If you told me 14 years ago that a green iguana I "adopted" from my little brother would grow to be like a daughter to me and end up being one of the biggest inspirations in my life, I would have told you that you were crazy. And yet here I am today mourning the loss of my very best little girlfriend, Neina Sue, on what would have been her 14th birthday. |
Most people wouldn't think you can grow an attachment to a reptile. And before Neina, I probably would have agreed with you. I've had many pets before, but she was different. She was like having a living dinosaur, and I was absolutely fascinated by her every move: every blink, every walk, watching her eat, watching her see a bird in the sky, a new animal at the vet or something scary on TV-yes, she watched TV. I never got tired of watching her experience life every single day.
Anyone who met Neina, was very intrigued by her and adored her too. Vet techs, strangers, family and friends, would always be very cautious around her at first, and rightfully so, she was over 4 feet long, but she quickly melted their hearts. Everyone has at least one funny Neina story that they love sharing with me. I take pride in the many, many times I heard people say, "she's the best/sweetest/most well-behaved iguana I've ever met!" Sure I put hours every day into "socializing" her at a very young age, but it was her truly relaxed temperament and sweet face that won their hearts. She was calm, she was sweet and she loved people. Of course she was still a diva and she needed her space at times, but we had our unspoken agreements and I respected her boundaries (basically she trained me very, very well).
There was a time in her early years that I took her everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I took her to the park, to the beach, on vacation. Anywhere I went, as long as there was sun, Neina went too. She loved the car. She had her own spot where she could catch the best sun in the back window. People would stop and take pictures of her --she really was a mini celebrity everywhere she went :) She took it all in stride though and always trusted me to keep her safe. She grew to be quite large and very confident and curious about everything around her.
As she grew older, she slowed down a bit, spending most of her time on her perch, under her UVB and sun lamp in her large bedroom terrarium enjoying her window views of the pool, trees and wildlife in the back yard-we called this her retirement. In January 2017 Neina was diagnosed with cancer, which had spread from her stomach to her liver and other parts of her body. I was told the cancer was not treatable and there was nothing I could do but enjoy every day I have left with her. I was devastated and felt helpless, but did my best to be strong for her and stay positive.
Turns out, she had no idea she was sick. She lost some mobility and strength so we built her a safety ramp so she could slowly climb up to her modified perch. I surrounded her with love and photos, inspirational quotes and comforting words sent from her friends and family. I got her a cancer ribbon pin that said, "you're my hero". Her pin said, "I will never give up"...and she never did.
I will never forget the determination in her eyes those last few months of her life as she slowly climbed her way up to the top of her perch every morning, just as she always had. Neina renewed my faith in God. She taught me how to be patient and show unconditional love to and compassion for all animals-regardless of form. She taught me so much patience and how to slow down to enjoy quiet and peace. She taught me to be highly observant, and to see the importance of the most subtle of cues.
Less than 4 months after her diagnosis, Neina passed away peacefully in her sleep while I laid beside her. She was, and still is, my hero. I was truly blessed and lucky to have had Neina in my life as long as I did, and feel comfort knowing she is no longer in pain.
I miss my little green tanning buddy. I miss seeing her precious little face every day. I miss the way her face appeared to always be smiling. But most of all, I miss holding her and feeling the irreplaceable peace I felt knowing my little angel was still here with me. The unconditional love and friendship we share is an unbreakable bond. I still feel her presence with me everywhere, and live each day with confidence I will see her again.
I will close with the phrases I repeated to her every day. Mama loves you. You're a good girl. I'm so proud of you. Stay strong. I love you <3
7/16/18: Hello my sweet angel! Mama misses you so very much. I hope you're enjoying your time at Rainbow Bridge making new friends & relaxing in the warm sun rays w/ Sophie & Thack. You are so loved & bring so much happiness to me still every day. I saw so many feathers this week and I know you were with me-thank you for always looking out for your mom:) Mama loves you so much, Neina Sue. You're such a good girl! XOXO<3<3
7/9/18: Hello my sweet little angel! Mama misses you more than ever! I think about you every day! I hope you're relaxing at Rainbow Bridge in the warm sun rays & know how much you are loved. I can't wait until we are together forever. Mama loves you. Stay strong my sweet angel. You're a good girl:) XOXO<3<3
7/2/18: Hello my little munchkin! Mama misses you so much! I saw so many feathers this week, they always remind me of you:) I like to think it's a sign you show me that you're still watching over me. I hope you're enjoying your time at Rainbow Bridge, making friends and relaxing in the warm sun rays waiting patiently for mama. Don't forget how much you are loved and missed my sweet girl. Mama loves you. You're a good girl! XOXO<3<3
6/25/18: Hello my sweet angel! Yesterday was pap-pap's birthday. He is up in heaven too, and hopefully with you! We all remember him yelling "egads!" every time he saw you haha he didn't quite know how to handle your beautiful presence, but I know that pap would love and care for you because he loved me and you're my favorite little thing ever. I miss you so much & think of you often during the summer when I see the bunnies, birds and warm weather. I smile every time I pass the hosta we planted together-it's growing so big & tall. You would probably love (and eat) the hibiscus-we have 2 big plants now! Please relax at Rainbow Bridge my sweet girl and know mama loves you and thinks about you every day. I will be there soon enough to join you forever in heaven XOXO<3<3
6/18/18: Hello my sweet little angel! Mama misses you so much. This weekend was so beautiful outside-I know you would have loved it :) I hope you're relaxing at Rainbow Bridge in the sun with Thack and Sophie (your arms relaxed at your sides) knowing how much you are loved and missed every day. You're a good girl. Mama loves you so much XOXO <3<3
6/11/18: Neina Sue! Time sure is flying by my sweet girl! This week I'm sure you eagerly awaited as you welcomed your best friend and snuggle/tanning buddy Thackory Binx into Rainbow Bridge. We surely miss her here but feel comfort knowing you will have another familiar fur-baby to snuggle with & keep you company (and super warm too). You and her were such an odd, but perfectly precious, couple. Neither of you really craved close proximity with any other animals except with each other. I will never forget the day I came hope to see you both tanning under your UVB/UBA and sun lamps or when I found you both laying on the bed together:) those were good, happy days. I told her to tell you how much I love you and to keep you company until I get there. I can just imagine you, Sophie & Thack basking in the warm sun rays:) Please enjoy your time together as you wait for us. We will be there soon enough to join you all forever:) Mama loves you soooo much! XOXO<3<3
5/29/18: Hello my sweet little angel. Mama still misses you more than anything, but I know each day that passes is one day closer to being with you again:) We are opening the pool this week. I'm sure going to miss my little green tanning buddy again this year! Enjoy the sun at Rainbow Bridge my sweet girl. Relax with your arms back at your sides and know how much you are loved and appreciated every day. Mama loves you. You're a good girl XOXO<3<3
5/21/18: Hello my little angel! I miss you & think about you every day my sweet lil girl. It rained most of this week, but when the sun came out it was very hot-your favorite climate;>~ The hostas are growing larger than ever. They always make me smile & think of you. I hope you're relaxing (arms flipped back) & enjoying the warm sun rays at RB and know how much you are loved and appreciated. Mama loves you. You're a good girl XOXO <3<3
5/14/18: Hello my sweet little girl!! I missed you so much this week! I was outside enjoying the weather this weekend & working in the flower bed where we we planted together last year. I hope you're relaxing and enjoying the sun at RB. Mama loves you XOXO<3<3
5/7/18:Hello my sweet Neina Sue! Mamas surgery went well. I was thinking of you a lot, sending extra love, cuddles & kisses to you on your 1 yr. I hope you're enjoying your time at RB:) Someone sent mama a very thoughtful message asking you to send me sign that you are watching over me...that same night I was sitting outside with Mr. Jon by the fire pit that you so carefully supervised us making last spring ;) Just around dusk we saw the cutest little bunny hop up and sit by us. It stuck around for a good long while, and made me smile so much thinking of you :) Thank you for being my sweet little earth angel. You're such a good girl! Things are not the same without you here, but I'm holding on to so many happy memories knowing you're watching over me & I'll see you soon enough. Mama loves you XOXO<3<3
4/30/18: Hello my little angel! Mama has a surgery tomorrow. You always kept me company and helped me recover quickly so I'm sure I will be thinking and dreaming of you 😊 On Wednesday it will be 1 year since you passed, and I can't believe it! It seems like yesterday you were here in my arms, basking in your room. I miss you so much every day my sweet girl. I think about you all the time and remember all the happy memories we had for many years-so many memories. I know I'll see you again soon at Rainbow Bridge, but until then please know that I love you more than anything. You're such a good girl! XOXO<3<3
4/24/18: Hello my sweet little angel! I can't believe it's almost been a year since you left this earth for Rainbow Bridge. My love for you remains strong & I miss you more than ever my sweet girl. The weather was so pretty this weekend and I know you would have been out with me planting trees again. The flower garden we planted together last year is coming back-including the hosta you tried to eat;>~ I smile so big every time I see it. So many lovely, happy memories of you-thank you for being my little earth angel and keeping mama company for so many years. You are such a blessing. Mr. Jon picked out the picture this week of you for the Monday candle light ceremony. He laughed seeing how cute and tiny you were when you were just a baby Nenita and G-matty painted your finger and toe nails bright red. Mama loves you so much. You're such a good girl XOXO<3<3
4/16/18: Hello my sweet angel! I miss you so much<3 I had another lovely dream about you last night. You were so sweet & adorable. You were trying to get a good bathtub soak as you always did😊 You were happy and healthy just like I imagine you at Rainbow Bridge. It made me so happy to see you even if only in my dreams my sweet baby girl. You're such a good girl. Mama loves you so much!! XOXO<3<3
4/9/18: Hello my sweet girl! Mama was in Florida & saw a lot of iguanas roaming around freely in the humidity and basking in the warm sun-2 of your favorite things😊None of them were as sweet or adorable as you, but they were cute & made me smile thinking of you;-* I hope you're in heaven comfortably relaxing in the sun knowing how much you are loved & missed every day. I can't wait to see you again my little green nugget. Mama loves you. You're such a good girl XOXO<3<3
4/2/18: Neina Sue! Mama misses you so much my sweet lil angel😊 I keep finding adorable pics of you, they are like little gifts that brighten my day and make me smile thinking of all the wonderful, happy memories with you. It's starting to get warmer outside & I sure would love to bask in the warm sun with you. I wish we were together but know you're up in heaven waiting for mama at Rainbow Bridge. I'll see you soon enough my sweet girl and look forward to the day we are reunited forever. You're such a good girl. Mama loves you and misses you soooo much!! XOXO <3<3
3/26/18: Hello my sweet little angel! I miss you so much sweet pea! The little wild animals are starting to return & roam around outside. I remember you staring at them from your window-always so cautious:) I imagine you in heaven doing the same, basking in the warm sun rays with your arms back. I hope you know how much you are loved and missed every day. Mama loves you. You're a good girl XOXO<3<3
3/19/18: Hello my sweet angel. As I fell asleep last night, all I wanted was to dream of you, and I did. In my dream I was carrying you every where with me. And I was so happy because I had you with me. I had the greatest day today thinking about how great that felt:) I miss you so much. I know I carry you with me every day whether you're physically here or not. I love you and am missing you more than ever. Thank you for being such a blessing to me in my life. I hope you're enjoying the warm sun rays in heaven. Until I see you again...Mama loves you. You're a good girl! XOXO<3<3
3/12/18: Hi my sweet little Neina Sue! I miss you so much! The birds started coming around lately, & they always remind me of you with their inquisitive personalities. Like the birds, I imagine you "flying" free in heaven. I know you're healthy, safe & warm there😊 I can't wait to see you again. Mama loves you. You're a good girl XOXO<3<3
3/5/18: Hello my sweet little angel. Mama misses you SO much! It's been cold at the house this week-you would hate it;>~ I rest assured knowing you're warm & safe in heaven. I imagine you basking in the sun, with your arm flipped back to your side-very healthy & green:) I can't wait to see you
2/26/18: Hello my sweet little angel! Mama misses you so much. I hope you're relaxing at Rainbow Bridge in the sun with your arms flipped back at your side, and know how much you are loved and missed every day. I can't wait to see you in heaven my sweet girl:) Thank you for so many years of happy memories. You're a good girl. Mama loves you XOXO<3<3
2/19/18: Little angel! It's mama again. Time is flying by, but you're always on my mind and keeping me strong throughout each day. I miss u so much my sweet girl. You brought so much joy to our lives & I can't wait until I see ur precious little face again in heaven😊 Until that blessed day, rest and enjoy the warm sun rays. Mama will see you soon enough. You're a good girl.Mama loves u XOXO<3<3
2/12/18: Hello my lil pumpkin nugget! This week was so crazy! I could sure use ur calming spirit right about now😊 Remember when you stayed by my side so many late nights during my undergrad? I smiled so big every time I looked over and saw you sleeping so peacefully. I loved that. Now, as I write my grad papers, I can't help but wish you were here by my side. I sure miss your cute little face! Until we meet again, relax in the sun my sweet angel. You're a good girl. Mama loves you. XOXO<3<3
2/5/18: Hello my sweet little green angel. Mama misses you so much! I can't believe another week has gone by already. I had a lovely dream about you and it made me so happy. I was holding you and we were looking out over the water-so pretty. I hope you're relaxing in the sun with ur arms flipped back:) I can't wait until the day we are reunited forever:D Mama loves you so much. You're such a good girl XOXO<3<3
1/29/18: Hello my precious little angel! I can't believe another whole week has gone by. Mama has been sick with the flu, and missing you so much. The weather was warmer this week so I was able to see & hear the birds outside. It made me smile remembering all the mornings we watched & listened to the birds together😊Until we are reunited forever, please relax in the sun and know how much you are loved and missed my sweet girl. I love you. You're such a good girl XOXO<3<3
1/22/18: Hello my little angel! Mama sure missed you this week. We've been making lots of noise doing projects around the house-you would definitely not approve😊 I'd love more than anything to see that intense face of disapproval you made so often around loud noises and maybe a few head bobs so that I remembered that you were actually always in charge haha ;>~ I think about you more than ever & hope you always know how much we love you & miss you. Relax in the sun my sweet girl. Mama loves you so much. You're a good girl XOXO<3<3
1/15/18: Hello my sweet little angel. I missed you so much this week! I wish I could hug you forever<3 The weather is so cold and we used your heater to keep us warm:) What a blessing you are to us. We love u and are sending all our love to u every day. Relax in the sun my sweet girl. Mama loves you XOXO<3<3
1/8/18: Hello my sweet angel! I miss your precious little face so much! Mama started her 2nd class for grad school this week. I keep your picture in front of my monitor for motivation😊 Mr. Jon repurposed the wood from your climbing perch to make mama a desk for school. Sitting in your "iguana green" painted room at this desk and looking out the same window you did every day makes me feel so connected to you. I'm still so proud of you for fighting cancer every day. You're such a brave little girl and you'll always be my hero! Until I can see you again, please enjoy relaxing in the sun at Rainbow Bridge, mama will be along in good time with lots of kisses and everlasting hugs for you. You're a good girl. I love you sweet pea xoxo<3<3
1/1/18: Happy New Year my sweet little angel! Mama missed you a lot this week. Starting a new year without you is not as special or exciting, but I am still enjoying all the pictures I have of you and cherish the memories. Enjoy resting in the sun at RB my sweet angel😊I love you. You're such a good girl XOXO<3<3
12/25/17: Merry Christmas my sweet little angel puff! Mama missed you more than ever today. Christmas wasn't the same without you, but I am very happy you're at peace. Mama is sending all her love to you today and wrapping my arms around you in an everlasting hug😊 Relax in the sun my sweet baby girl. Mama loves you. You're a good girl. We all miss you sweet pea. You're my best little girl friend xoxo<3<3
12/18/17: Hello my sweet little angel. Mama missed you this week! Christmas is around the corner & it doesn't feel the same without you but I'm happy you're at peace and not in pain. I still decorated your room & door with your stocking, mini fire place and wreath...now all I need is you in your little Santa costume😊 Mama is sending extra special love to you at Rainbow Bridge. You were the best little gift I ever had-what a precious blessing?! You're a good girl. Mama loves you<3<3
12/11/17: Hello my sweet angel. I missed you this week! I finally downloaded pics from all my old cell phones & now am enjoying thousands of pics I took of you. I could never have enough memories of your sweet face😊 I hope you're relaxing in the sun & know how much you are loved. You're a good girl. Mama loves you.<3<3<3
12/4/17: Hello my sweet little angel! Mama has been busy with school, but I keep your picture in front of my monitor so I can see your adorable face staring back at me:)I miss you more than words could ever say, but am happy you're at peace in a wonderful place. You're a good girl. Mama loves you.Stay strong<3<3
11/27/17: Hello my sweet little angel. Mama sure missed you a lot this week! Thanksgiving wasn't the same without you but don't worry, I ate enough sweet potatoes for both of us 😊 I hope you're enjoying your time at Rainbow Bridge & basking in the warm sun rays. I am always thinking about you and smiling remembering your sweet face until I can see you again. Mama loves you. You're a good girl <3<3
11/20/17: Hello my precious little angel. Mama missed you this week! It was G-Matty's birthday on Saturday. We both talk about you a lot & miss you so much<3 I hope you & Sophie Lynn are relaxing together in the sun & waiting for us to join you at Rainbow Bridge😊 xoxo Mama loves you! You're a good girl <3<3
11/13/17: Hello my sweet little green angel! Your blankets still smell like you. I don't even know how that's possible, but I love it. Yesterday I was outside in the back yard & kept looking up at your window expecting to see you staring back & watching my every move 😊 it still makes me smile. I sure missed you a lot this week & hope you're relaxing at Rainbow Bridge in the sun & waiting for mama. You're a good girl. Mama loves you <3<3
11/6/17: Hello my sweet little angel! It's Monday again, and it's time to send you some extra love <3 I missed you a lot this week. Mama's been busy with work & school, but I'm always thinking of you & smiling, just remembering all the wonderful times we had & joy you brought into our lives. I hope you received the sweet message G-Matty sent to you. We all miss seeing you in your adorable Halloween costumes (My little green Wonder Woman) :>~ You're such a good girl! Rest peacefully and relax in the sun until I see you again. XOXO Mama loves you<3<3
10/30/17: Hello my sweet angel! I sure missed you a lot this week! I went through some old pics from when you were a tiny ig-baby. They made me smile, especially the ones of you in the newspaper on the front page-you were always such a ham for the camera:>~ I just posted some pics of you dressed up for Halloween. I know you didn't like wearing all the costumes, but thank you for humoring me. You were my favorite Halloween witch, pumpkin, bumblebee and Wonder Woman :-D You are loved and missed a lot. Thank you for leaving us with so many great memories to keep us smiling. Enjoy basking in the sun my good little girl, mama loves you always<3<3
10/23/17: Hello my sweet little green angel:) I sure missed you again this week! I can't believe it's been over 5 months since you passed & entered Rainbow Bridge. I hope you're enjoying the sun & feeling comforted knowing how much you are loved. Thank you for bringing so much joy & peace into our lives. I'm always thinking of you xoxo Mama loves you <3<3
10/16/17: I have really enjoyed posting to the Monday night candle ceremony each week, but wanted to post some messages to you here as well. This week sure has been busy! I'm getting settled into your room now that I started grad school. We painted it iguana green, so I'm sure you'd be pleased with it :>~ My desk is set up right in front of the window so I can enjoy the same views you did while I'm working. I have definitely felt your presence a lot this week, and it always warms my heart. I love seeing little things everywhere that remind me of you-they give me so much peace and comfort. I had the most lovely dream a few nights ago. You were in your room, alive like nothing happened. It brought indescribable joy to see you in good health, it's exactly how I imagine you at Rainbow Bridge-basking in the beautiful sun rays, getting a little green tan, throwing your arms back to your sides for comfort, and then flicking your tongue a few times to show you're happy, confident and curious. Thank you for being such a good little angel to me while you were on earth, and continuing to be with me in spirit each day. I love you and miss you more than words could ever describe. I'm eagerly awaiting the day we can be reunited at Rainbow Bridge-never to be separated again. In the meantime, mama has a lot of work to do, and I want you to be happy and relax in the sun my sweet princess :) Mama loves you <3<3
10/9/17: Hello my little angel puff. I sure did miss u this week! I went to Ocean City & it reminded me of when we used to go to get away, relax on the beach, & catch some sun. I found a feather in my hair & knew you were there in spirit this time. You're a good girl. Stay strong sweet pea. Mama loves you<3<3