My baby Moufle was my only live in companion for most of her 19 years here. We forged a bond stronger than any I have seen or felt before or since. I will be adding tidbits about her life here as I recall them. I have placed boxes here as she loved to climb inside boxes and bags! She chased feathers and balls, but mostly she loved to cuddle. Everywhere I went she would follow me, in the rooms of the house, in the garage, the garden. She loved the sunbeams and the fireplace, and my lap. She loved to be warm. She was a very good girl, always very well behaved. I miss her falling asleep on my chest every night. She has never been alone and I pray the residents of Rainbow Bridge keep her safe until we can be together again.|
5/13/2013 I awoke early this Monday to give Moufle her fluid injection as we were still awaiting thyroid test results. This was her 3rd day of fluids, the vet had done it over the weekend. Moufle was patient as she trusts me thoroughly. She walked away with a big puff on the side of her body. I will forever regret that I did not call in sick to stay home with her today, her last day. I drove to work where I received the call from the vet at 9am. It was not the thyroid, we needed xrays. I checked my accrued vacation and sick time, I did not have much. I stayed at work leaving at 1:30pm. There was a huge thunder and lighning storm on my way home. I said aloud in the car, "even God is crying".
I walked in the door of the apt calling out "Moufl-ie! Mama's home!" She moved very slowly but immediately came out of the bedroom, where her cat bed was on the floor by the heat vent, right by the bed where I sleep. I sat on the floor with my legs straight, she lay in the crook as usual, her front paws on my knees. I pet her for about 8 minutes, then she got up and sat facing away from me. Her breathing was very fast, something I had noticed only a few days before.
I changed into some clothes that could be soiled. I somehow knew this was the end. I packed one of her many kitty blankets and the fluid bag and needles. I opened a fresh can of tuna, and poured the juice into a plate. "Moufle! Tuna juice! Tuna juice!". To my surprise she drank some. She had not been eating or drinking much for the last 2 weeks. She then went to lay in her kitty bed by the heating vent. I turned the heat to 70, letting her be warm as she loved that.
Moving in a trance now, my friend came to drive us. The sun was shining. I opened the top of the box and she lay in my lap. I stroked her the whole way there. They Xrayed her and told us it would be a 20 minute wait for the results. I sat on the bench and a lady asked if she could see Moufle, and what was wrong? I told her, and she asked if I needed someone to stay with me. She then told me to find Rainbow Bridge, that it would help me. The xrays showed a mass of tumors in her entire body. I asked "Can we do it now?". He went to get the nurse.
I laid the blanket in my lap and lay Moufle there. She buried her face into my side. She kicked hard when it came and in a flash, she was gone. I pet her and told her I loved her so so so much, that I was so sorry baby girl, I was so sorry. The vet took her away to be cremated. I took the next 2 days off work, I could not sleep or eat, only pray and cry. I have been in a haze ever since. I miss her more than anything I have ever felt.
5/23/13 Good morning baby Moufle-y. Mama still thinks you're there at the foot of the bed every day and I still talk to you aloud as though you are here, my baby girl. The pain is still very raw but the wonderful people here have assured me that you are safe and happy in the meadow. They have all told me that you are not alone and that you and the others are playing together in the sunshine, unhindered by old age. I know that the Lord is watching over you, and over me, until we can be together again. I miss you so much. Mama loves you baby girl, mama loves you.
5/24 I picked up your ashes today. I have placed them in the bedroom so that you will be near me. That was our private time, our snuggle time, every night in bed before we went to sleep. I never slept without you and I won't ever again. I have placed the candles near you so you can feel the warmth. I light them every day.
5/28/13 Hi there kitty Moufle, my muffin pants. It's been 2 weeks now and I have had to place a pile of clothes on the bed where you used to lay. When I wake up in the middle of the night I still reach with my foot to be sure you are there. If I don't feel anything I wake up fast, and cannot go back to sleep. The weight of the clothes somehow comforts me. I still talk to you and ask your direction on decisions I must make. The lease is up soon but I don't know if I can leave the apt, this was OUR home. Once I move to a new place your presence won't be there.
5/29/13 Hi baby I have lit a candle for you tonight. It is a candle blessed with the energy Creating Sacred Space. I want to be sure that even if I have to move to a different apt that you and I have a special place, Our place. always and forever. I have placed the cards that I have received, and your first favorite toy, with your ashes on the dresser by my bed so that we will be together every night as we always were. Good night my precious Moufle. I love you. Kisses from mama.
6/5/13 Hi there baby pumpkin muffin, mama's here. How are you muffin? I have been praying a lot asking God to be sure that you are OK, that you are warm and that you are not alone. I miss you so much baby. Your litter box has been moved tot he garage but all your toys and scratching posts are still in the same place. Your kitty paw prints are on the porch where you left them that last week you were here. I will not allow anyone on the porch. I want to keep them forever. I hope you have found some company there, to be with until we can be together again. I love you muffin pants, sleep well my baby girl. Mama loves you.
6/10/13 Moufle-y kitty mama's here. I am especially sad today. It has been exactly 4 weeks and I miss you so much baby. I hope and pray every single day, that the Lord is watching over you and providing you with warmth and comfort. I hope that you are happy and not alone. I do not want you to be cold or scared or alone ever. I am thinking of you every minute and loving you and missing you so much baby. I will see you again when it is time. You stay warm pumpkin, mama loves you very, very much. Goodnight baby girl. I love you.
6/20/13 Hi there Moufle baby, I have asked God every night to please look over you. I have told him that you don't like to be alone, or cold, and could he please keep you warm. Baby I miss you so much. I so wish you were here sitting in my lap as I type. I cry for you every night. The other day in yoga class I looked down and one of your kitty hairs was on my leg. I remember how you loved to lay on the yoga mat every time I unrolled it, we would end up just lying there next to each other. One of your hairs must have stuck to the mat. I finished the class with tears steaming down my face. Yogis are very loving people thank goodness. The Frontline sticker is on the calendar for Sunday. Baby I know you didn't want to leave me but baby you were having a hard time breathing. Every time you'd wake up you'd swallow hard, like you were choking or something. I mentioned it to all 3 vets and only Dr Mark looked down your throat. He sent a lovely condolence for you baby. Next time I log on I'll share it with you. I love you. I'm going to blow out the candle and go to sleep now baby. I wish I could hold you tonight. Good night baby moufl-ie, pumpkin face. I love you. Kit-cat go Bed-by? Goodnight baby mama loves you.xxooo
7/7/13 Hi baby girl I love you how are you baby? Tomorrow is 8 weeks and it feels like just yesterday you were here pushing your head against me to ask for pets. I have been missing you more and more, so very much. I am so sad that you are gone and sad that I failed you on several occasions when you wanted me to stay home and pet you and I went out instead. I so wish that I had it to do all over again I would have been much more forgiving of your needs. I am so sorry baby girl. I love you more than anything you know that. I hope that you are warm and safe, and that you hear me every night when I say goodnight and that I love you. I miss you pumpkin. Good night baby. Mama loves you xxooo
7/21/13 Hi pumpkin, mama's here. I have been missing you and crying for you more than usual these past few weeks. Having your ashes beside the bed helps a little, but I am missing our snuggle time so very very much. I cry for you every night as I lay down and you are not there to share space with me in our bedroom, on the bed as we slept together every night. I miss you so much baby Moufle. I hope that you have found friends to keep you company on the bridge until I can be with you again. I hope that you are warm and safe and not alone. I love you baby. mama loves you so much. I miss you so badly. Until we are together again, please stay warm and safe. XXOOO
8/8/13 Hi there baby girl, mama misses you especially bad today. I opened a can of tuna and for the first time I poured the juice down the sink. I began to cry for you again Moufle, I am wanting so badly to feel your soft fur on my face again. I hope that you have settled in at the Bridge and made a friend or 2 to keep you company until we can be together again. Honey I miss you so so much. I hope you are happy and pain free and no longer struggling to breathe or jump and climb trees. You so loved to do that when you were younger. I miss you pumpkin. I love you so very much. Good night my little one. Until next time XXOOO
8/25/13 Hi baby Moufl-ie, it has now been 15 weeks since I last held you in my arms. This past week has been especially hard. It is summerand that is when you used to lay stretched out in the sun on the porch with me as I worked in the garden or ate dinner at the table out there. I am so alone without you baby and I am very very sad that I did not take an extra 5 minutes to tell you how much I loved you before they gave you the shot. I thought it was going to be slow but it was very fast and there was no time. I am so sad. I hope that you forgive me. I love you so much. I hope that you are safe and warm on th bridge honey. Please know that I love you so much. Have a good night pumpkin and I will see you again when it is time. Kisses XXOOO
2/13/14 Hi baby Moufle, my baby muffin pants. Mama has not forgotten you. I have moved to a new place and have struggled this past year without you. This is the first place I have lived without you for almost 20 years. The struggles that I have gone through lately would have been so much easier to bear if I had had you to come home to every night. I miss you so much more than anything I have ever felt. I miss you in my lap, on my chest every night as I fall asleep. I still feel so much guilt over the place we moved to during the last year of your life. Your happiness meant the world to me and I fear I had let you down. I pray to God that you are at rest, at peace and that we will be together again some day. I long to hold you and stroke your chin and ears. I hope that you are warm and not alone; I know you hated to be alone. I love you and miss you so so very much baby. Please know that I send all of my love to you. One day the tears may stop but even then I will love you and be missing you. Stay warm pumpkin, mama loves you. Good night XXOOO
5/9/14 Hi there baby Moufle, I have been placing your ashes on the foot of the bed at night when I sleep lately. I have been feeling so alone without you. There is so much I want to tell you and share with you, if only you were here with me. Mama has bought a house and will be moving again soon. I so wish that you were moving there with me. I think when I get there that I will finally get another kitty to keep me company. You were such a good girl, never scratched the furniture or anything like that. I hope to get another kitty just as good as you. I want you to know that I will always love you honey, you were my life for 19 years, I will always have you in my heart. But maybe there are other kitties out there who need love also, and you will of course be there with us in the new home. I love and miss you so much baby. I hope that you are warm and safe and that others on the Bridge are keeping you company until we can be together again. Much much love to you baby girl. I will love you always. XXOOO
9/22/2014 Baby Moufle my beloved I miss you so very much. My life has been a mess lately and I am so lost. You were the only steady thing that I have ever had in my life and I miss you so very very much. I sleep with your ashes in the foot of the bed lately, looking for some anchor, some comfort to hold on to. I have been crying for you a lot lately I miss you so much baby girl. I would give anything for you to be with me here with me tonight. I love you pumpkin, I love you so much. I hope you have found friends to be with at the Bridge until we can be together, I love you, I miss you, Be warm baby. I will pet you in my dreams and thoughts every day. Good night baby girl XXOOO
3/1/15 Hi Baby girl I hope that you are staying warm and happy while you are waiting for me. I cried so hard last night and held you in my lap while I drank tea and then we went to bed together. I am so lonely but not sure if I am able to get another kitty. I miss you so very much. I long to hold you and feel your kisses. I miss you so much baby girl. Please stay warm and know that mama loves you so. Good night baby, xxooo
3/11/15 Hi baby Moufle my precious baby girl. Mama is missing you so much today, I wish that you were here to warm my lap and give me kisses. I dream of you each night and cannot wait until I feel you again in my lap in heaven. I love you baby, so much. I hope you are warm and happy. I miss you baby girl. XXOOOO Mama
5/2/2015 Hi pumpkin, I have been thinking of you so much lately. I almost got another kitty about 2 weeks ago. I visited her in the shelter and even bought food and litter for her. I washed your old bed, got your toys and scratching posts out, and then I just could not do it, I miss YOU Moufle, and I don't think I will ever be able to have another kitty. I would want them to be just like you. I miss you so very much baby girl, I cry at night sometimes because I want you there beside me. I know how much you hated being alone and I hope so much that you are not alone while waiting for me. I hope the angels are taking care of you until I can be there with you. I love you so much Moufle. I will always love and miss you honey. I hope you are warm and happy. I miss you so much. Good night little pumpkins. Mama loves you baby. XXOOO
10/14/15 Hi there baby girl. I have been so lonely without you. Mama has been having lots of health issues this year. Today I went to the cardiologist and I wanted so badly to have you here at home to snuggle with when I got home from the clinic. I am wanting to get another kitty to snuggle with but I am so afraid that I will want her to be just like you, and be sad if she isn't. I am crying right now, I miss you so very very much baby girl. I hope that you are warm and safe, and that you have other babies to sleep with and play with. I know how you so hated to be alone, and I will never forgive myself for that last day you were here on earth. I did not stay home with you and I knew I needed to but I didn't. I want you to know that I love you and I miss you so badly. Please stay warm tonight, it is getting cold out. I love you baby. I always will love you so much. XXOOO good night pumpkin baby.
4/28/2018 My dear sweet baby Moufle, my baby girl. I cannot believe I have not typed here for over 2 years. Just last week I held the box with your ashes and cried and cried. I miss you so much and feel so much guilt over how I did not treat you better in tbe very end. I am still not ready to adopt another even though I am all alone. I miss having you and keep thinking of another kitty. I put your box at the end of the bed and sleep with you and talk to you. I miss you so much honey. I can feel your weight on my chest at night when I lie down and miss hearing you meow and lick my face. I hope you are warm and happy and still waiting for me baby. I miss you and want you to be safe. Until we meet again baby girl. Mama loves you so so much. XXOO hugs
4/13/19 Hi there moufl-y my baby girl mama misses you so much baby. I have been holding your ashes and bringing them to bed with me. I have been crying out for your forgiveness in treating you so badly those last weeks of your life. You gave me 19 years and I was not there for you in the way that I should have been. Honey I love you so much and I'm so sorry that I lost you the way I did. I cannot wait for the day we will be together again so that I can hold you and feel your soft purring body on my chest again. Mama loves you and misses you so very much. I hope you are warm and happy and have lots of friends to keep you happy on the Rainbow Bridge. I love you baby. XOXO
5/12/19 Hi baby Moufle, mama is sad today. I've been thinking of you so much this week. Tomorrow marks 6 years since that terrible day that has haunted me ever since. I will never forgive myself for letting you die in fear. I am so sad a grief stricken over how you died. I will never forgive myself or the doctor for not telling me it would be violent. For years I had it all planned that it would be peaceful and I failed you in the end. Baby please forgive me, I love you SO much and I would do anything to have you stretched out on my lap again. I loved stroking your back and having you sleep on me all the time. Honey I miss you so much. I hope you are warm and safe on the rainbow bridge, and that you have other doggies to snuggle with and play with. I will be there one day and I will look for you and we can be together forever. I love you baby girl, mama loves you so much. Goodnight sweetheart, snuggle bunny. I love you.