"Pishka". Your name means "little treasure" and a little treasure you were. Your pawprint is forever on my heart and your spirit forever a part of mine.

You were so tiny. I'll never forget when you met your puppy brother Marty for the fist time. You were all puffed and hissy - being all big girl bad yet you became best friends.

We spent so many years together and we shared so much. People came in and out of our lives. Creatures came and went too but it was you and I, together. We would play and laugh until we were both worn out and then you would lay quietly by my side. We moved and had to get used to new places but we did it together. Your purring, your nuzzling, cuddling under the covers early in the morning. You saved me when I didn't think I could survive the grief. You would wash my tears and then sleep in my lap until I was calm. We shared yogurt. I knew your time with me was ending when even yogurt didn't interest you. Still you tried and still you purred. It happened too fast. I didn't have time to say goodbye but then no time would have been enough. I couldn't be selfish. I had to let you go. You were such a gentle girl. You were my calico angel on earth and now you're God's calico angel in Heaven.

You loved your Christmas trees so much. The hours you spent under the tree every year sleeping, dreaming of what I wonder? You made it through this last Christmas. You had one last tree. I've placed a tree at your memorial just for you.

Sometimes I think I hear you purring in the early morning hours. Sometimes I think I feel you touch my cheek with your velvet paw. I pray you're whole again and not frail and ill with age. I know it was never the same for you after I brought Danny's girls into our home but what could I do? I couldn't banish them to a shelter. You were always number one but I know you were sad. I'll never get over the guilt I have for that. You gave everything, unconditionally for me. I gave you love. I pray your know how much. Please forgive me.

You were a blessing granted to me and I was so honored to be your caregiver and friend. Your little sister, Shadow. She is so much like you. Shadow does many of the things you did. She'll touch me on the cheek with her paw and she crawls under the covers in the early morning. She knows when I need to be comforted. She was in our lives before you crossed Rainbow Bridge but just maybe you were both created by the same angels.

I held you the day you were born. I held you as you took your last breath. God wouldn't create Heaven without a place for all His creatures. I know without a doubt you're with God. I pray it's true that we'll be reunited. I have to believe.

Until that day.

I love you Pishka. Go with God.

06.28.15
My dearest Pishka,
Folks say I'm crazy to still grieve so for you. Maybe so but I miss you every day. I still feel the guilt that you had to share your home at the end. I believe it shortened your life, you were sad.
I pray you are whole and happy and waiting for me. Danny's girls have gone home with him to Texas. Shadow and Homer are still here and I have a new kitten. I think you would like her. She is a gentle soul. She came to me on 09.02.14. Her name is MysTery. She is dark grey and has the longest softest fir. She has a beautiful grey face, green gold eyes, a black nose and white whiskers.
I love you Pishka.

02.09.16
My dear sweet little girl.
I have no doubt that you were there to greet Homer when he crossed Rainbow Bridge. November 29th 2015. He made it until the day after Thanksgiving. How I cried. I'm ashamed that I was crying more for you; remembering the day you crossed. I love Homer and now he is whole again, no sickness and pain. He was a gift in my life and I miss him so but you're "the one". I have never felt for another fur angel as I do for you. Is that so wrong? Are there soul mate fur angels?
I'm having a rough time personally. I will never leave Shadow and MysTery without a forever home. My time on this earth is in God's hands but I'm so tired of this fight. I so wish I had you to hold, to lick my tears like you used to do, but I hold you in my heart.
Please take care of Homer until we are all together again.
I love you Pishka. I love you Homer.

07.07.18

My sweet Pishka. I still miss you every day. I love all the creatures that have blessed my life but you will always be my special angel. I know you're caring for Homer. Sadly for me your baby sister Shadow will be joining you too soon. You never met your sister Mystery. I also adopted another baby girl. Her name is Jazmine. Her human daddy Bill passed away and her human mom, Paula had to move and couldn't keep her. I welcomed her into our home. Do you watch down on us? I imagine I can here you purr. This past year has been really hard on me. I "crashed" mentally and reached out to God to help. I beleive in my darkest hour you were touching my cheek with your tiny velvet paw. I've been seeing a MFT who happens to also be a pastor. His name is Dave and he has led me out of the darkness. The sky in my life is blue again. Dave has led me out of depressiona and grief but he has also introduced me to a Christian life.

Dave would vehemently disagree but I know I'll see you again. I don't/can't/won't beleive that the Rainbow Bridge didn't cross you into Heaven.

I love you. I brought some new toys and plants for you today. I promise I'll visit you more this year.

08.07.2022

My beloved Pishka. I can't believe the time that has passed since you crossed Rainbow Bridge. So much has changed in my life since the last time I updated you. I don't know if you remember Shady Lady (RIP 11.24.17) and Little Shady who just crossed Rainbow Bridge 07.05.22. I pray you've forgiven me for keeping you in the back bedroom, closed off from Shady and Little Shady. I know they tormented you and I thought I was doing the right thing, but I also kept you closed off from your home and from from me, from love and attention. The guilt still weighs on me.

I'm sure that you were waiting to welcome Shadow and show her all she needed to learn about becoming an angel. She's been gone from my side three years now - since 08.05.19. I believe I shortened her life too. In May of 2019 I moved to Amarillo TX. It's a very long story and not fully a happy one but I made the choice to come here. Shadow, Mystery and Jazmin made the trip with me but it was too much on Shadow. She was always so small and gentle. The move, the new home, the stress it caused, took her from me. Jazmin is getting frail from old age now and I fear too soon I'll be asking you to greet her into this angel family as well. You have quite the family to protect in Heaven. I don't how many years I have before I'll be joining you but to be honest, I'm ready. I can't leave this earthly anchor yet. I have Jazmin, Mystery and Skye to care for, to love.

Sometimes I see a shadow of a cat just out of my range of vision. When I turn no one is there but I imagine it to be you. Sometimes I think I hear purring and wonder.

Let me tell you about Skye. You would love her. When she was born, like all kittens she had sky blue eyes. Her "rescue-versary" is 08.18.2022. She was about 5 weeks old so she is just now two. It was an unusual first year for her. Her human daddy, Danny rescued her from outdoors and I loved her from the first moment I met her. For a year she would visit back and forth, much like a child of divorced parents and she took it all in stride being equally happy in both our homes. Now she lives forever fulltime with me. I believe all of you are together and watching over us so you see how Skye looks just like Shadow. She is so much like you. She is so sensitive to my emotions, she is so loving and such a cuddlebug. She hasn't licked my tears, that is just between us, but she can calm me when I'm stuggling like only you have ever been able to do.

I've been so remiss in visiting you but you are always in my heart. Your picture, the one in the green basket remains my lofo for Calico Angel Creations. I promiss to be better about visiting. I've made that promise to you before, just as I've promised God I would improve my life; be more active, more creative, more positive. I pray for assistance and for strength but I still fall too short too often. I don't mean to be so sad. I want to be happy. I just don't know how. I love you sweet angel.