We rescued our little Mister bear on March 24th 2009. His family lost their home and were living in their car. They dropped him off at a shelter then a small rescue group, neutered him and brought him into our path. They left no information, no name, no medical history. While my wife was adoring the puppies, I saw him mending in a kennel behind the table at their puppy adoption booth in a petsmart. I asked the woman about him and she told me his story and that he was in pain because he just got fixed the day prior. I got to hold him and his uneasy state broke my heart. I felt that we needed to show him what real family commitment is about. We paid a reasonable rescue fee and took him home that day. He fit into our family quickly. We had two other Chihuahua's. Moco and Lucy who were still a bit younger than Mister. They estimated Mister to be 5-7 years old. If you couldn't already tell we named him Mister because we never new his previous name. He took to The name Mister like he took to his new family. When I call him today, my heart ripples with pain since he no longer with us to answers my calls with a happy tail, happy prance, with a cheesy whimper and little barks. His life ended when a family member neglected to see him as they whipped out the recliner they occupied. It threw him into our wooden coffee table where he colapsed, barely conscious and breathing, I performed CPR on him and my sister and I rushed him to a local urgent care. They stablized him and I got to see him before we left home. It brought our laborday to a surreal horror. Will he live thru the night or not. That night we cried, we could barely sleep. Our daughter who Mister adored, and she favored Mister, was three at the time slept in the bed with us. I even allowed our other chihuahua's in bed with us. We were all concerned, only then when my Lucy slept on my chest it calmed my anxiety and allowed me to sleep. The next day we picked him up, he was mostly paralyzed from the spinal pain or head trouma. The x-rays told us little and his level 5 heart murmur eliminated any options for surgeries. I was ready to go ask for a loan and would have sold everything to save him. Our pain was so great, his relationship with our family was so incredible, I hate to say this but his personality was favored over our other two dogs. We favored him because he was so dosile with our daughter. They were sole mates and he and I were sole mates. I spent many times having staring contests with him, love peering stares. So much so it made my wife jealous. After we transfered him to our normal vet, they suggested the same fate, no options other than to watch him and wait, we waited in the day and only heard negative feedback. We were terrified of waiting and decided to pick him up, take him to the beach for anwhile of personal time then take him back to let him go, when we saw him, he was in so much pain he was seizing, he started to roll on his back, they tried to resuscitate him but to no avail, the vet had to give him his last shot. I wanted him to be in my arms so we can wish him farewell, so he would know we were there with him while he left us. We didn't get that. Mister was brought into the room so we could say farewells to his body. Mister still was very active, he would have lived at least another 3-5 years. Its been almost two months, and all I think about is him, when I wake up, to when I go to sleep. His loss has changed my life. The grief is so intense I've wept, begged and imagined this was all a bad dream but it isn't. His loss is real. All I can do is sit with his ashes, his pictures and video's and remember him. My wife was 6 months prego when this happened, we had dreams and talked about how our newly born son would also win Misters heart, and how Drake would love Mister too. A peice of all of us died with him, a part of my soul he took, my heart is still in pain everyday. I once feared and dreaded death, this loss has changed me, I now look forward to death, because I will be reunited with him. The only torture now, is that I must live out my life without him, I must lay my other dogs to an eternal slumber. My life will never be the same. It is one thing to have a dog live his full life with his family, but we weren't ready for Mister to go, he was torn from our lives so quickly. My economic logic thinks we spent too much money to save him already, that was the deciding factor, take him to an expensice nuerologist or take him to our affordable ASPCA Vet. If I would have known I was going to be this impacted by his loss, I would have sold everything I could to save his little sweet life his sweet soul. He didn't deserve to die, not like this. I'm going to live with this regret for the rest of my life. |
I want to sell everything we have, move somewhere rural so I can live at peace and think about Mister and my other fur-babies as they pass.
I have a daughter, a pregnant wife, two dogs, a new mortgage coming up, and a new boss and tons of project that I need to be successful on. So I have to put my feelings on hold and do what it takes to keep my families future secure.
Never have I welcomed death so much just to be with something I loved so much and lost. He was taken so quickly I had no time to think rationally. All the "what if's" start rushing into my head. We should have taken him to the neurologist like the urgent care recommended. But we didn't. My guilt weighs so heavy he could have lived for at least another 5 years. I'm so broken, but I cannot be selfish and leave my family, I have to continue to live, I must thrive, I'll do it by pretending Mister isn't gone and I'll see him when I get home.
Its almost been six months now. His memorial box sits on my night stand with a picture of Mister. I still miss him so much, tears aren't as often but the heart ache is always there. I got my memorial tattoo of Mister on Saturday, the artist was great he allowed me to include a pinch of Mister' ashes in the black ink. After the artist completed, Infelt reconnected with my little Mister Bear. Together forever. We're in our new house with a great yard, he would have loved it here. He would have loved his new little brother Drake. Mister was so in tuned with hos family. He knew when my wife was pregnant, he stuck to her like glue. My daughter loved this little old man, they loved eachother very much, I can tell by the way he looked at her. She was so good with him and spoiled him. We were all so very happy.
We adopted a new Chi-Mix. Penny, she's definately accustomed differently than our dogs, after three months she's starting to fit in, we're all starting to fall in love with her. She doesn't make up for Mister thats for sure, but she fills the void. I will miss this little dog with all my heart until I die.
Mister my heart and soul are yours to keep, along with my other pups and family.