Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity." (Henry Van Dyke)|
This poem is so fitting for Murphy. The love that was shared between us was so special. From the time I picked him up at the shelter in Greenville, SC, he was special. We didn't know the limp he had was in fact a result of having been hit by a car and needed surgery! A week later, he had his hip operated on which left his rear leg shorter. I thought he was in pain and took him to get massages to make sure of it. He was able to run, but I could tell he tired out easily because of the prior injury.
That didn't stop him from trying to chase after squirrels and stray cats in the neighborhood. It made me laugh seeing him try his hardest to catch one of them. Never happened!
Each week, we would drive to the recycling in Davie FL where Murphy to proceed to run close to the fence far from where I parked the car near the recycling. It was his ritual to run and the tall grass, do his business while keeping an eye on me. After I finished with the recycling, I would start calling him to come back. It never failed that he would run the opposite way. I would laugh because he did this every week. Then I would call and say I was leaving and proceeded to open the back door of the car. When he didn't promptly come, I would call out that I was leaving, and pretend to get in the start ready to leave. I would peak out the rear window to see him running towards the car. The routine was the same each week. How I miss that.
12/8/16 Murphy, I am sending notes to those who lost their beloved fur children like I did. It gives me a little peace knowing that my heartfelt words may help those grieving as I am. There are many others who had a wonderful bond with their fur babies, and they need all the support they can at this time. Know that my loss helps me truly understand what they are feeling.
You are always in my mind and heart. I know you are happy and able to run freely. Knowing that makes me happy.
12/22/16 I'm pretty sure I saw you in my dreams the other night. What I saw was an image of you and I sensed it was you. This made me so happy! I also know that you are with me most if not all days so that we can continue our journey together in our hearts. Ross has been dreaming about you too. No surprise since you two were best buds.
Some people who lost their fur babies are having a hard time with the holidays and not having their angels with them. That is how I felt for a good part of this year since you left your fur suit. What I did not realize until just recently is that you have always been by my side, I was just too sad and depressed and missed you so much to realize it. Now I know that you have always been with me because we have such a connection. For that, I am so grateful and thank my sweet Murphy for being in my heart and life.
2/5/17 Tuesday it will be a year since you transitioned out of your fur suit and into spirit. I am so happy you are in my life in any form, yet I still have that aching feeling in my heart because you are not physically here with Ross and me. We miss seeing you every day. Both of us talk to you and tell you how much we love it. I can tell when you are near me because I will cry out of the blue. You also come visit me at night and in my dreams. This gives me some comfort. For the last couple of months, I have been thinking about adopting another shelter dog. Many I work with melt my heart but the timing just didn't seem right. I think that time will be soon. One day while I am volunteering at the shelter, I will find a dog that wants to come home with me. The dogs I seem to gravitate towards are the pit bulls. They are so sweet and gentle. We shall see. I love you Murphy.
2/7/17 I can't believe it has been a whole year since you transitioned over. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Knowing you are happy and pain free gives me some comfort, but I have to admit that my heart has not healed. I've been reading on how I can see the signs that you are here with me. Sometimes its difficult to see them. Other times, especially when I am dreaming, I actually see you although you do not look like my fur baby did. Now you are more like a bright light which is fitting because you were always a source of light and happiness for me and Ross. Our love for you has not diminished.
3/4/17 I thought I would feel very emotional on the one year anniversary of your transition. It was easier than I expected. Maybe its because I know you are still with Ross and me. We have conversations with you like we did when you were physically with us. I think I'm happy knowing you are happy and running free with the other doggies.
Next week, I am taking a foster care class so I can start fostering. Will that make you happy knowing I am helping dogs transition into a loving home?
3/18/17 I took the fostering class the came home to discuss it with Ross who quickly said I would become too attached to the fosters. So now we're going to adopt! You would think it would be so easy to find another fluffy to come home with me since I'm at the shelter most weekends. It's not. I have a feeling it's going to be soon.
5/21/17 Well, today is your 11th birthday day. As I sit here with the crocheted blanket that Aunt TT made for you, I can smell you. Your energy is very strong today which gives me comfort and happiness. Knowing you visit Ross and me makes us both happy as we love you which you already know. Oh, the other night, Ross made a turkey. I asked him if he let you know that he was making it. He said you discussed it with you and you were happy. :)
6/21/17 I wait patiently for Ross to come around to adopting another dog. He seems to be coming around but I keep my mouth shut because I don't want to prolong it any longer. In the meantime, I am getting my dog fit at Animal Friends where there are so many wonderful dogs that I would just love to bring home with me. I can't wait for the day when I can share with you the happy news of an addition to our family. He/she won't be a replacement to you which will never happen, but another loving, caring dog that I can take on long walks and of course, spoil.
9/30/17. As I write this, I am thinking how much better I feel about your transition. Maybe it's because you never left me to begin with. I do miss snuggling with you which was the hardest part to get over.
11/26/17. School is coming to a close which is good because I can use a break even though Ross and I took time off for Thanksgiving. We talked a little bit about gifts for the holidays and I said I would like to adopt another dog. Ross was thinking more on the line of another computer. No thank you. I can easily go to the shelter, walk one of the dogs waiting for their forever home, and see which one would be happy with me. If it were up to me, I would take all of them as I love them equally. TBD
On a side note, I am very happy that you visit with Ross and me. You usually sit with me in the morning when I meditate and do my morning routine before work. You also have been putting your paw on my right hand. This makes me so happy. The bond remains strong.
2/3/18 It's coming up to the two year anniversary of your transition, and you would think I would handle it better. Better compared to last year but it still hurts not physically see you and care for you every day. I know that you visit Ross and me. With continued practice, I will be able to communicate with you better. I know that you have been in contact with Mom, Dad, Tom, Shatzie, Fritzie, Baby and Dutchess, and it will be nice to communicate with them too. I love you Murphy but you already know that. ♥