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Pennie was a very loyal and beautiful poodle. She was 15 1/2 years old and so full of life. She was so active and loved me (her mom) and Camille, my daughter very much. Pennie was the love of our lives. Whether i was gone all day or just 1 hour, she missed me like crazy and would always greet me the same. Happy as can be. Oh, her eyes would sparkle. She was also my shadow, follow me everywhere I would go. She brought so much joy to us every day. We miss her like crazy. Most poodles you see have bows pinned by there ears and look so girly. Not Pennie. She hated to look pretty. She would always pull out her hair bows out and lick her nail polish completely off and after every bath, she couldn't wait to get outside just to go and rub in the grass and look for a puddle of mud. (just to try and get dirty again) She was always very smart. Bossy too, I must add and always wanted her way. But it was ok, because I spoiled her like that. She slept on the side of me every night. She also loved when I would cook for her. Her favorite food was steak and chicken. She would jump up and down whenever she seen me fixing her bowl of food. Penny was also very brave. She was not scared of anyone or any other animal. One day our neighbor's mastiff rottweiler got loose and came into our yard. I was so scarred because Pennie ran for all she could toward this huge dog. I just knew that she would be swallowed in one gulp. She got right up to this dog and jumped on him and started biting the rottweiler. The rottweiler took off running for all he could with his tail between his legs and there was Penny running after him, biting the rottweiler on its butt every chance she had. I could not believe that this rottweiler was so scared of my little toy poodle. He ran all the way back to his house. His master was outside freaking out and we were all laughing so hard because his huge dog was acting like a scared cat. This was just one of the many funniest moments. Pennie finally came running back to me and was so out of breath and she had this proud look in her face. Oh how I miss my baby. Then a couple of years ago, she developed a heart murmur. She was then put on meds. About 6-9 months ago, she became deaf and partially blind. I had to do certain hand motions to get her to understand things. But it was all good. We managed to communicate just fine. Even though she couldnt hear me talk, it didnt stop me from telling her every day how much I love her. She knew in her heart and never doubted the love I had for her. Everytime I would give her kisses, her eyes would light up. She felt it. We had an unconditional love for each other and a bond that could never be broken. She was and still is so special. On March 2, 2013, she was becoming more sick, so i took her to our vet. He said her heart was bad and wanted me to try her on some other meds. 2 days after that, we woke up that morning and she couldnt move or walk. I was so scarred and heartbroken. I held her in my arms and she stopped breathing twice. I couldnt even hear a heartbeat for a few seconds. I called the vet as soon as his office opened up and he told me to take her in at 2:00pm because he was in surgery. So until that time, I continued to hold her in my arms next to my chest. She slept like a baby. She was so content next to me. I cried, held her and even fell asleep. Then it was time to go to the Dr. I got up and by then she had pee peed all over me. Her kidneys were failing. We then arrived at the he Dr. office and he said that there was nothing more he could do that she would not get well. I cried so much. Then i made the decision to put her out of her misery and had her put down. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It has only been 3 days without my baby and it feels like a lifetime without her. I just want her back with me and I know that will never happen. It hurts so much to live life without her. Not 1 second of the day goes by that I just want to cry and wish for a miracle that she would still be with me. I really dont believe that the pain will ever go away and that it will get easier. She was with me for almost 16 years of my life. She was my true and best friend. I wish that I could accept this, but somehow I cant. I dont see where it will ever get easier. My life is so empty without her. I still smell her scent in my house. I find little milk bone treats in the corners of rooms. I even found one of her nails that came off. I picked up and saved it. I did have her cremated and her ashes will be back in 2 weeks. I can hardly wait. Maybe it will help me with my healing...Hopefully, but I seriously doubt it. 03/17/13 Pennie, it is now 13 days w/o you. I'm still heartbroken. Today was a bad day for me since I woke up. I felt the need to look at the couch to see your beautiful brown eyes watching me do dishes and cook. Needless to say you were not no where in sight. But I believe I felt your presence. You were all around me..You will always be in my heart baby girl. I love you and i do know that 15 1/2 years was not long enough, but that was God's choice. I still wish you were here in my life. Please baby girl, help Mama. My heart is so broken. I miss you so much. Please come to visit me soon when I lay my head down at night to sleep. I need to know if you are ok. I just want to see you again my love, my baby girl. Love Moma 03/22/13 Hi my darlin angel.I miss you so very much. I got your ashes in and your urn is so beautiful. I feel your presence even more. I put you on the side of Chester's urn. I know that you are having fun with him. Having your ashes does not take my lonesomeness away. YOU not being here in my arms and my sight still makes me so sad. I still cry so much for you. I know that I need to accept that you are gone, but I cant. Camille keeps telling me to be strong and that you are in a better place and you are not sick and hurting anymore. Mommie knows all that but it still such a sad time for me.By the way, Camille "sissy" told me to write to you to tell you how much she loves you with all her heart and misses you so very much. Please try to come visit me when I sleep at night. I need to see your pretty little face, "baby girl". Maybe that would help me. Remember, mom used to call you her "baby girl" all the time. Cause you were. That will always be and I will never have another "baby girl" again. I promise. No other dog can or will ever replace you. No other dog will ever love me the way you did. No other dog will ever look at me like you did. I seen so much love in your eyes everyday when you would look at me. I can see you in my mind like as if you were right here with me. Mommie will go and I will come back to your sight again soon ok. With all my love and kisses, bye Baby Girl. Muah Muah MUah Muah!!!! 03/25/13 Hi Sissy. Guess what sugar. Mommie dreamed about you on Saturday. Words cant explain how happy I was. You looked great and well, not sick at all. You were so excited, happy, vibrant full of energy and beautiful. Everytime I would call your name, you would run behind me and guess what..The same candle that is at your gravesite was also in my dream. Everywhere you would run, the candle was your shadow. It would follow you. It was an amazing dream. I guess that was the sign I had been asking for from God. To let me know that you are OK. Thank God you are. But mommie on the other hand is still missing you so very much. But my heart does feel better knowing that you are ok. |
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