your lives and that your spirit lives on. Preci,,I know you know Thomas misses you so much and has been eating less and less. Please come and comfort him when you can and let him know it will be okay. I love and miss you so much, especially at bed time :) Love and Light baby girl,,,XOX
1/1/18: Hi Precious,,,today is New Year's Day and I came on to write on Jettie's page as today is the day he passed two years ago. But I wanted to visit you and let you know how much I miss you every day, and that no matter how it happens, or how long goes by, the pain of your loss is still there with a hole in my heart that will never mend. But I am learning more and more to focus on all the love and happiness you gave me for so many years, instead of remembering the sad day of loss, as it is your life that deserves the attention and honor, not your passing. I hope you can feel the big hug and kiss I'm sending you,,,I'll love and miss you always,,,,Love and Light baby girl,,,XOX
5/27/18: My sweet baby girl,,,today it has been one year since you left---I just can't believe it. It feels like just yesterday you were 'eeping' (your way to meow) at me on the bed, getting your belly rubs.